Why the Weight?

New Dawn, New Day, New Life

2012-01-12T22:58:00.005-05:00

New Year Resolutions are great but we really shouldn't save them up for the New Year, we should make them every single day. We don't know what kind of challenges we're going to face in the coming year so as soon as something gets thrown in our path or gets in the way of those resolutions we tend to give up in frustration. Resolutions made on January 1st usually hit a giant brick wall by the time February 1st comes along. The gym has been so packed with New Year Resolutioners that I've had to wait to get on a treadmill the past couple of weeks but the crowds have already started to dwindle down and its only the second week of the year. The New Year is the perfect time to clean the slate, forget the past and look forward to the possibilities that lie ahead. Look at all those little boxes on the calendar just waiting to be filled up.

This healthy living thing is a life long process. Even when we reach our goals, it's not the end. How many people do you know who got to their goal weight only to regain most or all of what they worked so hard to lose? We're not done once we see that sweet number on the scale or fit into those goal-size jeans.

We're not THERE yet, we're HERE, right now is where we're at. Right now, right HERE is where we're always at. This is a life long process not a short term project to complete and forget about. We are never done with healthy living. If something is really important, if something really matters, it doesn't get completed in a day. It can't be reached in a day, a week or a month. If you can finish it in a day it's not that big of a deal. If you can finish it in a week or a month it's not that big of an accomplishment. If it takes a lifetime it is a very big deal and totally worth the effort.

When our dreams seem such a long way off, we tend to decide that HERE is THERE and we settle for HERE instead of striving to get THERE. We settle for HERE because THERE seems so far away. HERE is not bad, it's ok, but we need to keep moving forward to get THERE. A new year is the perfect time to forget the past and look forward to what lies ahead. Put the past behind you, forgive yourself and others for any wrongdoings and move forward. The past is the past. The past is not today and it is not the future. We can't start working on what comes next until we put the past behind us. Don't let the past define your future. Let it go and focus on today and the possibility of what lies ahead.

We tend to get so overwhelmed with the mundane details of surviving day to day that we stop dreaming about the future and settle for HERE. This is not all there is. We are not THERE yet. Keep those dreams alive and keep looking forward to what lies ahead. Remember, it doesn't matter how long it takes to get THERE as long as you keep moving in the right direction.

Where are you? Where do you want to go? HERE or THERE?

Happy New Day!

Happy 2012!

2012-01-11T22:16:00.006-05:00

Happy New Year! Happy New You!

How has 2012 been treating you so far? Are you working on those resolutions. I don't like making them because if it is important on January 1st it is important every other day of the year. Start now, no matter what the date on the calendar is. Don't wait 'til the first of the year, Monday or after that big event, start right now. I hope this is the year we all reach our goals or at least take those baby steps to get closer to realizing them.

Long time no blog, huh? I've written a ton of posts in my head but just haven't had the time to sit at the computer and put them out there. Working really sucks up way too much of my life but it's a necessary evil since I wasn't lucky enough to have a big fat trust fund. I've been contemplating posting short and sweet updates just to keep the crickets from taking over this space but I still need to find the time to do that. I really miss unemployment.

I know most people assume that when a weight loss blogger disappears it's because they've fallen into the rabbit hole vat of chocolate and started packing on the pounds again but I'm not too far gone. Yes, I've gained a bit but I'm still hanging on to the wagon. I'm still fighting to get back to my goal weight that I saw for a nanosecond back in September but I've been able to maintain an average loss of 90 pound for a while now. Vacation and the holidays were filled with temptations but I did the best I could to get my workouts in and abstain from stress eating.

To catch you up on what's been going on with me, I'll start where I left off. Las Vegas was a blast. I don't know why it took us so long to get there. We gambled, partied like aging rock stars, barely slept and ate way too much crappy buffet food. I wasn't sure I could do it but I managed to pull an all nighter on our last night there. Of course, at 40+ it took me a few days to recover from it all but recover I did, just in time for the holiday party season. We did escape the sensory overload of the strip a couple of days to check out the Hoover Dam, Red Rock Canyon and the Valley of Fire. It was nice to get away from all the lights, bells and whistles and be able to check out the quiet desert scenery. It's such a vast contrast to the landscape here in the northeast. It was beautiful but so weird to not see any trees or greenery.

There was way too much family drama over the holidays that's still going on but there really isn't anything I can do about it so I'm trying not to stress out over it. There is always drama in my family and I have learned that the less I get involved the better. I try to be the peacemaker and smooth things over but only end up getting caught in the crossfire so I'm doing my best to stay off the battlefield.

Work has been stressing me out and seriously cutting into my gym time. I barely worked out at all the whole month of December and I was starting to feel like a slug. I did get a few workout in here and there and I've been walking to and from the train station, taking the stairs at the office and going for walks at lunch when I can actually get out but it is not the same as a good sweaty workout at the gym. Ok, are you sitting down? I'm thisclose to completing the C25K program. I completed Week 9, Day 1 which means I only have 2 more days of the program left to do. Not bad, it's only taken me over a year and a half to complete the 9 week program but, you know by now, I'm speedy like a turtle. I never ever thought I'd be able to run for 30 minutes straight without having something chasing me but I've done it. I may be SLOW but I'll get there. I have no doubt about that.

Even though I haven't been able to comment much, if at all, I've been reading and keeping up with what's been going on with you so please know I'm there in spirit cheering you on. I've said prayers for people going through tough times and danced the happy dance for your successes.

Keep rocking it, my friends. HAPPY NEW YOU!

Tis the Season ....

2011-12-25T10:03:00.004-05:00

Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, Winter Solstice or just a holiday off from work, I wish you and your loved ones peace, love and happiness no matter what the season.

I hope you do or continue to do what makes you happy and healthy in 2012.

Remember the reason for the season and love the giver, not the gift.

Peace out!

Viva Las Vegas!

2011-11-24T01:54:00.005-05:00

Guess what?

I'm going to Vegas for Thanksgiving!
For years we've been saying we'll go to Vegas for Bill's 50th and it's finally here. He doesn't actually turn 50 'til the day after we get back but we're celebrating early. We're wondering if it might have been better to have gone 10 or 20 years ago when we were able to pull all nighters and party like rock stars but I'm sure we'll have a blast.

I certainly need a vacation. I don't think it will be very relaxing in the city that never sleeps, oh, wait, that's New York, isn't it? Well, I don't think Vegas sleeps either but I may have to sneak in a few zzz's on the plane or by the pool. I even packed some workout gear so I can check out the gym at the hotel. That's a first for me even thinking about working out while on vacation. Oh, how times have changed.

Bright light city gonna set my soul,

Gonna set my soul on fire

Got a whole lot of money that's ready to burn,

So get those stakes up higher...

How I wish that there were more

Than twenty-four hours in the day'

Cause even if there were forty more,

I wouldn't sleep a minute away...

Oh, there's black jack and poker and the roulette wheel

A fortune won and lost on ev'ry deal

All you need's a strong heart and a nerve of steel

Viva Las Vegas, Viva Las Vegas ~Elvis

Wish me luck! If I hit a big jackpot I won't have to worry about finding a new job. Keep your fingers crossed.

Happy Thanksgiving! I'm truly thankful for all the love and support you all have given me over the years. Thank you for everything! You guys are the BEST! Enjoy your turkey and football for my fellow Americans and Happy Thursday to the rest of you.

Two Years Later

2011-11-20T20:29:00.009-05:00

November 2009: 242 lbs. (Highest Weight Ever!)

August 2010: 198 lbs. (Onederland ~NEVER to be in the 200s again!)

November 2010: 179 lbs. (1 year ~ 63 pounds lost)

June 2011: 146 (I'm NORMAL ~ BMI)

September 2011: 141 lbs. (reached GOAL ~ 101 pounds gone)

November 2011: 147 lbs. (2 years ~ 95 pounds lost)

I know it's been a while since I checked in but I couldn't let this day go by without mention. Today marks two years since I got laid off from my soul sucking, miserable job and the beginning of my body and soul transformation. What a long strange trip it's been.

After 11 years of hard time at the same law firm I was blindsided, shocked and hurt to get a pink slip but it ended up being the best thing that ever happened to me. Who knew getting laid off would be the sweetest blessing. Fortunately, I was lucky to be in a position to be able to survive on an unemployment check for 22 months while I focused on getting healthy.

I knew I had to take advantage of my time off so I joined a gym immediately and spent at least an hour a day, at least 5 days a week working up a sweat. I went to the gym like it was my job and it was the best job I ever had.

I started off huffing and puffing on the elliptical on Level 1 and struggled to hang on for an hour. I always avoided the machines near the mirrored wall and wore big, baggy t-shirts and sweatpants. After about six months I started mixing in some circuit training with weights and some treadmill work. After the first year I tried a few classes and got turned on to cardio kickboxing where I looked forward to getting my ass kicked twice a week while I continued the cardio work the other 3 days.

I didn't do any extreme dieting. I ate what I wanted in moderation. I ate cake and cookies, ice cream and carbs, nothing was off limits. The more I worked out the more I wanted to eat better so I didn't negate all the hard work I did at the gym. I started craving green monsters instead of crap. I stopped feeling the need to binge and stuff my feelings down and started eating normal sized portions. I wasn't stressed and miserable all the time so I wasn't stuffing myself trying to numb the pain.

Slowly by surely the weight came off. I didn't let myself get hung up on the numbers, I just kept working up a sweat and not eating like a crazy person. Some weeks I gained but I didn't let those gains mess with my head like they had in the past. I knew if I continued working out regularly and eating relatively healthy 90% of the time I would continue to see results. I didn't lose fast but I lost consistently and I think that is the key to keeping it off. Slow and steady has been my motto and I'm still working it.

Unfortunately after 22 months the unemployment checks stopped and I was forced to go back to the daily grind. I'm going crazy trying to figure out how to juggle a crazy work schedule, find time to workout and have some sort of social life.

I did reach my goal of losing 101 pounds but I was only there for a day, ironically it was my first day back at work (9/19/11). On the bright side I've been maintaining a 95+- weight loss since June, almost 5 months of straddling the "normal" BMI line, just under 150 pounds. I haven't been able to get to the gym more than twice a week if I'm lucky and I'm chained to a computer for the better part of 7.5 hours a day but somehow I'm managing to maintain.

My head is spinning out of control, I can't breathe, and I can't focus on what's important because I'm too busy focusing on other people's stuff. I feel like I'm losing myself again because I'm too busy working crazy hours that I don't have time to take care of myself and I miss it. I never thought I would say this but I miss the gym, I miss kickboxing and I miss my stress-free days.

Work totally sucks! I'm stressed out, working crazy hours and have no time to do anything. I barely have time to take care of the basics, you know, laundry, food shopping, cooking, cleaning, sleeping. It's only been two months but I'm already thinking about looking for another job because I just can't handle this kind of stress anymore. I need a paycheck but I just don't want to do this anymore. Thanks for coming to my pity party.

With all that said, I think I'm still better off than I was two years ago. I am so thankful to have had those 22 months but it's so depressing to go right back to the grind. I've come too far to lose myself again. I'm hanging on by a thread but I'm fighting to hang on.

How do you do it? How do you juggle work, family and friends and still have time to hit the gym? Inquiring minds want to know.

Rock on My Friends!

Boston Bloggers Meet in the Flesh

2011-10-30T21:19:00.003-04:00

It's been almost three weeks that I've been trying to find a spare minute to sit and write a post about my very first blogger meet up. I was determined to do something other than work, cook, clean and sleep so I accepted an invitation to meet up with some amazing Boston Bloggers. I'm no longer anonymous, at least not to the six beautiful women I got to break bread with at Eastern Standard in Kenmore Square. If you want to hear all about the night and see a picture of all of us (including me!) head over to one of their blogs because they wrote about the night better than I ever could.

I was so inspired by this group of beautiful young women who seem to do it all so effortlessly and find the time to blog about it too. Erin of Creative Soul in Motion who made it all possible; Alli of Alli Learns Life; sisters Sarah of Sarah’s Modern Bites and Samantha of Samantha in Training; Sara of Run Around Sara and Maddie of BFF: Better Food and Fitness.

They told stories of their 5Ks, 10Ks, marathons, half marathons, triathlons and other feats of fitness while I'm still struggling to find a way to work 40+ hours and get to the gym on a regular basis. I did get up the next morning and complete another day of the C25K program. If I'm lucky I will complete this 9 week program in under 2 years.

I was a little nervous and insecure about meeting up with people I had never met before but it didn't take long for me to feel like I was hanging out with a bunch of old friends. It's funny how you can feel so comfortable with people you've never met. There wasn't an awkward minute the whole night. The conversation flowed and we talked about everything from food, wine, and fitness (especially running) to blogging, life and love.

I had a blast and I can't wait to meet up with them again. Cheers!

No Time!

2011-10-10T22:39:00.006-04:00

Hey Strangers -

Long time no blog. I've been keeping up with all of you through my reader but I haven't been able to comment much because I'm reading from my phone during my commute but service is spotty on the underground train so it's nearly impossible to comment.

So, I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing. Who the hell has the time? I'm not adjusting to the back at work routine very well. I'm beginning to think I can't hack the stress of office life anymore. What was I thinking going back to work in a law firm? Why did I think a different place would be different? Well, it is a little different since I'm in that honeymoon period where everyone is sweet and nice but it has been crazy busy and stressful.

