Monday, October 10, 2011

No Time!

Hey Strangers -

Long time no blog. I've been keeping up with all of you through my reader but I haven't been able to comment much because I'm reading from my phone during my commute but service is spotty on the underground train so it's nearly impossible to comment.

So, I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing. Who the hell has the time? I'm not adjusting to the back at work routine very well. I'm beginning to think I can't hack the stress of office life anymore. What was I thinking going back to work in a law firm? Why did I think a different place would be different? Well, it is a little different since I'm in that honeymoon period where everyone is sweet and nice but it has been crazy busy and stressful.

Now I remember why I never went to the gym. There's just NO TIME left in the day. I know, I know, I should get up even earlier, way before the sun rises, but it's been a struggle just to get up at 5:30, I'm not sure I can hoist my ass out of bed any earlier.

When the hell do you find the time to fit it all in? I've been working like a dog, going in early, working through lunches and staying late and I haven't even been there a month yet. I'm hoping it won't always be like this and things will calm down a bit but I'm not sure it will or when. By the time I get home, check mail and messages, throw a load of laundry in, cook something for dinner, clean up, etc. etc. there is NO TIME to do much of anything else besides collapse and fall dead asleep even before Chelsea Lately comes on. That is unheard of for me.

I've managed to walk to and from the train station most days which amounts to a little over 2 miles and I've been running up and down the stairs of the four floors of the office regularly but it isn't the same as getting good and sweaty at the gym and it certainly can't compare to my cardio kickboxing class. I miss kickboxing so much it makes me want to cry that I can't go anymore.

I've only managed to get to the gym twice after work in the past 3 weeks. I took a self-defense kickboxing class that I didn't really like and a muscle fit class that was just ok. I also did a few days of the C25K so I'm now up to Week 4 Day 3. Who knows, I just might complete this 9 week program by this time next year. Slow and steady, right?

I've been searching for an affordable gym in my new neighborhood but they are all outrageously expensive and way out of my budget. Who has $300/MONTH to spend on the gym? Not me. I wish I did but that is not going to happen unless I hit the lottery and if that happened I wouldn't be working anyway.

As far as my weight goes, I hit my goal of losing 101 pounds on September 19th which was my first day back at work but I haven't seen that number again since. I even somehow managed to gain SEVEN AND A HALF pounds this past weekend. I know it's not really 7 1/2 pounds of fat but it is scary to see those numbers. It has already come down 2 1/2 pounds but it still makes me nervous.

I need to find time to do what is important to me. I worked too hard and come too far to let it all slip away because of my need for a paycheck. I don't know how you all do it. If you have any advice on how to add a few extra hours to the day, please enlighten me.

Must remember to breathe....


  1. Oh I'm sorry you're so frazzled!

    Honestly? I'd probably spend any extra time trying to find a new job, maybe closer to home or part-time. That may not be possible for you (it may not be possible for me either), but I'm still currently rose-colored glass-wearin' "me first!" mode. :)

    Hang in there!

  2. You're not working a normal schedule. Early, no lunch, and late is NOT a happy job. If you were working a normal schedule, you could fit it in - that schedule is unreasonable. So, I have to ask whether you are imposing that schedule on yourself because it's a new job and you're nervous, or did they ask you to? Because if they asked, that's a red flag to be aware of that they would do so at this point. If you are doing this to yourself, you're setting yourself up for failure, and why?

    There is no tip that anyone can give you, because you're essentially scheduled for two jobs already, and fitting in extra time is impossible. :(

    Remember those emails we had. Seriously.

  3. I agree with the above comments - sounds like an utterly impossible and UNSUSTAINABLE schedule. You've come such a long way in your journey, and this kind of frantic running like a hamster on a wheel will slowly chip away at your sanity and peace, and make you vulnerable for slipping back into territory you don't want to be in. Sending hugs and support - but as a faithful reader, I can't send support for allowing this kind of lifestyle to continue. If you don't put yourself first, guarantee no one else will. You're WORTH IT!

  4. Hi MB! My answer for to when to workout is weekends. Or during the dark morning hours before any family member wakes up. I'm not even kidding. I often leave for the gym at 4:30 a.m. But Saturdays and Sundays are my favorite gym days because I don't have to hurry back to kids going to school.

    Law work details are stressful. Civil procedure is a total mind game. The one good thing is that everyone vents a lot--which is better than holding it in. We disagree a lot and love to pick apart other attorneys' arguments. Venting is good for the soul. And there are a LOT of ridiculously crazy stories coming out of any law firm. Did you work at a law firm before or is that new to you?

    :-) Marion

  5. All I can do is send you cyber hugs and say I feel your pain. It is hard. I think it's good that you are walking a little each day - at least you have that.

    I think you've got some soul-searching to do. Hang in there, sister.

  6. Hi MB,

    First of all, you are freaking awesome! You've come so far and accomplished so much that no one, and no job, should take that away from you. You are a rock star.

    I agree with a lot of the comments above, it sounds like your job is taking up wayy too much of your time. I understand working 8 - 10 hours a day, once in awhile, but shouldn't be considered the norm. Maybe it is time to find something that you're interested in but provides you more free time to take kick boxing classes.

    I understand, it's hard to balance everything in life. Sometimes it's best to just cut yourself a little slack and breathe a little. I know that can be hard but you've made it this far so I know you're strong and can do this. :)

  7. I echo Kyra's thoughts. I continually worked long hours at my work because that is what everyone did. When I returned to the office from mat leave, I had to leave at the end of the work day to pick up my son from daycare.

    Fortunately, during my mat leave they hired someone who also left at the end of the day. So I was not the only person working regular hours. Can you talk to your boss?

  8. First of all; congrats or reaching your goal! 101 pounds! brilliant!
    Secondly; I feel your pain. I have almost the same problem at the moment. I don't seem to be able to have enough time to relax, get some energy back after working and exercise!
    And I don't even make the hours you are making! I can only whole heartedly agree with the people before me, what the hours you're making are over the top!
    The solution? Work less seems the obvious one, of course, but I also know that is not always an option.
    I hope you'll find some middle road or solution soon, though, you don't sound all that happy.

  9. New to your blog and can I just say WOW congrats on the loss! Secondly it seems you made changes in the past and I am sure you can do it again. I am sure work will settle down and I can already tell by you saying how much you miss classes workouts/health are a priority.

    Keep us posted!

  10. I've worked in law firms for 20+ years and they are crazy work environments - not to mention one attorney I work for is a complete psycho - just yesterday I went into her office to clarify something and she yelled "every time you open your mouth I lose my train of thought!"

    And she wonders why she's had 26 secretaries in a 30 year career and somehow I have managed to work with her for 5 of those years!

    Don't have any answers on the time management stuff - my commute isn't that long and I have time in the morning and to take a lunch.

    Just wanted to send big hugs your way!!

  11. I went through a similar adjustment earlier this year when I transitioned from working-for-myself-from-home to a more conventional office-based job. For the first couple of months, I felt completely off-balance as I tried to adapt to the flow of being in an office during business hours. Even now, it's tough, and I'm not entirely sure I've figured it all out yet.

    I think the thing you need to do is give yourself the time to settle in. Don't feel compelled to figure it all out, now or ever. It's a gradual process, and there's no point at which you'll ever be fully "there". But that's perfectly OK, because it wouldn't be as much fun as it is if there were a "there" in the first place.

    You've always known how to make lemonade. I know you'll kick it no matter what.


No Sugar Coating Allowed