Monday, September 26, 2011

I'm Lost

What a crazy week! I was so excited to be able to start my first day back at work knowing I reached my goal of losing 101 pounds but I haven't seen that number again since Monday. I know I'll get back to it but my official weigh in this week brought me to an even 100 pounds lost. I still can't wrap my head around that number.

Where am I? What am I doing? How did I get here? How do I get to where I want to be?

I'm feeling so lost and confused. My head has been spinning out of control and I don't know how to stop it. I'm totally overwhelmed with the new job and just trying to hold it together. I couldn't even decide on what to get for lunch the other day, I just walked around and tried to stop myself from bursting out in tears. I ended up eating a banana and some cashews I brought because it was just too much for me to think about.

Not only am I lost in the office but I'm in a totally different part of the city and I don't know where anything is so I've been walking in circles, getting lost and trying to find my way around. I've spent all my working years in the Financial District and now I'm over in the Back Bay where it is certainly much cleaner and more upscale but it's hard to find places I can afford to go to.

There are so many new programs and procedures and it is taking me so long to complete the simplest tasks. I know I'm good at what I do so it's frustrating not being able to show it. I'm sure I'll be fine once I get my bearings and learn all the procedures but it's so hard. I've been electronically challenged this week too. Seems like every time I tried to do something, even though I was doing it right, for one reason or another it wouldn't work.

I miss my gym time and need to figure out what I'm going to do about that. I have been walking to the train station every day which is a little over a mile each way. I also took a self-defense kickboxing class Thursday night after work but I didn't love it. The instructor kind of rubbed me the wrong way and I didn't find it motivating although I definitely got a good workout. My arms were killing me on Friday and, as he promised, my abs were really sore this morning.

Just wanted to check in and let you know about my first week back at the grind. I haven't even mentioned that I joined Biz' Holiday Challenge yet. I hope to get a post up about that soon along with my plans for maintenance once I figure out what those are.

I hope you all are staying strong and taking care of yourself. I'm sorry I haven't been out there commenting as much as but I've been reading from my phone, usually on the train where I don't get service to be able to comment. Please know that I'm still cheering you on even if you don't get a comment from me.

Off to start Week 2. Dear God, please let it be better than Week 1.

Rock on my friends!

22 comments:

  1. I hope you find this week to be a good one!

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  2. Don't let the job get you down. You have the ability to control the situation by the attitude you choose to have. Sure it's new, frustrating & overwhelming but look at it as a challenge & the a chance to get to learn and see new things. You've lost 100 pounds so you can get into a rotine with this new job & make it work for you, just as much as you'll work for it! Go in positive and you will see positive results, sometimes it takes a while & some work but it will come:-)

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  3. Hey it was just the first week.. it can only get better right ?!?! I hope so for me too!

    One teeny suggestion.. could you bring a packed lunch with you? At least it would be one less thing to stress about? The rest of it will fall into place soon enough, just you wait and see!

    AND major kudos for making it to a class your first week back! I have no fear for you at all. It's not a you can do this.. it's a you ARE doing this!

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  4. A new job is always stressful and confusing. Just be gentle with yourself. And make sure you eat healthy and get enough sleep otherwise it will feel less managable.

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  5. I experience that too, the complete inability to make a decision about food. The decision is always loaded with mixed feelings. The only way I seem to get around this is to plan as much ahead as possible and I bring my lunch. There is also a grocery store in my building so I can pick up parts if needed. Is it possible for you to bring your lunch or part of your lunch or perhaps your snacks?

    And you'll pick up the programs and procedures, it takes time but you'll figure it out!

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  6. *hugs* You're not lost, you're exploring! ;)

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  7. (((hugs))) I know how you feel, you want to know how to do it all RIGHT NOW!! Just remember Turtle Girl, it will come with time - take the baby steps you need to take and in another week, you'll be rocking the working world with your know-how! Give yourself the same kind of patience you used to lose your weight - you'll get there. I'm pulling for you! :)

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  8. Always a steep learning curve when you start a new job. You will get it. I'll bet this week is better!

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  9. I'm thrilled for you, and not a bit worried about the feelings of being lost and in a new time warp. You have a new body, new job, new part of town, - quite a whole new life. Just take it one day at a time, and when necessary, one minute at a time. All will be revealed as things unfold, and then there will be more. With what you accomplished during your 22 unemployed months, I'm pretty sure you can do anything!

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  10. Why does change have to be so hard? I have complete faith that you will have it all under control in no time--IF you remember to breathe. :)

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  11. Hang in there! It will get easier every day.

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  12. Hi MB! You acted *exactly* how I would with all those new changes--a little disorientated, unsure, and tearful. It's not bad to cry a little--it releases stress. From my perspective, it looks like you are doing okay--it just doesn't feel like it yet. But things will get smoother and you'll get rid of the kinks. It just takes some time.

    :-) Marion

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  13. Try to stay positive, it will get better! :)

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  14. I imagine this is akin to being a baby yanked from the protection of the womb....but just remember that now is when "real life" really begins. This is the moment that you have been working towards - a new you with a new life. A new start! You WILL learn to find your way in this place that seems odd at the moment, and you will become comfortable with the new surroundings and people and gym....just give it some time. Everything takes an acclimation period, and this is no different. Just remember that you have worked HARD to get where you are today and if you are feeling stressed, just give yourself a few minutes to breathe it out....you'll be fine. You are strong!!!

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  15. Hang in there! You can do it! Fake it til you make it! You've come so far and this is just the next phase of your journey. All that you've learned has brought you to this place and you already have inside you everything you need to conquer this, too. One day at a time.....

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  16. Hang in there - I know how hard it is to start a new job and not know everything, but that will come in time.

    I actually loved it when I first started working in Chicago - every lunch break I would walk 30 minutes in a new direction just to see what there was and found many hole in the wall restaurants I never would have known about otherwise.

    Sending big hugs your way!!

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  17. I hope things are going okay for you now!

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  18. I'm brand new to your blog and have to say first of all, congratulations on losing 100 pounds. Wow. New jobs are definitely a challenge for me. I have "working" dreams but I've managed to get through the hard part and on to routine. I make lots of notes if that is any help to you. :)

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  19. I think that diet pills are OK for some people, but I don’t have any luck with losing weight when I am using diet pills. When I take them it makes me feel jittery.

    duromine

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