Now I remember why I never went to the gym. There's just NO TIME left in the day. I know, I know, I should get up even earlier, way before the sun rises, but it's been a struggle just to get up at 5:30, I'm not sure I can hoist my ass out of bed any earlier.

When the hell do you find the time to fit it all in? I've been working like a dog, going in early, working through lunches and staying late and I haven't even been there a month yet. I'm hoping it won't always be like this and things will calm down a bit but I'm not sure it will or when. By the time I get home, check mail and messages, throw a load of laundry in, cook something for dinner, clean up, etc. etc. there is NO TIME to do much of anything else besides collapse and fall dead asleep even before Chelsea Lately comes on. That is unheard of for me.

I've managed to walk to and from the train station most days which amounts to a little over 2 miles and I've been running up and down the stairs of the four floors of the office regularly but it isn't the same as getting good and sweaty at the gym and it certainly can't compare to my cardio kickboxing class. I miss kickboxing so much it makes me want to cry that I can't go anymore.

I've only managed to get to the gym twice after work in the past 3 weeks. I took a self-defense kickboxing class that I didn't really like and a muscle fit class that was just ok. I also did a few days of the C25K so I'm now up to Week 4 Day 3. Who knows, I just might complete this 9 week program by this time next year. Slow and steady, right?

I've been searching for an affordable gym in my new neighborhood but they are all outrageously expensive and way out of my budget. Who has $300/MONTH to spend on the gym? Not me. I wish I did but that is not going to happen unless I hit the lottery and if that happened I wouldn't be working anyway.

As far as my weight goes, I hit my goal of losing 101 pounds on September 19th which was my first day back at work but I haven't seen that number again since. I even somehow managed to gain SEVEN AND A HALF pounds this past weekend. I know it's not really 7 1/2 pounds of fat but it is scary to see those numbers. It has already come down 2 1/2 pounds but it still makes me nervous.

I need to find time to do what is important to me. I worked too hard and come too far to let it all slip away because of my need for a paycheck. I don't know how you all do it. If you have any advice on how to add a few extra hours to the day, please enlighten me.

Must remember to breathe....

I'm Lost

2011-09-26T07:25:00.000-04:00

What a crazy week! I was so excited to be able to start my first day back at work knowing I reached my goal of losing 101 pounds but I haven't seen that number again since Monday. I know I'll get back to it but my official weigh in this week brought me to an even 100 pounds lost. I still can't wrap my head around that number.

Where am I? What am I doing? How did I get here? How do I get to where I want to be?

I'm feeling so lost and confused. My head has been spinning out of control and I don't know how to stop it. I'm totally overwhelmed with the new job and just trying to hold it together. I couldn't even decide on what to get for lunch the other day, I just walked around and tried to stop myself from bursting out in tears. I ended up eating a banana and some cashews I brought because it was just too much for me to think about.

Not only am I lost in the office but I'm in a totally different part of the city and I don't know where anything is so I've been walking in circles, getting lost and trying to find my way around. I've spent all my working years in the Financial District and now I'm over in the Back Bay where it is certainly much cleaner and more upscale but it's hard to find places I can afford to go to.

There are so many new programs and procedures and it is taking me so long to complete the simplest tasks. I know I'm good at what I do so it's frustrating not being able to show it. I'm sure I'll be fine once I get my bearings and learn all the procedures but it's so hard. I've been electronically challenged this week too. Seems like every time I tried to do something, even though I was doing it right, for one reason or another it wouldn't work.

I miss my gym time and need to figure out what I'm going to do about that. I have been walking to the train station every day which is a little over a mile each way. I also took a self-defense kickboxing class Thursday night after work but I didn't love it. The instructor kind of rubbed me the wrong way and I didn't find it motivating although I definitely got a good workout. My arms were killing me on Friday and, as he promised, my abs were really sore this morning.

Just wanted to check in and let you know about my first week back at the grind. I haven't even mentioned that I joined Biz' Holiday Challenge yet. I hope to get a post up about that soon along with my plans for maintenance once I figure out what those are.

I hope you all are staying strong and taking care of yourself. I'm sorry I haven't been out there commenting as much as but I've been reading from my phone, usually on the train where I don't get service to be able to comment. Please know that I'm still cheering you on even if you don't get a comment from me.

Off to start Week 2. Dear God, please let it be better than Week 1.

Rock on my friends!

GOOOOAL!!!

2011-09-19T08:11:00.003-04:00

What a day!

Today was truly a day of new beginnings. Not only was today my first at my new job but it was the day I finally reached my goal of losing 101 pounds! Talk about starting the day off on the right foot. My Wii scale showed 141.1 but I'm rounding down and calling it a victory. 101 POUNDS LOST! I can hardly believe it. Somebody pinch me.

It took 22 months of unemployment, relatively sane eating, lots of soul searching, faith, determination, tons of ellipticalling, walking, TaeBox, running and biking along with a little swimming, zumba, muscle flex, belly dancing and tabata but I DID IT! FINALLY!

No matter where you are on your journey, no matter how hard or unattainable your goal may seem, just keep moving in the right direction one step at a time. Don't worry about how long it will take you, how many obstacles you may have to maneuver around or how many restarts you have to make, just stay focused on your ultimate goal and you will get there. Remember, it's not a race, slow and steady will get you there eventually as long as you keep moving in the right direction. GO TURTLES!

Now comes the hard part ~ maintenance. Wish me luck.

Rock on, My Friends!

A New Beginning...

2011-09-18T23:11:00.001-04:00

I will be starting a whole new chapter of my life tomorrow. A new job, a new schedule, a new gym, new classes, it's exciting and scary at the same time. I'm trying to stay positive about it and keep telling myself it will all work out the way it's supposed to. Everything happens for a reason and I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.

I know I've been doing allot of bitching and moaning about going back to work, being scared of losing ground, worried about falling back down the dark, scary rabbit hole of bad habits, and not being confident in my ability to continue living this new healthy lifestyle but I'm working on changing my attitude. I've changed. I'm not the same person I was two years ago and my new job will not be like my old one.

Today is the last day of my glorious, life changing 22 month sabbatical. I am so grateful to have been able to take this time off and find myself again. As upset as I was about being laid off in November 2009 it ended up being the best thing that could have ever happened to me. There were so many more things I wanted to accomplish that I didn't get around to doing but I need to give myself a little credit for what I did accomplish. I'm happier, stronger and ALMOST 101 pounds lighter and that is certainly something to be proud of and I am proud.

I worked my ass off to get here and I'm not going to allow a job and my need for a paycheck to take any of it away from me. I was hoping I would hit my goal of losing 101 pounds before I started working again but 2 or 3 pounds really doesn't make any difference. If I really wanted to just see that number I could probably sit in a sauna and sweat it out but I've stopped playing those kind of games. It's not about the numbers anymore, it's about feeling good in my own skin, knowing who I am, letting my light shine and showing it to the world.

I am so thankful to have been given the gift of time to travel such a soul saving journey. I can't wait to see what has been written in the next chapter. I've been so blessed. Thank God for miracles. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

This is your life! Are you who you want to be?

Everything Happens for a Reason

2011-09-15T08:12:00.004-04:00

My head has been spinning these days for a number of reasons. I haven't been able to put a coherent thought together in my head let alone get it down on the screen. Everything is jumbled. Nothing in this world makes sense but I know there is a reason for everything.

I was reading stories of 9/11 survivors who, for one reason or another, didn't make it to where they were supposed to be on that fateful Tuesday morning over ten years ago. They missed a train, a bus or a plane, their child was sick, they got stuck in traffic, they had a flat tire, the alarm didn't go off, they stopped to get band aids because their new shoes gave them blisters, so many random events that may have been irritating at the time but ended up being the one thing that saved them. You never know why things happen the way they do but there is a reason for everything.

As we marked the 10th anniversary of the September 11th attacks it drives home the point that you never know what could happen today, tomorrow, next week, next year. We worry about all sorts of things but the most life altering things are usually things we never even saw coming, they just happen. I'm still not able to look at the footage of that day in 2001 without crying like a baby so I avoided most of the news coverage.

To make a somber day even sadder, I had to attend the funeral of my friend and neighbor who had a heart attack the week before, spent a week in a coma and died at the age of 55. She was out mowing the lawn that morning and going about her day just like any other. As you can imagine, everyone is still in shock. A few weeks ago someone I know was hit by lightening in a fast moving storm, spent a week in a coma and then died leaving behind a wife and three children. What are the chances of that?

What I keep thinking is you just never know when your whole world will be turned upside down. Things like losing weight and working out don't seem so important in the grand scheme of things. Being with family and friends, enjoying every minute of your life and putting the tough times in perspective is what we should be doing, not beating ourselves up over what the scale says or fretting about eating some cake and ice cream.

Even though I've been trying to stay focused on what's most important in life, I've been stress eating and having nightmares about going back to work next week. I know it's a good thing. I've had a good run and should be ready to return to the workforce. I know I'm lucky to have found a decent job in this economy when so many others are struggling to find work. Earning a paycheck is very important but as this last week flies by I find myself mindlessly eating when I'm not hungry and worried about falling back into old bad habits.

I'll be attending my last cardio kickboxing class today since the gym is too far away from my new office to be able to make that lunchtime workout. I love that class and I'm sad I won't be able to continue going there twice a week for a good ass kicking. I'm not sure what my new schedule will be like, where and when I'll fit in my workouts or how I'll be able to handle this transition but I need to try to stay focused on what's important.

Even after all the stress eating I've been doing, I'm a mere 4 pounds away from reaching my goal of losing 101 pounds. It has taken me almost two years to get here and I am so thankful to have been given the opportunity to find myself again. I was so lost and miserable and feel so much better than I did two years ago. I need to have faith that I'll be able to handle whatever comes my way because I'm stronger now. I'm not the same person I was two years ago and I don't want to ever go back to that dark and miserable place.

Even though I'm feeling sad, scared and overwhelmed, I realize I really have nothing to complain about. We only get this one life and we should cherish every single moment we can. Change is hard but I'm sure I'll figure it out.

Enjoy every single minute because you just never know what the day or the future will bring.

Remember, Life is Good!

101 Days of Summer Finale

2011-09-04T11:40:00.004-04:00

Time flies even faster when the weather is warm or scorching hot and humid. Those were the quickest 101 days of the year, huh? Hard to believe Labor Day is tomorrow. Before we know it there will be Halloween candy to tempt us, and then the big feasting holidays, Thanksgiving and Christmas, will be right around the corner. Then we'll be making those New Year's resolutions/goals again. Will yours be the same as every other year? Are you in a better place than you were last year? What do you need to do to make positive changes and reach those goals? Let's make the most of the remaining days of 2011. We're not getting any younger, you know.

So, here's my final stats for the 2011 101 Days of Summer Challenge:

WEIGH IN

6/1/11 101 Days of Summer Challenge 2011 Starting Weight: 149.5 lbs.
6/10/11 Weigh In: 148.2 lbs.
6/17/11 Weigh In: 147.5 lbs.
6/24/11 Weigh In: 147.5 lbs.
7/1/11 Weigh In: 148.4 lbs.
7/8/11 Weigh In: 146.4 lbs.
7/15/11 Weigh In: 146.4 lbs.
7/22/11 Weigh In: 147.9 lbs.
7/29/11 Weigh In: 145.7 lbs.
8/5/11 Weigh In: 145.5 lbs.
8/12/11 Weigh In: 147.7 lbs.
8/19/11 Weigh In: 148.6 lbs.
8/26/11 Weigh In: 149.0 lbs.
9/2/11 Weigh In: 147.3 lbs.

101 Days of Summer Challenge 2011 Total Loss: 2.2 lbs.

Starting Weight (11/2009): 242 lbs.
Current Weight (9/2/11): 147.3 lbs.
Total Loss: 94.7 lbs.

I was relieved to see a loss this week after three straight weeks of gaining. Even though I still haven't reached my goal of losing a total of 101 pounds I am slowly making my way to the finish line at my usual lightening turtle speed. As much as I want to see that goal number on the scale I'm pretty content where I am now. Losing another 6.3 pounds isn't going to make too much of a difference in how I feel but I'm still striving to get there.

HYDRATION

I've been staying sufficiently hydrated but haven't been paying much attention to how many ounces I'm taking in.

EXERCISE

Have I mentioned how much I love cardio kickboxing? I'm disappointed that I'm not going to be able to make these classes when I go back to work in a couple of weeks. The gym where I take the classes is a 20 minute walk from my new office so I would need a good 2 hours to get there, change, take the class, shower and walk back. The other gym I go to will be less convenient too so I'm going to have to do some research and find a new place to sweat. Lots of changes on the horizon but, as we all know, everything changes and we need to learn how to embrace the changes, good and bad.

DO NOT QUIT

I've come too far to ever give up. Quitting is NOT an option!

KEEP BLOGGING

I don't plan on going anywhere although I have been giving some thought to starting a fresh new blog once I hit maintenance.

ENCOURAGE OTHERS

Rah, Rah, Shish, Boom, Bah!!! I may not have been the best cheerleader but I'm always cheering you on in spirit.

C25K

I still haven't gotten past Week 4, Day 1 of the C25K program but I'm not so hesitant about running anymore. I'm going to complete this program one of these days.

GET TO GOAL and START MAINTENANCE ~ FINALLY

I still haven't reached my goal but I know I'll get there, slow and steady. I only have a little over 6 pounds to lose to reach my goal and it is statistically possible I could do it before I go back to work on the 19th *fingers crossed* It would certainly tie up my time off with a neat little bow. I'm extremely proud of all that I was able to accomplish while hanging out in the unemployment line. Now I need to find a way to make it all work while working.

Thanks to Biz for organizing the 101 Days of Summer Challenge again and a big thank you to everyone who has encouraged and supported me on this journey. We are in this together and we will reach whatever goals we set as long as we never give up trying.

Stay strong, be cool and rock on!

Peace Out!

Feeding My Emotions

2011-09-01T10:19:00.005-04:00

The biggest problem with being an emotional eater is that I'm always feeling something. It doesn't matter what emotion it is, I want to feed it. Happy, sad, glad, mad, exhausted, confused, ecstatic, frustrated, disgusted, frightened, depressed, overwhelmed, hopeful, bored, anxious - it doesn't matter, food is what I've always turned to. I'm either trying to stuff the bad feelings back down or celebrate the good ones with good food. One of the biggest triggers of emotional eating for me is stress and I am feeling very STRESSED right now.

As you know, I was laid off in November 2009 and was blessed to have the opportunity to get my life back, focus on my health and happiness and remember what it's like to be happy. I am so thankful to have had the time to get my shit together, lose over 90 pounds and make some big changes in my life but now the bubble has burst and I have to get back to the real world. My unemployment benefits ran out and unless I hit the lottery in the next week I will be going back to the daily grind very soon.

I just got a decent job offer and I know I should be happy about it but instead of celebrating my good fortune of being able to get a job in this crappy economy I want to cry (and eat). I'm so afraid of falling back into the bad habits that made me miserable and obese. The office is too far away from the gym where I take my kickboxing classes so I won't be able to go anymore and that makes me sad. I love those classes. I know there are other gyms and I'll be able to find something in the area but it won't be the same.

I'm such a creature of habit and I don't handle changes very well. I'm so scared of losing myself again, letting stress take over and not having the time or the energy to do the things that make me happy and healthy.

I know many people have much bigger problems and are able to juggle and prioritize all the things they need to do to stay healthy, I just hope I can be one of them in time.

Do you have any tricks or tips on how to make time to workout? I know, just do it, right?

Wish me luck.

Final Slimmer this Summer Update and Last Week of 101 Days of Summer Challenge

2011-08-29T00:41:00.006-04:00

What? It can't be. What do you mean it's the final weigh in for the Slimmer this Summer Challenge? Where did the summer go? Didn't we just celebrate Memorial Day? How can it be over already? Who turned the clocks on fast forward. It seems like just yesterday we were making all our summer plans and now Labor Day is next weekend.

I may not have the most exciting numbers to report but I feel like I made some good progress over the summer. I didn't reach my goal of 101 pounds lost and I didn't show much of a loss on the scale but there are other factors and lessons learned that are just as important. Just because the StS challenge is over doesn't mean much in the grand scheme of things. I'm going to continue to fight for my good health and I hope you are too.

Here's my stats for the week:

WEIGH IN

6/1/11 101 Days of Summer Challenge 2011 Starting Weight: 149.5 lbs.
6/6/11 Slimmer this Summer Starting Weight: 151.2 lbs.

6/10/11 Weigh In: 148.2 lbs.
6/17/11 Weigh In: 147.5 lbs.
6/24/11 Weigh In: 147.5 lbs.
7/1/11 Weigh In: 148.4 lbs.
7/8/11 Weigh In: 146.4 lbs.
7/15/11 Weigh In: 146.4 lbs.
7/22/11 Weigh In: 147.9 lbs.
7/29/11 Weigh In: 145.7 lbs.
8/5/11 Weigh In: 145.5 lbs.
8/12/11 Weigh In: 147.7 lbs.
8/19/11 Weigh In: 148.6 lbs.
8/26/11 Weigh In: 149.0 lbs.

101 Days of Summer Challenge 2011 Loss to Date: 0.5 lbs.
Slimmer this Summer Challenge Weight Loss to Date: 2.2 lbs.

Starting Weight (11/2009): 242 lbs.
Current Weight (8/26/11): 149 lbs.
Total Loss: 93.0 lbs.

That is certainly NOT how I wanted to finish off the Slimmer this Summer Challenge but it is what it is. I had my third straight week of gains but it's not the first time that's happened, it's not the end of the world and I'm definitely not giving up. I'm not happy about crossing over my "do not cross" line in the sand (150 pounds) early in the week but I'm glad I was able to work it back off before weighing in. Sure, it would have been nice to get to my goal during the challenge but I know I will get there and it will happen exactly when it is supposed to happen.

HYDRATION

I've been slacking a bit on my water consumption the past few days. I'm not dehydrated but I could be drinking more. I find it's so much harder for me to get my water in on the weekends when I'm not at the gym. I actually had a cocktail Saturday night while sitting out at the bon fire enjoying the calm before the storm.

EXERCISE

I got in some intense workouts this week including my regular cardio kickboxing classes, three days of sweating on the elliptical and some good long walks here and there.

DO NOT QUIT

I will never stop fighting this battle until I have evicted every last one of the unwanted pounds I've been lugging around for way too long. Even after I get to my goal weight I know that the fight is not really over. It will never be over. I know I will have to keep fighting for my health and not let any of my old bad habits sneak back into my daily life. I will not suffer through regaining ever again. I refuse to regain. Quitting is NOT an option!

KEEP BLOGGING

My last post about Feeding Your Faith was my 400th post after 4 years of blogging. It's exciting to actually show some progress since I spent the first two years bitching, moaning and crying about my weight but not putting in the effort to actually make any progress. I'm still here and I don't plan on going anywhere. I'm going to need all the help I can get on the next leg of this weight loss journey - maintenance.

ENCOURAGE OTHERS

I've been doing my best to get around and comment but haven't done as much as I wanted to do. I wish we could all give ourselves the support and encouragement we give to others so easily. The next time you leave an encouraging comment on another blog, turn it around and tell yourself the same thing.

C25K

I didn't make any progress on the C25K program this week but I feel better about being able to run now that my knee isn't screaming at me every time I do.

GET TO GOAL and START MAINTENANCE ~ FINALLY

I still haven't reached my goal but I know I'll get there, slow and steady.

THANK YOU!!! Thank you all for your support and encouragement. It really is an amazing supportive community we have here and I'm so lucky to have you all in my corner.

Stay strong, be cool and rock on!

Peace out!

Feed Your Faith

2011-08-23T09:17:00.006-04:00

KEEP FEEDING YOUR FAITH AND YOUR DOUBTS WILL STARVE

How would we ever reach our goals if we don't believe it's possible? If you believe you can, you can! If you believe it's impossible, it is. You have all the power you need.

You can't lose 100 pounds overnight but you can take the teeny tiny steps in the right direction and little by little, slow and steady, pound by pound, you can lose it. You can change your habits, you can stop eating so much processed crap, you can drink water instead of soda, you can get your ass off the couch and break a sweat once in a while, you can take the stairs instead of the elevator, you can learn to feel your emotions instead of eating them and you can feel better in your skin if you really want it.

When you have over 100+ pounds to lose it can seem impossible, overwhelming and so out of reach. Even those last 10 pounds can seem just as impossible. No matter how much you have to lose, it's NEVER easy but IT IS possible.

There's allot of talk about "the switch" and "the wagon" and how it's either "on" or "off." I'm learning that it's not that simple. There is no switch and some days we're driving the wagon and other days we're chasing it down. There are hundreds of little decisions to be made each day and each one is an opportunity to get you closer or further away from your ultimate goal. There will be days that you will want to eat cake, have a cocktail or indulge in some decadent treat and that's ok. The problem is when we get into the all or nothing mentality. We think one splurge is a good reason to give up because it's impossible. How can I expect to lose weight if I just ate birthday cake? I might as well have another piece, right? WRONG! A splurge is a splurge and a treat is a treat. That's all it is. Enjoy it and move on.

We always want what we can't have so as soon as you tell yourself you can't have chocolate, ice cream, cake, cookies, chips, dip, whatever...that's all you think about, that's all you crave and as soon as you give in to those cravings, look out, it's a slippery slope back into those fat pants. Regaining weight that took so much effort to lose can be devastating. You can't just go back to your old ways that got you fat in the first place, you have to make permanent changes to keep the weight off permanently.

I'm sure we've all bought into one rapid weight loss plan or another over the years only to be let down by the promise to "lose all the weight you want without exercise and still eat your favorite foods." I call BULLSHIT on every single one of those plans. Don't buy it. Don't waste your money or your time. Sure, most of them will enable you to lose some weight but unless you are willing to follow the plan for the rest of your days the weight will come back. I know, I've been there. I've lost it a few times on one commercial plan or another before and it always came back. I couldn't eat food out of a cardboard box forever and I couldn't live the rest of my life without eating bread. I love bread. I decided life without bread was not worth living. I had to find a plan that worked for me and my life. I needed to break some weight loss rules and create my own rules. We can't always live by someone else's rules. What works for me may not work for you but you can figure out what does work for you and make it happen.

We live in a world of instant gratification. We don't want to have to wait for anything. You know the person behind you will beep the horn if you're not hitting the gas the second the light turns green. We want it and we want it NOW! If I eat right and exercise this week I deserve to see a loss on the scale, right? Well, sometimes that just doesn't happen for any number of reasons. We have to get over being instantly rewarded for doing the right thing. Just doing the right thing is the reward. I exercised allot and ate right all week and still gained 0.9 pounds. It doesn't seem fair but it is what it is. The number is just a number and not an accurate reflection of my efforts. It's not an excuse to slack off and give up.

We all want weight loss to be easy and effortless. It's easy and effortless to gain but it is a stubborn bitch to take off. I hate to break it to you but if you haven't figured it out yet, you have to face the fact that it takes effort, lots of effort, to change your lifestyle. There is no magic pill, it's not all sunshine and rainbows, and it doesn't happen overnight but if you are consistent in your efforts you will see results as long as you never stop believing. It does get easier once you make your new habits part of your routine but it takes a consistent effort.

There is a better way but only YOU can decide what is right for YOU. Is your plan working for you? What can you do right now, today, to get you one step closer to your goal? Take a small step in the right direction and you'll be one step closer to reaching your goal.

Keep feeding your faith and your doubts will starve. I know I will reach my goal and I know you can reach yours. Like Dorothy and her ruby slippers, we've had the power all along, we just need to use it.

Keep the faith!

Challenges Update

2011-08-22T09:53:00.003-04:00

Can you believe we are in the home stretch of the Slimmer this Summer and 101 Days of Summer challenges? It's sad that we lost a few challengers along with way, some are still in it but struggling and some are showing us how it's done. Wherever you happen to be on your journey, today, right now, is a new day and a new chance to get on or continue on the path you want to be.

I'd love to be able to finish out the challenge strong by reaching my goal so I can finally throw my arms up in the air in victory like Rocky after he makes it to the top of those stairs. I can already hear the Eye of the Tiger music. I was anticipating reaching my goal of 101 pounds lost by the end of the challenges but that may be just out of reach at this point, not impossible, but highly unlikely given the lack of progress the past couple of weeks. I'm a bit disappointed but I know I'll get there eventually as long as I keep doing the right things and staying true to my motto ~ SLOW and STEADY ....

I had another rough week but that's just part of life, right? Everyone has stumbling blocks and obstacles they need to get over or work around and mine are relatively minuscule compared to what some others are dealing with so I'm not going to complain (too much). Life doesn't stop throwing things at you and there will never be a perfect time to get healthy, it's never easy. I know I have to make the best decisions I can every single day no matter what is going on in the world around me.

I made up for last week's missed workouts by joining my sister in law at her fancy smancy gym on Monday for a double workout consisting of a Body Flex class and a Belly Dancing class. I'm pretty sure I burned more calories laughing at myself trying to belly dance than the actual workout. I'm not the most coordinated or graceful gazelle in the herd so this was definitely out of my comfort zone. I felt like I was trying to rub my stomach and pat my head at the same time. It was HYSTERICAL! I got my ass kicked at TaeBox on Tuesday and Thursday and hit the elliptical for sixty minute sessions on Wednesday and Friday in addition to the usual walks.

Last week I mentioned I had breakfast for dinner a couple of times (pancakes and french toast) and I wanted to clarify it wasn't the food itself because I have no problem eating pancakes and french toast occasionally for breakfast on the weekends but having it for dinner prevented me from getting my usual doses of protein and vegetables. I also notice when I eat lots of white carbs and simple sugars it sets off cravings for more. I prefer eating those types of food early in the day so I have a chance to burn it off during the day.

Anyway, without further ado, here's my challenge stats:

WEIGH IN

6/1/11 101 Days of Summer Challenge 2011 Starting Weight: 149.5 lbs.
6/6/11 Slimmer this Summer Starting Weight: 151.2 lbs.

6/10/11 Weigh In: 148.2 lbs.
6/17/11 Weigh In: 147.5 lbs.
6/24/11 Weigh In: 147.5 lbs.
7/1/11 Weigh In: 148.4 lbs.
7/8/11 Weigh In: 146.4 lbs.
7/15/11 Weigh In: 146.4 lbs.
7/22/11 Weigh In: 147.9 lbs.
7/29/11 Weigh In: 145.7 lbs.
8/5/11 Weigh In: 145.5 lbs.
8/12/11 Weigh In: 147.7 lbs.
8/19/11 Weigh In: 148.6 lbs.

101 Days of Summer Challenge 2011 Loss to Date: 0.9 lbs.
Slimmer this Summer Challenge Weight Loss to Date: 2.6 lbs.

Starting Weight (11/2009): 242 lbs.
Current Weight (8/19/11): 148.6 lbs.
Total Loss: 93.4 lbs.

Yup, another week, another gain. As much as I want to reach my goal, I'm not too upset about these fluctuations because I have been maintaining a 90+ pound loss and staying under my line in the sand of 150 pounds. I think my body is very comfortable in this range. I'm wearing sizes 4s, 6s and 8s, I feel healthy and strong and I'm just not going to make myself crazy trying to get to a specific number on the scale because that's where all the trouble started almost 30 years ago. It will happen when it happens. The most important lesson I've learned over the past 21+ months is that it's not all about the numbers, it's about the healthy habits I've made a part of my life.

HYDRATION

This month marks THREE YEARS since I gave up Diet Coke. I still find it hard to believe I don't even crave it anymore. I used to have Diet Coke with my coffee for breakfast and would drink three or four additional glasses every single day. Now I generally drink only coffee, tea and water (and an occasional cocktail). I'm still getting at least 64+ ounces of water a day and more if I'm working out in the heat so I'm saying hydrated.

EXERCISE

As I mentioned, I tried a couple of new classes (Body Flex and Belly Dancing) and got in some good sweaty workouts this week. It's crazy to think that getting in my workouts is the "easy" part of my healthy living plan. I'm sure it won't be so easy when I go back to work but I'll find a way to fit it in because it's a very important part of healthy living.

DO NOT QUIT

Quitting is NOT an option! I'm all in.

KEEP BLOGGING

Hi, I'm still here!

ENCOURAGE OTHERS

I'm so happy to see many of you working the slow and steady plan, marching to the beat of your own drum. Keep marching, especially you!

C25K

No C25K progress this week but I'm determined to get through Week 4, Day 2 OUTSIDE soon.

GET TO GOAL and START MAINTENANCE ~ FINALLY

Today is not the day but I'll get there eventually.

Stay strong, be cool and rock on!

Peace out!

Slimmer this Summer and 101 Days of Summer Challenges Update

2011-08-14T17:27:00.005-04:00

I had a rough week. The weather has been dreary and so have I. I'm not sure what it is. I don't know whether it's just allergies, a cold or what but I don't feel right. Maybe I'm making myself sick just thinking about having to go back to work soon. When I filed my unemployment claim this morning it said after this week's claim I don't have any remaining benefits. Yikes! Oh well, I had a good run. I made good use of my time off. I've lost over 90 pounds. I accomplished something.

I guess I really need to get my ass in gear and get serious about finding a job now. Nothing like waiting 'til the last possible moment, huh? I'm glad I was able to take advantage of every single dollar of my benefits and every single day I had to get my life back. I know I should be ready to go back to work after all this time but I'm nervous about it for lots of reasons. I'm sure it will be fine once I get back into the swing of things but I'm scared. Change is scary but if we don't change we don't grow, right? I have to keep reminding myself change is good.

Because I wasn't feeling so hot my workouts weren't as good as they usually are. I didn't even get a workout in on Friday because I got up late after a long sleepless night and spent over three hours at the salon getting my hair done. It takes a long time to cover the evidence of my 40something years. The good part is my hair looks fabulous. Too bad I can't work the magic and it only looks great for a couple of days because I don't have the patience to spend the time on it.

In addition to slacking on workouts, I had breakfast for dinner twice this week (pancakes and french toast) and there was a night out that included a couple of volcano bowls and sodium packed chinese food so I didn't expect to be any closer to my goal this week and I was right.

Here's the evidence of the consequences of my actions:

WEIGH IN

6/1/11 101 Days of Summer Challenge 2011 Starting Weight: 149.5 lbs.
6/6/11 Slimmer this Summer Starting Weight: 151.2 lbs.

6/10/11 Weigh In: 148.2 lbs.
6/17/11 Weigh In: 147.5 lbs.
6/24/11 Weigh In: 147.5 lbs.
7/1/11 Weigh In: 148.4 lbs.
7/8/11 Weigh In: 146.4 lbs.
7/15/11 Weigh In: 146.4 lbs.
7/22/11 Weigh In: 147.9 lbs.
7/29/11 Weigh In: 145.7 lbs.
8/5/11 Weigh In: 145.5 lbs.
8/12/11 Weigh In: 147.7 lbs.

101 Days of Summer Challenge 2011 Loss to Date: 1.8 lbs.
Slimmer this Summer Challenge Weight Loss to Date: 3.5 lbs.

Starting Weight (11/2009): 242 lbs.
Current Weight (8/12/11): 147.7 lbs.
Total Loss: 94.3 lbs.

Yup, that's a 2.2 pound gain for the week. It's certainly not the direction I want to be going in but I know why and that is half the battle. I know it's just a blip in the screen and I will get to my goal eventually. I'm still fighting the fight and I have faith I will make it to my goal soon (sooner if I cut out the cocktails and pancakes but that's all part of life, right?).

HYDRATION

I haven't been tracking how many ounces of water I'm drinking but instead have been trying to determine my level of hydration by the color test. When my pee gets to be a very pale yellow, almost clear, I know I've had enough water for the day. There are so many different studies about how much we should drink and I recently read a new one that says you should take your weight and divide it by 2 and that is how many ounces of water you should be drinking. It sounds like a good rule of thumb but I'm liking the color method.

EXERCISE

I got a few good workouts in at the beginning of the week but things kind of fizzled out by the end of the week. I got some ellipitcalling, kickboxing, and walking in but no running this week.

DO NOT QUIT

Quitting is still not an option! I'm all in.

KEEP BLOGGING

Oh yeah, I'm still here.

ENCOURAGE OTHERS

Still trying to get around to everyone and spread the love. I'm so happy to see many of you working the slow and steady plan, marching to the beat of your own drum. Keep marching!

C25K

No progress this week but I'm determined to get through Week 4, Day 2 OUTSIDE soon.

GET TO GOAL and START MAINTENANCE ~ FINALLY

Today is not the day but it will be here soon enough, I just know it.

Stay strong, be cool and rock on!

Changes...

2011-08-08T20:47:00.000-04:00

Change is so hard but it's totally worth all the effort and struggle it takes to change. I'm such a creature of habit and often get stuck going to the same places, eating the same foods, and doing the same things over and over again because it's familiar and comfortable. We get so complacent in our routines and tend to live our lives on auto-pilot, not really thinking about what we do and what the consequences of our actions will be. It's just easier to keep doing what we're doing than to make the effort to change.

After melting off 90+ pounds, I feel like I finally shed my fat suit cocoon and I am just learning how to spread my wings and fly. Being so weighed down, stressed out and depressed affected almost everything I did. Even at my heaviest weight I was still pretty active but stress eating, emotional eating (no matter what emotion) and binging would negate any activity burn I would get. No amount of exercise is going to make up for regular binges of thousands of calories.

I've never paid much attention to horoscopes, numerology and other hippy-dippy cosmic theories but I downloaded an app on my phone and have been checking my horoscope lately just for sh*ts and giggles. It's been interesting to see how accurate it has reflected back what has been going on in my life lately.

Here's what I read yesterday:

Cancer Aug 7 2011
Native Americans find guidance in nature, with many trees and animals offering specific symbolism. If a butterfly were to begin to show up frequently in someone's life, for example, it might signify some kind of transformation. You are very close to the earth and its creatures, Moonchild. You can relate to this kind of spiritual sensitivity. Right now there's a recurring theme in your life. You've probably been wondering about its significance. Yes, it has meaning. If you interpret with your heart and your intuition, you will receive the wonderful message it is sending you.

As an adult, I've never gotten involved in any type of organized religion but I've always felt a spiritual connection especially when I am out enjoying and taking pictures of the beauty in nature. Hiking and ATVing through the deep woods, watching the seasons change, snowmobiling through the pristine snow covered trails, looking up at the milky way, wishing on shooting stars, being awed by the magnificence of the Aurora Borealis...it all makes me feel so small in the grand scheme of things but also connected to something so much bigger than me at the same time.

Not only did I receive a butterfly wing necklace for my birthday but I have been seeing butterflies flutter around me more than I ever have before. Is it some sort of sign? Is nature trying to tell me something?

I believe we are constantly being sent messages and it's only when we are able to turn down the noise of everything going on that we are able to hear the messages. Have you ever gotten a message through nature? Do you believe in signs? Are you willing to make a change?

Slimmer this Summer and 101 Days of Summer Challenges Update

2011-08-07T21:08:00.002-04:00

We finally got some relief from the sweltering heat and humidity last week. Ahhhh...it feels so good to be able to breathe again. I was starting to feel like a caged animal being trapped in the recycled air-conditioned rooms. It was so cool and beautiful out I decided to skip the gym for an outdoor workout last week. More on that to follow.

We are only a few short weeks away from Labor Day and the unofficial end of summer and the official end to these summer challenges. How is everyone doing? Are you closer to your goals now than you were in June? Are you making progress? holding steady? or need a jump start?

Here are my most recent stats:

WEIGH IN

6/1/11 101 Days of Summer Challenge 2011 Starting Weight: 149.5 lbs.
6/6/11 Slimmer this Summer Starting Weight: 151.2 lbs.

6/10/11 Weigh In: 148.2 lbs.
6/17/11 Weigh In: 147.5 lbs.
6/24/11 Weigh In: 147.5 lbs.
7/1/11 Weigh In: 148.4 lbs.
7/8/11 Weigh In: 146.4 lbs.
7/15/11 Weigh In: 146.4 lbs.
7/22/11 Weigh In: 147.9 lbs.
7/29/11 Weigh In: 145.7 lbs.
8/5/11 Weigh In: 145.5 lbs.

101 Days of Summer Challenge 2011 Loss to Date: 4.0 lbs.
Slimmer this Summer Challenge Weight Loss to Date: 5.7 lbs.

Starting Weight (11/2009): 242 lbs.
Current Weight (8/5/11): 145.5 lbs.
Total Loss: 96.5 lbs.

Another .2 pounds gone! It's not much but it's going in the right direction so I'm happy with it.

HYDRATION

Still not paying much attention to my water consumption but I'm sure I'm getting enough.

EXERCISE

Ellipitcalling, kickboxing, walking and RUNNING! Yes, running! Well, not what runners would consider running but running for me.

DO NOT QUIT

I'm ALL IN! Quitting is not an option!

KEEP BLOGGING

Hi! I'm still here.

ENCOURAGE OTHERS

Still working my way around, spreading the love and trying to encourage everyone to march to the beat of their own drum. Keep marching!

C25K

I RAN! OUTSIDE! Last Wednesday when the heat wave broke I decided to skip the gym and take my workout to the beach. My knee was feeling better so I thought I would pick up the C25K program where I left off. I completed Week 4, Day 1 of the program which included FIVE WHOLE MINUTES of running. I think it was the first time I ran outside since I was a kid and it felt amazing, weird but amazing. What a difference it is running outside than feeling like a hampster on a wheel trudging along on the dreadmill at the gym. It was great to be outside and RUNNING. I was a little giddy and thought about running like a crazy kid ala Phoebe on Friends but I held back from making a complete fool of myself. I still don't think I'll ever consider myself to be a "runner" but I'm glad to be making some progress on the C25K program after being sidelined for so long.

GET TO GOAL and START MAINTENANCE ~ FINALLY

I'm not there yet but I'm two tenths of a pound closer to my goal. I know lots of people would be totally frustrated with such slow progress but the slow and steady plan is working for me so I'm sticking with it. I know I will get there no matter how long it takes and I will have learned the lessons I need to learn to keep it off this time.

Stay strong, be cool and rock on!

Speedy Turtle Out!

How Did I Get Here?

2011-08-03T09:19:00.007-04:00

As I sit here, I am a mere 4.6 pounds away from reaching my goal of losing 101 pounds. Really? I'm wearing sizes 4's, 6's and 8's. Really? I'm working out regularly. Really? I love kickboxing. Really? I'm not binging and stuffing my emotions down with food anymore. Really? I still indulge in cakes, cookies and ice cream on occasion. Really? Who am I and how did I get here?

My goal weight is probably higher than "they" recommend but I think it's realistic and maintainable. It's a little crazy to think that my goal weight is probably the same weight I was when I started my very first diet and thought I was SO FAT. Oh, why are we so stupid when we're young? Why can't we really see ourselves? What was I thinking?

Losing weight, no matter how you do it, is NEVER easy. We all want a magic pill, a quick and easy plan, a list of foods to eat and a list to stay away from. We look to anyone and everyone to tell us HOW to do it when, like Dorothy with her ruby slippers, we finally realize that we have the power, we've had the power all along.

I do feel like I had a little bit of an advantage this time around because when I got laid off in November 2009 I got rid of the crushing stress that was sucking the life out of me and had the luxury of having the time to devote to going to the gym like it was my job. I was determined to take advantage of the time and work on finding myself.

For the first few months I pretty much stuck to the elliptical machine. I always picked a machine that was far away from the mirrors and in the back row because I didn't want to look at myFATself and I certainly didn't want anyone else watching me. I would struggle to stay on there for 30 minutes at Level 1. I was barely able to keep the machine from shutting down because I was moving so slow. It was hard but I forced myself to go and just do it at least 5 days a week. After a few months I was able to increase my time to 60 minutes but it was hard. Very rarely I would venture off to the dreadmill (snore), bike (ouch-knee pain) and weight room (zzzzz) to mix things up a bit but I felt I got my best workouts on the elliptical.

Although I've never been much of a cook, funds were low and I was forced to cut down on eating out. No matter what I threw together at home it was almost always healthier and less fattening than anything I would get at a restaurant. I wasn't stress eating and I was getting better at controlling my binge episodes. I wasn't stressed out and there weren't so many emotions swirling around anymore so I stopped trying to stuff them down with vast amounts of food.

The weight wasn't coming off fast, as you can clearly see from my weekly weigh-ins on the sidebar, but it was coming off, sometimes a tenth of a pound at a time, sometimes adjusting upwards, but I knew I was onto something. I felt better and more determined than ever. I was doing something consistently and I knew if I stuck with it I would continue to see results.

After I lost about 50-60 pounds I finally worked up the courage to try a Zumba class and shortly after that my friend invited me to join her for a cardio kickboxing class. As you know by now, I absolutely love getting my ass kicked. I wish I had done it sooner. There isn't a single person in those classes that care how heavy you are, how high you can kick or how much you sweat. They are there for themselves and don't really care how you look. I can't believe I now look forward to working out and will rearrange my schedule so I don't miss my classes.

It took way too long but I finally learned that there is no magic pill or easy way to lose weight. You may find something that works for a while, allows you to drop the weight and then it all comes back and brings more fat along with it. I didn't try to force myself to live by someone else's rules. I didn't count points, I didn't count calories, there were no foods that were off limits, I still ate cake and cookies and everything I wanted but I ate it in moderation. There were no rules and there was no deadline.

There wasn't a single week over the past 20 months that I lost more than 5 pounds. The most I lost in a single week was 4.8 pounds and then the following week I gained back 3.3 pounds. Of course I loved seeing the numbers on the scale go down but they didn't tell the whole story. The scale lost its power to control my attitude once I realized that it wasn't all about the numbers as long as I continued to work out consistently and eat relatively healthy 90% of the time.

Unfortunately, I will be going back to work soon and I'm really nervous about being able to get my workouts in and not letting stress eat at me but I have faith I'll find a way to work it out. It's important and I know I need to do it so I don't backslide back into obesity.

I truly believe that we need to make our own rules and find a plan that works for us as individuals. Eat the foods you like, find something you enjoy doing that works up a good sweat, take care of yourself and know that if you stick with your plan consistently you will see results. It's not a race to the finish line, slow and steady will get you there too. I like to say "I'm fast like turtle now." I don't know when but I do know I'll cross that finish line no matter how long it takes.

Why did it take me so long to figure things out? Why did I waste so many years being fat and miserable? How am I going to make sure I don't ever put that fat suit on again? I'm not sure. I do know that I wouldn't be here if I gave into the despair and sense of hopelessness I felt for so long. No matter where you are on your journey, don't ever give up trying, you don't know how close you are to finding what works for you.

The most important thing I've learned is to never EVER give up!

101 Days of Summer and Slimmer this Summer Challenge Update

2011-07-29T11:02:00.003-04:00

I can't believe it's the last weekend of July already! I know I say it all the time but I just can't believe how quickly time is flying. Don't blink, it will be Christmas before you know it.

Another week down so it's time to update my Slimmer this Summer and 101 Days of Summer Challenges progress.

WEIGH IN

6/1/11 101 Days of Summer Challenge 2011 Starting Weight: 149.5 lbs.
6/6/11 Slimmer this Summer Starting Weight: 151.2 lbs.

6/10/11 Weigh In: 148.2 lbs.
6/17/11 Weigh In: 147.5 lbs.
6/24/11 Weigh In: 147.5 lbs.
7/1/11 Weigh In: 148.4 lbs.
7/8/11 Weigh In: 146.4 lbs.
7/15/11 Weigh In: 146.4 lbs.
7/22/11 Weigh In: 147.9 lbs.
7/29/11 Weigh In: 145.7 lbs.

101 Days of Summer Challenge 2011 Loss to Date: 3.8 lbs.
Slimmer this Summer Challenge Weight Loss to Date: 5.5 lbs.

Starting Weight (11/2009): 242 lbs.
Current Weight (7/29/11): 145.7 lbs.
Total Loss: 96.3 lbs.

YES! Another 2.2 pounds gone! I'm so close to my goal I can almost taste it.

One important thing I've learned by weighing myself almost every day over the past 20+ months is that my weight can fluctuate wildly over the course of a single week. As an example, last Friday I weighed in at 147.9, on Monday it was up to 150.1 (yikes!) and by today it was back down to 145.7. I used to throw in the towel when I came home from a weekend away and saw a big gain because I didn't understand how I could gain so much in just a couple of days after working so hard the prior week. The numbers are just numbers now. They are a guide but they certainly don't tell the whole story. Don't let the numbers freak you out, just keep doing the right things and have faith that being consistent with healthy eating and moving your ass will give you results.

HYDRATION

I haven't really been paying much attention to my water consumption but I think I've been getting enough.

EXERCISE

I'm shocked by how much I look forward to getting my ass kicked. My thighs and ass are killing me from yesterday's kickboxing class. I think it was the sumo squats that did it. Oh, it hurts so good. I keep thinking I should change things up in my exercise routine but for now two days of kickboxing, three days of ellipticalling and a few good long walks is doing the trick.

DO NOT QUIT

I'm ALL IN! Quitting is not an option!

KEEP BLOGGING

Hi! I'm still here.

ENCOURAGE OTHERS

I've been trying to get around and shake my pom-poms, offer advice and encourage my fellow challengers around the blogsphere but there just isn't enough hours in the day to get around to everyone.

C25K

My knee has been feeling better but I don't want to push it too hard too fast so I've been holding off on getting back to the C25K program. I'm thinking about hitting the dreadmill sometime this week and see how it feels.

GET TO GOAL and START MAINTENANCE ~ FINALLY

I'm getting closer and closer to my goal and look forward to starting the process of maintaining.

I'm still rocking the slow and steady plan and will get there when I get there. I'm speedy like turtle.

Stay strong, be cool and rock on!

Slimmer this Summer and 101 Days of Summer Challenges

2011-07-24T21:14:00.001-04:00

Another week is in the hot and steamy record books almost everywhere in the USA. This summer is flying by so fast it's making me a bit dizzy. I wish there were a way to make time slow down instead of whizzing by at the speed of light.

It's time again for another challenge update for the Slimmer this Summer and 101 Days of Summer Challenges:

WEIGH IN

6/1/11 101 Days of Summer Challenge 2011 Starting Weight: 149.5 lbs.
6/6/11 Slimmer this Summer Starting Weight: 151.2 lbs.

6/10/11 Weigh In: 148.2 lbs.
6/17/11 Weigh In: 147.5 lbs.
6/24/11 Weigh In: 147.5 lbs.
7/1/11 Weigh In: 148.4 lbs.
7/8/11 Weigh In: 146.4 lbs.
7/15/11 Weigh In: 146.4 lbs.
7/22/11 Weigh In: 147.9 lbs.

101 Days of Summer Challenge 2011 Loss to Date: 1.6 lbs.
Slimmer this Summer Challenge Weight Loss to Date: 3.3 lbs.

Starting Weight (11/2009): 242 lbs.
Current Weight (7/22/11): 147.9 lbs.
Total Loss: 94.1 lbs.

Even though I gained 1.5 pounds this week and it may seem like I'm not making much progress, I'm learning very important things about maintenance. I'm bouncing back and forth from "overweight" to "normal" BMI and as much as I look forward to getting to goal, I'm more focused on feeling comfortable in my skin. I'm in the range I want to stay at even though I still have 6.9 pounds to reach my goal of 101 pounds lost. I don't know when it will happen but I know I'll get there.

HYDRATION - Check! With the hot temperatures and high humidity, staying hydrated is actually a matter of life and death.

EXERCISE - Kickboxing, ellipticalling, walking, swimming - I'm doing it!

DO NOT QUIT - I'm all in this time. Quitting is not an option!

KEEP BLOGGING - Check!

ENCOURAGE OTHERS

My computer is in one of the rooms without air conditioning so I haven't been spending much time in there lately. I have been reading and trying to comment from my dumb-phone but it can be time consuming and frustrating to comment from there. The temps are supposed to be more comfortable this week and I actually shut the air conditioners off last night so I'm hoping to get around and shake my pom-poms or do some ass kicking around the blogsphere.

C25K - Still not happening due to my knee issues. Someday....

GET TO GOAL and START MAINTENANCE ~ FINALLY

I'm still not there yet but I'm getting some good maintenance practice.

It's not very exciting on the weight loss front around here but I'm still holding on to a 90+ pound weight loss and working toward my goal. Even though it's like watching grass grow or paint dry, I'm happy to be rocking the slow and steady plan....

Stay strong, be cool and rock on!

Challenges Update

2011-07-18T08:50:00.003-04:00

Here we are smack dab in the middle of July, more than halfway through 2011 already. Time keeps ticking by faster and faster and before we know it the summer will be over.

It's been crazy hot and humid here in New England and there is no relief in sight with the forecast calling for a heatwave with temps in the 90s the whole week. I'm not a big fan of the heat and find myself daydreaming about snow and cooler temperatures when I feel sweat dripping down my back just standing still. I know most people think I'm crazy but the heat and humidity just sucks all the energy right out of me. Thank G-D for air conditioning.

It's that time again for another update for the Slimmer this Summer and 101 Days of Summer Challenges:

WEIGH IN

101 Days of Summer Challenge 2011 Starting Weight (6/1/11): 149.5 lbs.
Slimmer this Summer Starting Weight (6/6/11): 151.2 lbs.
6/10/11 Weigh In: 148.2 lbs.
6/17/11 Weigh In: 147.5 lbs.
6/24/11 Weigh In: 147.5 lbs.
7/1/11 Weigh In: 148.4 lbs.
7/8/11 Weigh In: 146.4 lbs.
Current Weight (7/15/11): 146.4 lbs.
101 Days of Summer Challenge 2011 Loss to Date: 3.1 lbs.
Total Slimmer this Summer Challenge Weight Loss to Date: 4.8 lbs.

Starting Weight (11/2009): 242 lbs.
Current Weight (7/15/11): 146.4 lbs.
Total Loss: 95.6 lbs.

No loss/no gain this week but I'm happy to be practicing maintenance. I'm totally rocking the slow and steady plan.

HYDRATION

It's so much easier to remember to drink water when it's so damn HOT. I can't seem to get enough water these days since I'm pouring sweat just walking outside.

EXERCISE

I've been getting my ass kicked at kickboxing twice a week (and loving it!), going for long walks late in the day and doing time on the elliptical at the gym regularly. I even got some swim time in the pool yesterday.

DO NOT QUIT

I'm all in this time. Quitting is not an option!

KEEP BLOGGING

I'm so thankful to be part of this blogging community. I am inspired every single day. Thank you!

ENCOURAGE OTHERS

I wish I had more time to comment and encourage everyone but I've been trying to limit my computer time and actually get out and live life instead of sitting in front of the screen reading and writing about it.

C25K

This goal is still on hold due to the wonky knee. Someday....

GET TO GOAL and START MAINTENANCE ~ FINALLY

I'm not there yet but I'm getting some good maintenance practice.

NSV!

I still can't believe it - I wore a pair of SIZE 4 shorts! SIZE 4! Really? I must be dreaming, right? Somebody pinch me. I don't care if it's just vanity sizing, the tag said SIZE 4. How is that possible? The last time I was at this weight I think I was squeezing into Size 10s. I think it goes to prove that the number on the scale doesn't represent the whole picture. The weight may have been the same but my body composition is totally different. I didn't think it was possible for me to ever squeeze into a Size 4. I think I have sticker (tag) shock. Is today's Size 4 equal to Size 10s from 10 years ago? I don't think I really want to know.

Well, it's time for me to get my ass to the gym and work on getting off these last few stubborn pounds and get to my goal. Slow and steady....

Stay strong, be cool and rock on!

Flying High

2011-07-14T20:32:00.004-04:00

Up, Up and Away!

Wow! What an amazing birthday weekend celebration! Thank you all so much for the sweet birthday wishes. I have to say that 44 is feeling pretty damn good even though I don't feel like a 44 year old. When I turned 40 four years ago I felt so old but after losing 90+ pounds over the past 20 months I feel better and younger than I have in decades. I have so much energy and can't seem to sit still anymore.

I had a banner birthday weekend in Vermont with B and one of my best friends. It was like the party that didn't end. We had lots of good food including homemade birthday cupcakes, perfectly toasted marshmallows at the bon fire, hot wings, sweet corn on the cob, fresh blueberry pancakes, Ben & Jerry's Frozen Yogurt, etc. etc. I certainly indulged but didn't binge or feel overstuffed at any time. I fully expected to see a gain after all the extra indulgences but was pleasantly surprised to still be in the "normal" range and even reached a new low (145.7 lbs.) when I got back home.

We took a ride to Stowe on Saturday for Stoweflake's 25th Annual Hot Air Balloon Festival. Although I didn't go up in a balloon I did get wings. My friend bought me the most beautiful real butterfly wing necklace. She said it's a representation of my metamorphosis. I am just learning how to spread my wings and fly again after being grounded for so long.

Do you have wings? Are you flying high or stuck in the muck? What will it take for you to spread your wings and fly? I hope you find them soon and join me up here, the view is spectacular. Come fly with me!

Party on!

Older and Wiser or Just Older?

2011-07-08T23:47:00.003-04:00

Happy Birthday to ME! Where does the time go? I've been on this planet, living this life for the past 44 years. How did that happen? I don't feel 44. I feel better now than I did at 34 and even 24. Why did it take me so long to figure it out? I don't even feel like a grown up yet and still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. Am I missing something or is everyone else just faking it?

This picture was taken four years ago at my surprise 40th birthday party and although I was happy to celebrate the big milestone with my friends and family I did not want to pose for any pictures. I couldn't believe I was turning 40 and was still fat. I wasted the majority of my 20s and 30s riding the weight loss/gain roller coaster (mostly gaining) and I was desperate to get off. My birthday wish that year was the same wish I made every year ~ to get out of the fat suit and get in shape. What was I waiting for? Weight loss is even harder after 40 and time was not on my side.

I started this blog thinking it would keep me accountable and spur me on to weight loss success but it didn't really happen. I thought about losing weight, I talked about losing weight, I wrote about losing weight but I didn't actually put in the effort needed to do it. I continued to struggle for more than 2 years before everything finally fell into place when I lost my high stress job after 11 years. I started going to the gym like it was my job and very SLOWLY started to see progress. I don't know why it took me so long but better late than never, right? I'm still not at my goal but I'm thisclose.

Anyway, here's my Slimmer this Summer and 101 Days of Summer Challenges Update:

WEIGH IN

101 Days of Summer Challenge 2011 Starting Weight (6/1/11): 149.5 lbs.

Slimmer this Summer Starting Weight (6/6/11): 151.2 lbs.
6/10/11 Weigh In: 148.2 lbs.

6/17/11 Weigh In: 147.5 lbs.

6/24/11 Weigh In: 147.5 lbs.

7/1/11 Weigh In: 148.4 lbs.

Current Weight (7/8/11): 146.4 lbs.
101 Days of Summer Challenge 2011 Loss to Date: 3.1 lbs.
Total Slimmer this Summer Challenge Weight Loss to Date: 4.8 lbs.

Starting Weight (11/2009): 242 lbs.
Current Weight (7/1/11): 146.4 lbs.
Total Loss: 95.6 lbs.

Happy Birthday to me! I'm normal again! BMI Normal that is. I saw "normal" for a few seconds about a month ago but my weight jumped back up into the "overweight" category almost immediately and I have been trying to get back down to normal for the past month. Losing 2 pounds this week and getting back to "normal" doesn't feel much different than last week but it's still nice to see. I'm still working the slow and steady plan.

HYDRATION

It's been hot and humid here in New England so I've been doing a good job of staying hydrated most days. I'm not trying to force myself to drink 100 ounces and think as long as I get the recommended 64 ounces I'm doing ok.

EXERCISE

I had to sacrifice a kickboxing class this week so I could get my hair done but it was worth it so I wouldn't have to walk around looking like I just turned 44. What would we ladies do without the magic of hair color?

DO NOT QUIT

This fight is for life. Quitting is not an option!

KEEP BLOGGING

Coming up on my 4 year blogaversary next month and I don't plan on going anywhere.

ENCOURAGE OTHERS

I've been having so much fun checking out my fellow challengers and all the new (to me) bloggers out there. I still haven't made it to everyone but I'm working on getting around to cheer everyone on to their goals.

C25K

Darn knee is still acting up so running is just not an option right now. C25K is still on hold. Someday....

GET TO GOAL and START MAINTENANCE ~ FINALLY

Only 5.4 more pounds to go! Slowly but surely I'm getting there. Stay tuned.

They say you get a little older, you get a little wiser, right? No matter how old you are, don't waste another minute thinking about it because you can turn it all around today, right this minute. Don't wait. Do it now! You won't regret it.

Stay strong, be cool and rock on!

Sizzling Slimmer this Summer and 101 Days of Summer Update

2011-07-04T17:32:00.004-04:00

Happy July 4th to my fellow Americans and a belated Happy Canada Day to my neighbors to the north. I hope everyone is celebrating their freedom by enjoying the weekend with friends, family, good food and fireworks.

We spent the weekend in Vermont working on the camp and didn't get much play time in but we got lots accomplished so it's all good. No BBQs or pool parties today either but we're planning on going for a bike ride tonight to get some frozen yogurt once it cools off a bit.

I'm a little late but here's my stats on the Slimmer this Summer and 101 Days of Summer Challenges:

WEIGH IN

101 Days of Summer Challenge 2011 Starting Weight (6/1/11): 149.5 lbs.
Current Weight (7/1/11): 148.4 lbs.
101 Days of Summer Challenge 2011 Loss to Date: 1.1 lbs.

Slimmer this Summer Starting Weight (6/6/11): 151.2 lbs.
Current Weight (7/1/11): 148.4 lbs.
Total Challenge Weight Loss: 2.8 lbs.

Starting Weight (11/2009): 242 lbs.
Current Weight (7/1/11): 148.4 lbs.
Total Loss: 93.6 lbs.

They aren't kidding when they say the last 10 pounds are the hardest to lose. I gained 0.9 pounds this week but I'm not stressing out about it. I've been working out, I've been eating well and I'm pretty comfortable maintaining this 90+ pound weight loss. Of course I'd love to get to my goal of 101 pounds lost and really start focusing on maintaining but I'm looking at this as practice maintenance. As you can see from my weekly weigh-in numbers it has never been a straight downward line of losses week after week. I lose a little, I gain a little, I lose a little, lather, rinse, repeat. It's all part of the cycle and I'll always be a work in progress.

HYDRATION

There were a few days last week I managed to get over 100 ounces of water down but I generally get at least the recommended 64 ounces so I think I'm staying sufficiently hydrated. Days like today with temps in the 90s makes it easier to remember to drink cool water.]

EXERCISE

Have I mentioned how much I love kickboxing? I've been going twice a week for months now and look forward to getting my ass kicked each and every week. Last week during class the instructor picked up a 20 pound medicine ball and handed it to me and told me to hold it for a while. The moves are hard enough without being weighed down with an additional 20 pounds but I pushed through it. I thought I was going to collapse after about 10 minutes with the ball when the instructor finally remembered I was still holding on to it. After class she apologized for picking on me. I told her it was ok, I needed it. The days I don't have kickboxing I've been logging in my usual 60 minutes on the elliptical. Those elliptical sessions seem so much easier now even though I've increased the level to 9 compared to 0 when I first started.

DO NOT QUIT

This fight is for life so I will never quit. It's just not an option.

KEEP BLOGGING

My little blog here is almost 4 years old and I'm still here! It was rough going for the first couple of years with hardly any progress but I think I've made up for it the past 20 months or so.

ENCOURAGE OTHERS

I'm still trying to visit everyone participating in the challenges but it's summertime and I'm trying to limit the time I spend indoors in front of the computer screen. If I haven't been by to visit yet, I'll be there soon. In the meantime, I'm cheering you on in spirit.

C25K

My knee still isn't up for running so the C25K is still on hold. Someday....

GET TO GOAL and START MAINTENANCE ~ FINALLY

Only 7.4 more pounds to lose 'til I get to my goal of 101 pounds lost. I have my eye on the finish line and can't wait to get there and start my journey of maintenance and healthy living for the rest of my life.

I'm getting ready to take a nice cool shower and then head out for some frozen yogurt.

Stay strong, be cool and rock on!

Still the Same

2011-06-30T12:34:00.001-04:00

I was out to dinner celebrating Father's Day recently and my step monster kept looking over at me saying "you look so different" over and over and over again. It was like she had never seen me thin before or didn't remember what I looked like when I was thin and didn't recognize this latest version of me.

When I look in the mirror I still see me. Thinner, yes; less bloated, yes; happier, yes - but it's still me. Same blue eyes, same hair, same smile, same pasty white skin, same heart, same mind, same soul, it's all still me. I'm still the same but so different too.

Having lost and gained significant amounts of weight over my lifetime I have been able to see firsthand how differently people treat you when you are obese versus "normal." It's almost as if the bigger I got the less they saw me. I was hiding right there in plain sight but it was like I was invisible to some people. I could point out a number of people who I believe have severe fat phobia and probably think fat is contagious because they barely spoke to me or gave me the time of day when I was at my heaviest but want to be best buddies now. Then there are those who are able to see through the exterior package to the inside because they have treated me the same no matter what size my pants, they see ME. I like to think I see people for who they really are, not what size they are.

If you lost or gained 100+ pounds do you think everyone would treat you the same? Would you treat yourself the same?

Small Change Challenge Finale

2011-06-29T09:47:00.008-04:00

It's hard to believe four weeks have gone by since the Small Change Challenge started. Is it just me or does time go by more quickly the older we get?

As I mentioned in my previous updates, I thought drinking 100 ounces of water a day would be an easy peasy goal to reach but I was mistaken. The challenge definitely made me more aware of my water intake but I never made it through a full week of 100 ounces a day. I made progress each week and this past week was the best of the four weeks with 5 days of 100 ounces. I was even able to get up to 120 ounces on two days and only suffered a couple of bruised toes from the nighttime bathroom runs.

I noticed that I tend not to drink much when I have a long drive ahead or a long day outdoors without easily accessible facilities. I hate having to hit the rest stops constantly and admit to being a bit envious of the guys who are able to find instant relief on the nearest tree while my teeth are floating.

Even though this challenge is over I will continue to work on getting 100 ounces of water a day. I know how important it is to stay hydrated and it's true that drinking all that water fills you up, helps to keep things moving, makes your skin look better along with a host of other benefits.

I loved meeting all my fellow challengers and watching everyone make progress on their small change goals. We need to remember that all the small changes can add up to big results. Keep up the good work and keep making those small changes.

Cheers!

101 Days of Summer and Slimmer this Summer Challenge Update

2011-06-24T08:05:00.000-04:00

It's officially summer here in New England but it certainly hasn't felt like it the past few days. It's been cool, rainy and dreary but I'm sure the heat and humidity will be back soon. They always say if you don't like the weather in New England, wait a minute, it will change.

Here's the stats on my Slimmer this Summer and 101 Days of Summer Challenges progress:

WEIGH IN

101 Days of Summer Challenge 2011 Starting Weight (6/1/11): 149.5 lbs.
Current Weight (6/24/11): 147.5 lbs.
101 Days of Summer Challenge 2011 Loss to Date: 2.0 lbs.

Slimmer this Summer Starting Weight (6/6/11): 151.2 lbs.
Current Weight (6/24/11): 147.5 lbs.
Total Challenge Weight Loss: 3.7 lbs.

Starting Weight (11/2009): 242 lbs.
Current Weight (6/24/11): 147.5 lbs.
Total Loss: 94.5 lbs.

I weighed exactly the same today as I did last week so no progress on the weight loss front. There were a few days of eating out, including a father's day dinner, so I'm pretty sure those extra calories are the reason why. No worries, staying the same is better than a gain, right. I'm hoping to see a nice drop next week or the week after, or the week after...it will happen. Still just 6.5 lbs. away from goal. Oh, so close.

HYDRATION

Getting 100 ounces of water down every single day has been really hard. Other than a couple of cups of coffee or tea, water is the only other beverage I drink but still find it difficult to get it all down. I've worked up to 4 days this past week so there is still room for progress. I still drank a significant amount of water the other three days (at least 60-70 ounces) but didn't quite make the goal of 100 ounces. The good news is I haven't hit any hazards on my numerous nighttime visits to the bathroom.

EXERCISE

I've been working up a good sweat with hour long elliptical sessions, long walks and kickboxing. I used my sturdy new knee brace at kickboxing Tuesday and it seemed to help. The brace was sweaty and gross when I peeled it off but if it prevents me from injuring myself it is totally worth having to wash it every day.

DO NOT QUIT

I'm in this fight for life. There is no way I'm ever going to give up.

KEEP BLOGGING

Hi, I'm still here!

ENCOURAGE OTHERS

I've been trying to get around to everyone's blogs but there are so many challengers and so few hours in the day. If we haven't met yet, I'll be knocking on your blog door soon.

C25K

I haven't been able to make any progress on this goal since the knee is just not up to running. Someday....

GET TO GOAL ~ FINALLY!

I'm not there YET but I'm close enough to see the finish line although there really is no end to this journey. The battle will continue since I know how hard maintaining a weight loss can be.

START MAINTENANCE

Maintenance is where I always slipped up in the past but I think I've learned enough this time around to get it right and not backslide again.

Have you been making progress towards your goals? Have you tried anything new or had any mental breakthroughs? Tell me. I want to hear all about it.

Stay strong, be cool and rock on!

Fighting for It

2011-06-22T17:48:00.008-04:00

I spent so many years fighting with myself. I couldn't understand how I kept getting fatter and fatter when I THOUGHT about losing weight ALL THE TIME. I couldn't understand why I couldn't just do it. I knew how to do it, I did it a number of times but always regained before I even reached my goal.

If losing weight was so damn important to me, if it consumed my thoughts every single day, why wasn't I getting it done? I used to ask myself "how bad do you really want it?" I wanted to lose weight, I needed to lose weight, I couldn't stand being fat for another minute but then I would dive into a bag of chocolate covered pretzels after eating lunch just to get through the afternoon at work. I'd stuff my emotions down with food, I'd eat long after the point of being full, I'd stuff myself 'til I was sick and couldn't eat another bite and then go back for more an hour later. Why do we do that?

When I would get home from work, stressed out and miserable, I would eat dinner and veg out in front of the tv. As much as I told myself I needed to workout, I just didn't have the energy to do anything. I would promise myself that I would get up early to workout the next day. Tomorrow would be the day I would get serious. I would set my alarm to get up but when it went off at an ungodly hour I would hit the snooze button over and over again until I stumbled out of bed feeling miserable and dreading the day ahead. Rinse, lather, repeat. It's true, the rich get richer and the fat get fatter.

I often wonder what came first, the depression or the fat. Was I fat because I was depressed or was I depressed because I was fat? I'm still not sure. I know I am much happier now that I've taken control of my health. I actually look forward to going to the gym and I absolutely love my cardio kickboxing classes. I feel strong and powerful even though I'm just punching and kicking air. I think it's important to find something you like to do. Go for a walk, take a bike ride, grab a hula hoop, dance around the living room, chase the kids around the house, whatever, just move more.

I know how hard it is to get out of the rut, to stop thinking about losing weight and actually do something to make it happen but I promise you it will be worth it. There is a magic bullet to weight loss but it's not an easy pill to swallow. You have to sweat regularly and you have to stop eating excessive amounts of processed crappy food. It really is that easy (easy to understand but so HARD to put into practice).

How bad do you really want it? Are you ready to fight for it? You can do it. All you have to do is, you know, DO IT!

I want to THANK YOU all for encouraging me through my years of struggles and joining me on this journey. It's nice to know no matter where we are on this journey there are others out there just like us. Keep fighting for it.

As Christina says ....

'Cause if it wasn't for all
That you tried to do
I wouldn't know just how capable I am to pull through
So I wanna say thank you

'Cause it
Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter

Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter
....
I am a fighter
(I'm a fighter)
I ain't gonna stop
(I ain't gonna stop)
There is no turning back
I've had enough
....

Have you had enough yet? Are you ready to fight for yourself, for your health, for your quality of life? Time to put up your dukes and fight for it. You are worth it! Ding, Ding! Get in the ring!

Small Change Challenge - Week 3

2011-06-22T14:06:00.003-04:00

It's hard to believe we are already 3 weeks into the Small Change Challenge and I still haven't been able to get those 100 ounces of water down every day. This was supposed to be an easy goal to reach but I'm finding it harder than expected.

I have been making progress but have only worked up to 4 days this past week so I'm going to keep drinking. Time to refill my water bottle ~ two down, one more to go.

Cheers!

Slimmer this Summer and 101 Days of Summer Challenges Update

2011-06-17T08:03:00.017-04:00

We are still a few days away from the official start to summer but I'm already in summertime mode. I actually bought a bathing suit tankini top last week and didn't even cringe when I tried in on. How's that for progress? Not sure there will be any photographic evidence of said bathing suit but it's a SIZE 8!

I was so excited to find a few fellow mavericks out there who agree with me that not all rules are for everyone. As I was reading a blog post entitled "How do I lose weight and eat whatever I want?" by a new blog friend, KLA, I was thinking "Yes," "I agree," "Amen!," "Exactly," "I know," and then I got to the part where she referred to my post about Breaking the Rules. I love when great minds think alike. I really think once we stop fighting with ourselves because we aren't cruising along with ease, dealing with setbacks, aren't perfect or can't lose weight as quickly as others we are able to find what works for us individually. We are all unique and need to tailor our healthy habits to our lifestyle.

So, here's the stats on my Slimmer this Summer and 101 Days of Summer Challenges goals:

1. Stay hydrated:

As you can see from my Small Change Challenge post I did a little better this week staying hydrated. I actually got a little more than the 100 ounces in yesterday. I do need to try to drink more earlier in the day so I'm not up all night navigating the hazards to get to the bathroom.

2. Weigh in weekly:

Challenge Starting Weight (6/6/11): 151.2
Current Weight: 147.5
Total Challenge Weight Loss: 3.7

3. Stick to your exercise goals:

It's hard to believe that this is the easiest of goals for me. I've been hitting the gym for 60 minutes elliptical sessions, went to TaeBox twice this week and got lots of walking miles in. I'm still having some issues with my knee so I've been very careful not to aggravate it and had to modify some of the moves at kickboxing but I'm working around it and it's feeling a bit better now. I even went and got a better knee brace to wear to class to keep the knee more stable. Let's hope it heals quickly so I can get back to those high kicks.

4. DO NOT QUIT:

Quitting is not allowed. Even when I reach my goal I will still have to be vigilant about my food and exercise habits. I know how easy bad habits can sneak back into my life and drag me back down off the wagon. I don't ever want to see those lost pounds again. I fought hard to melt them off and destroy them and I will not allow them to come back.

5. Keep blogging:

Hi, I'm still here!

6. Encourage others:

It's been so much fun meeting so many new bloggers. Some are new to blogging and some have been around for a while but are new to me. I'm still working on getting around to meet everyone but there are not enough hours in the day. If I haven't stopped by your neck of the net yet, please be patient, I'll be by to visit soon.

1. Get to goal FINALLY!

I'm getting closer and closer every single day. I still need to pinch myself sometimes when I think of how far I've come after struggling for SO long.

101 Days of Summer Challenge 2011 Starting Weight (6/1/11): 149.5 lbs.
Current Weight (6/17/11): 147.5 lbs.
101 Days of Summer Challenge 2011 Loss to Date: 2.0 lbs.

Starting Weight 11/2009: 242 lbs.
Current Weight (6/17/11): 147.5 lbs.
Total Loss: 94.5 lbs.

I only have 6.5 more pounds to melt off 'til I reach my goal of 101 pounds lost. My Wii bitch tells me I'm back in the OVERWEIGHT BMI range after seeing it drop into the NORMAL range for a minute but I'm right there on the line and will get back to *normal* in my typical slow and steady fashion.

2. WATER:

I'm doing better and better getting enough water down but there is still lots of room for improvement.

3. C25K

This goal is still on hold due to the ol' knee injury. One of these days I'm going to make it through this program.

4. Start Maintenance

Not yet but I'll be there soon ....

Hope you are all making good progress on reaching your summer challenge goals. I look forward to hearing all about your tips and tricks to this weight loss game and what's working for you. I'm always interested to find new ways to make this journey easier or more fun.

Have a great weekend! Rock on and stay cool!

Small Change Challenge - Week 2

2011-06-15T23:13:00.001-04:00

Right now I'm drinking a delicious Cup of Stanley instead of water because the BOSTON BRUINS won the STANLEY CUP!!! I don't remember the last time they brought the Stanley Cup to Boston since I was barely out of diapers then so it's very exciting. It was such a great series to watch and a good way to get your heart rate up without having to exercise or break a sweat. I'm looking forward to another celebratory parade here in Boston. I've been to all the other parades we've had for the Celtics, Red Sox and Patriots so this will be sweet. It's so much fun to be a sports fan in this town.

Ok, time to update my hydration status. I did a little better this week by getting those 100 ounces in THREE whole days. Again, I got at least 64 ounces in the other days but only finished off that third bottle a few times. Maybe by the time the challenge ends I'll have worked my way up to a whole week of 100 ounces.

I definitely notice how full I feel when I do get those 100 ounces down. There was a study that said people ate significantly less when they drank a glass of water at least 20 minutes before a meal. I believe it because with all that water sloshing around in my belly I feel full much quicker.

There is a downside to filling up on water though and that is the constant need to pee. I ran some errands after going to the gym yesterday and had to do the cross-legged pee-pee dance up the stairs and almost didn't make it without wetting myself. Speaking of wetting myself, another benefit I've noticed after losing 90+ pounds is that I don't leak when I sneeze or cough anymore. (Sorry, TMI?). Anyone else have/had that problem?

I've been trying to get as much water as possible down early in the day so I'm not up all night taking trips to the bathroom especially since I woke up the other night, stumbled to the bathroom and stubbed my toes on the door. Luckily I don't think I broke any of them but DAMN it hurt. It took a long time to get back to sleep with throbbing toes after swearing like a sailor. Ouch!

I'm looking forward to seeing how everyone else did with their Small Changes. Looks like I'm going to need to keep working on this one for the duration of the challenge. Just like my weight loss, it's a slow and steady process but every single small change adds up to something big.

Cheers!

Breaking Rules ...

2011-06-14T10:28:00.009-04:00

I got a very thoughtful comment from the lovely Princess Dieter and wanted to answer her question and explain my reasons behind breaking some of the Slimmer this Summer Challenge rules.

Princess Dieter wrote:

As one of the coordinators, I figure as long as you update weekly, keep in touch with our peops, and meet some self-decided goals, sure, why not, stay, its fine. :)

I just never understand why someone who hates rules would even wanna join a challenge with a bunch of rules. How come? I'm just curious.

My perspective, for any who might care: I like the structure challenge rules provide to CHALLENGE my lazy tendencies. My life tends to be UNSTRUCTURED, so challenge rules are actually a beneficial change for my undisciplined self. :D Left to my own devices, entropy takes over.

I think one of y'all Brandoesque rebels should start the next series of challenges: We Ain't Got Not Stinkin' Rules Diet Challenge, Leather Jackets and Tattoos optional (of course, cause ain't no rules). hahaha I'd like to see how to set that one up!

Anyway, happy to have a maverick on board for the check ins. Happy week to us all...

Honestly, I really didn't set out to break any rules. When I first read Debbi's post about the challenge I mistakenly thought the goals she listed were her goals, not the rules for all of us to follow. I know how important counting calories and journaling can be for some weight loss warriors but I've tried it many times over the years and it just doesn't work for me.

If I've learned anything over 30 years of riding the dieting roller coaster it's that all diets will work but the weight will come right back if you don't find a way to make healthy living a part of your lifestyle. Losing weight is really hard but it's even harder to keep it off.

I lost over 60 pounds on a very popular commercial weight loss plan but couldn't deal with eating out of a cardboard box so I gained it all back plus more. I then lost over 60+ pounds on a modified Atkins plan but couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life not eating bread or pasta so as soon as I ate a crouton I blew back up again. Not sure what I was thinking because my better half is Italian and it's just not natural for us to live without bread or pasta. My poor Grandma must have been doing flips in her grave that year. I've tried all sorts of diets and different weight loss plans and would always lose weight but it always came back quicker than it came off.

I know this time is different. I've been making my own rules and not trying to fit in and conform to someone else's weight loss plan. This time I've been focusing on getting healthy and fit and not so much about losing "x" number of pounds in "x" number of days. Sure, I love seeing the numbers on the scale go down but I've been more focused on getting to the gym and getting my heart rate up, lifting weights and seeing my muscles become more defined, getting my ass kicked at TaeBox and feeling like I could take on the world and win.

I've been learning how to feel my emotions instead of trying to stuff them down with food. I haven't had a real binge in over a year although I have, on occasion, eaten more than I should have just because it tasted good and I wanted it. The difference now is I'm not beating myself up about it anymore. I ate it, I enjoyed it, I'll work it off, move on.

I'm learning that food is not love. Food does not change how people treat us. Food does not make life any less stressful. Food is just fuel and some fuel makes our engines run smoother and some fuel clogs everything up and makes us run like crap.

I think we all need to find the rules we can live with and make them work for us. We need to stop trying to fit into the mold society wants to put us in and just focus on feeling good in our own skin and working with what we have. What has worked for me may not work for you or anyone else. The weight hasn't come off quickly but it is coming off slow and steady and I'm ok with that. I believe if it ain't broke, don't try to fix it. So thanks for letting me continue with the challenge and letting me be me, it's all I know how to do.

I've lost over 90+ pounds without counting a single calorie or tracking my food and I'm going to continue to do what works for me. What's working for you?

Maverick out!

Late 101 Days of Summer Challenge Update

2011-06-12T11:20:00.011-04:00

I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date.... Ooops, looks like I missed the deadline. I don't know what is it with me these days. Not working and not having a schedule has taken a toll on my organizational skills. I wasn't sure what day I was supposed to update for Biz's 101 Days of Summer Challenge so I missed the deadline. I think I'm going to combine my updates for the Slimmer this Summer Challenge and the 101 Days of Summer Challenge since my goals are similar and it will be easier for me to remember to actually do it. Better late than never, right?

Here's how I did on my 101 Days of Summer Challenge Goals:

1. Get to goal FINALLY!

101 Days of Summer Challenge 2010 Starting Weight: 215 lbs.
101 Days of Summer Challenge 2010 End Weight: 198 lbs.
101 Days of Summer Challenge 2010 Total Loss: 17 lbs.

101 Days of Summer Challenge 2011 Starting Weight (6/1/11): 149.5 lbs.
Current Weight (6/10/11): 148.2 lbs.
101 Days of Summer Challenge 2011 Loss to Date: 1.3 lbs.

Starting Weight 11/2009: 242 lbs.
Current Weight (6/10/11): 148.2
Total Loss: 93.8 lbs.

I only have 7.2 pounds 'til I reach my goal of 101 pounds lost. Don't you think it would be fitting to reach my goal of 101 pounds lost during the 101 Days of Summer Challenge?

I actually dropped into a NORMAL BMI for a few seconds yesterday but jumped back up to OVERWEIGHT today. I didn't feel the difference and don't really care about the stupid BMI chart but it was fun to hear my Wii tell me I was NORMAL after listening to it tell me I was OBESE and OVERWEIGHT for so long. I should have waited 'til I was firmly planted in normal BMI territory before celebrating but I know I'll get back down and stay in the Normal range soon. If I've learned one thing over the past year and a half it's that my weight can fluctuate wildly from one day to the next but it doesn't necessarily mean I gained or lost actual fat, it's just what the stupid scale says at that particular moment.

2. WATER:

Most days I was able to choke down around 60-70 ounces so I didn't succeed in reaching those 100 ounces. I only drank 100 ounces of water on the two days last week that were over 90 degrees and humid. I've been keeping my water bottle filled and by my side but I have to remember to actually drink it.

3. C25K

I got in a few good sessions of the C25K last week and then tweaked my knee (again) at TaeBox on Tuesday so I have been sticking with the elliptical to keep the pressure of these ol' knees. I hope to be able to start Week 4 of the C25K program sometime this week if the knee stops acting up.

4. Start Maintenance

Not yet ....

It's dreary and rainy today so I doubt I'll get out for a walk. Hope the sun is shining where you are and you are enjoying the weekend. I'm off to check out how everyone else is doing as long as my internet connection doesn't crap out again.

Stay Cool....

Check it Out!

2011-06-11T15:21:00.003-04:00

I'M NORMAL!!!!

Slimmer this Summer Challenge Update

2011-06-10T23:27:00.002-04:00

It's summer in the city with temps in the 90s, crazy humidity and lots and lots of pollen. Not only am I dripping with sweat as soon as I dry off from the shower but my eyes are puffy and my nose is raw from sneezing constantly, it's not pretty. Thankfully this weekend the temps are supposed to drop into the sweet 60s. Ahhhh....

So, not only did I fail to mention that Mir a/k/a the Princess Dieter, was one of the masterminds behind the Slimmer this Summer ("StS") challenge along with Debbi, apparently I didn't pay close attention to all the rules. Ooops. I'm keeping my fingers crossed they won't kick me out for breaking a few of them. What can I say, I'm a bad girl that has issues with authority, likes to buck the system and likes to make my own rules as long as I'm not breaking any laws, well, maybe a few of the stupid laws.

These are the rules that the StS Challenge "require" and my reasons for breaking some of them. Oh, and if breaking the rules wasn't bad enough, I also need to redefine some of my initial goals because I decided not to take the job so some of my goals just don't apply right now.

1. Track food and water:

Over the years and the numerous diets I've been on I've tried my hand at tracking my food in a paper notebook, on SparkPeople, on my FitBit, on Twitter, in a Word document and a few other random places but it always made me feel like I was going to confession or I'm being judged. Of course, I know the only person doing the judging is me but I've always been my harshest critic so it can get pretty bad. Objection! Sustained! What were you thinking eating that? How could you eat so much of that? I know tracking is a great way to, well, track but it just doesn't work for me. I obsess and beat myself up over the things I shouldn't have eaten instead of just enjoying them and moving on. I've come this far without tracking so I'm not going to force myself to do it.

I have been keeping track of my water consumption and I'm definitely not getting enough. Drinking 100 ounces a day was the only goal I set for the Small Change Challenge and I didn't do very well the first week. I've only been getting around 60-70 ounces a day but the heat and humidity the past few days have been a great incentive to stay hydrated so I did chug all 100 ounces the past 2 days.

2. Keep calories around 1200-1400 a day/10K or less per week:

Counting calories, like tracking food, drives me nuts. How am I supposed to calculate everything? How many calories are in 3 french fries? How much milk did the girl at Dunkin Donuts put in my coffee? Am I estimating too high or too low? Should I round up or round down? Was that one serving or two? Who the hell knows? I've never been able to count calories or points but I can count how many scoops of ice cream there are in a large compared to the kiddie size so I just shoot for reasonable portions and make the best choices I can at any given moment.

3. Stay hydrated:

I am definitely working on this one. 60-70 ounces a day isn't bad but I'm going to concentrate on reaching that 100 ounces consistently.

4. Weigh in weekly:

When the challenge started on the 6th I weighed in at 151.2 and today I weighed in at 148.2 which would be a 3 pound loss. WooHoo! Wait, not so fast...my official weigh-in days have always been Friday and my weight on Friday the 3rd was 147.9 which means I gained .3 this week. I'm going to keep using my Friday weigh-ins for this challenge so I had a slight gain the first week. Looks like I'm going to need to kick it up a notch. If I learned anything over the past year and a half it's that my body weight can fluctuate wildly from one day to the next so I'm not worried about a .3 gain. I'm doing what I need to do so I know the results will come eventually.

5. Stick to your exercise goals:

Since I didn't go back to work this will be easier to stick to because I have the time to continue to workout on my regular schedule. I tweaked my knee (again) at TaeBox on Tuesday but was able to workout for an hour on the elliptical Wednesday and Thursday and today I went to Tabata. I also got a few miles of walking in almost everyday so I'm sticking to my exercise goals.

6. DO NOT QUIT:

I WILL NEVER GIVE UP! If I didn't give up after years of struggling and gaining I'm certainly not going to give up now. I'm so close to my goal I can almost taste it. Quitting is just not an option.

7. Keep blogging:

Hi, I'm here!

8. Encourage others:

I've been trying to get around to everyone's blog and comment but between spotty internet connections and blog reading from my phone that sometimes makes it impossible to comment, I haven't been able to get to everyone yet but I will. I'm so happy to have some new visitors here too. It's always fun to meet new friends and make new connections.

So, what do you think? Can I stay in the challenge even though I'm not following ALL the rules? Aren't some rules meant to be broken? Are you a rule breaker?

Hope you all have a great weekend! Stay cool.

Small Change Challenge - Week 1

2011-06-08T21:56:00.002-04:00

Week One of the Small Change Challenge was a big ol' bust for me. I thought getting enough water would be one of the easiest of small changes to make but I guess sometimes the small changes are just as hard as the giant ones.

It's just water. What's so hard about staying hydrated? Just drink it, right? It's not like I have to walk a mile and pump it out of a well, I just have to go in the kitchen and turn on the faucet. Well, apparently there's more to it than that. It's not as easy as it looks, at least not for me.

I drink at least a 32 ounce bottle for every hour at the gym but the rest of the day is a struggle. I've been Diet Coke free for almost 3 years so I drink 8-10 ounces with my meals but other than that I'm not getting nearly enough.

Today was the first day all week I actually drank 100 ounces but only because it was so hot and humid ~ I really needed it. I always hated the heat and humidity but it's a little easier to deal with now that my thighs don't try to light on fire from all the friction.

Looks like I have to keep working on this small change until I get it down. It really shouldn't be so hard. I hope you're having more success with your small changes. I'll be checking in and cheering you on. I hope you're showing me how it's done. If you didn't join the challenge you can still make those small changes to add up to big results.

How much water do you drink? Do you get enough? Remember, hydrate or die.

Sizing Up!

2011-06-07T08:41:00.005-04:00

Size is a matter of opinion depending on the designer. It seems the more expensive the clothes are the smaller number on the size label. I guess if you pay enough money they will tell you what you want to hear. You may be a size 12 but if you have enough cash you can fit into a size 8. This is why we now have sizes like "00." Soon they'll be coming out with negative sizes. How do you get less than zero?

I've been fitting comfortably in size 12s lately with a few stretchy 10s here and there. I've been dreaming about fitting in to single digit sizes for so long but knew that might be an unrealistic goal for me to be able to sustain. Imagine my surprise when I purchased a pair of size 10 jeans last week that were too big. How is that possible? They do have some stretch to them so that probably had something to do with it. They were not expensive so I don't think they run big but I could be wrong.

I wasn't able to try the jeans on at the store and was worried I wouldn't be able to get into them. I kept holding them up thinking "they look so small," "I'm never going to be able to get my ass into these," "look how tiny they are." I can't believe I'm going to return them for a SIZE 8!!! SIZE EIGHT!!! Me? SIZE EIGHT??? I guess the size doesn't really matter and we should concentrate on feeling good in our skin, not because of what's printed on the label. I remember some bloggers wrote over all the tags on their clothes "SIZE HEALTHY." That's what I've been striving for ~ Size Healthy.

Some days I need to just pinch myself. Am I dreaming? If I lose another 10 pounds will I really be a consistent SIZE EIGHT? Are clothes sized bigger now than years ago? Were the Size 8s I wore in my teens smaller than the Size 8s I'm wearing now?

After years and decades of struggling I think I'm finally figuring it out. It took long enough! Size 8, here I come.

What a Difference a Year Makes ....

2011-06-03T08:40:00.001-04:00

Small Change Challenge

2011-06-01T08:15:00.002-04:00

Call me crazy but I decided to join another challenge. I love the idea of making small changes because I'm all about slow and steady progress. I've lost weight quickly before but it came back on even more quickly and brought it's fat friends.

Even though I already committed to two other challenges I just couldn't resist joining Tami's Small Change Challenge. Small change adds up. Those weeks where I gained a couple of pounds or only lost .1 or .2 were frustrating but when I look at the bigger picture all those small changes added up to big results. It just takes time and a consistent effort.

I know we don't want to be patient, we don't want to wait, we want the weight off NOW but getting it off quickly doesn't mean it will stay off. If you don't learn how to live healthier you will most likely go back to your old habits once you reach your goal instead of maintaining a healthy lifestyle. I don't ever want to go back to 242 pounds.

I know I've changed. I feel it. I'm not the same person I was a year and a half ago. I still have work to do but I feel so much more capable of doing it now.

My one small change for this week is to increase my water intake. I know how important it is to stay hydrated but tend to forget to drink as much water as I should. I drink plenty while I'm working out but need to keep drinking throughout the day to get the recommended daily dose. I'm shooting for 100 ounces a day.

Ok, I'm going to fill up my water bottle now and keep filling it throughout the day until I get those 100 ounces down.

Big sweeping changes can be overwhelming and seem impossible but small changes are easy. What is one small change you can make today?

Out With the Old ...

2011-05-31T21:53:00.007-04:00

I've had this picture on my sidebar for years but I think it's about time to take it down. Deleting the picture is my way of taking a hammer to it without the cool metal smashing sounds. I was always too ashamed to display the cold hard numbers so I just used this "too much" scale as a reminder that I wasn't where I wanted to be. I should look for one that says "just right" now. I may not be at goal just yet but I'm at the point where I'll be content as long as I never go above the weight I am right now. I'm determined to never venture into the 150s again, that is going to be my line in the sand.

I think I'm going to replace the above picture with this one:

I wish I had taken progress photos regularly but I had a habit of deleting every bad picture of myself and they were all bad when I was racing my way up the scale to top out at 242 pounds. When I started this blog shortly after my 40th birthday in 2007 I weighed approximately 225 and somehow managed to gain 17 pounds the first two years even though I spent almost every waking moment thinking about how much I wanted to lose weight. I've learned that thinking about it just gets you fatter.

I'm sure nobody in their right mind would want to follow in my footsteps and take almost 4 years (only a year and a half of real effort) to get close to goal but I am proof that it can happen if you don't give up. You will get there no matter how long it takes if you keep trying things until you find what works for you. What worked for me is the anti-diet diet, the slow and steady mentality and lots of sweat. Oh, and losing my job and having the time to go to the gym everyday certainly helped. I'm not sure it would have ever happened if I didn't get laid off which is why I believe everything happens for a reason. It ended up being such a blessing. I think this may be my reward for putting up with all that b.s. for so long.

If what you're doing now isn't working, try something different. Nothing is off limits in my diet because I know as soon as you tell me I can't have something it's the only thing I want. Here's an example: DO NOT THINK ABOUT ELEPHANTS! So, what are you thinking about right now? Elephants? right? See?

If I give myself permission to have absolutely anything I want in moderation it loses its hold on me. It's no longer a temptation. I can have if I really want it. It's just food and most of the time I've tasted whatever it is before. Do I really want it? or do I want to make a better choice? You'd be surprised how often you'll make the better choice if you just give yourself permission to have what you really want (in moderation).

If you hate the elliptical, try the bike. If you hate the gym, take a walk around the block. If you want to feel strong, take a kickboxing class (I LOVE IT!!!). If you want to relax, try yoga. If you want to dance, try zumba. If you want to feel pain in every single muscle of your body, try tabata. If you can't get out of the house do some sit ups or squats throughout the day, throw some punches, do a few jumping jacks, anything to get you moving. Whatever it takes to make it work for you is what you need to find. Keep looking and don't stop until you find it.

It's time to get rid of old habits that aren't working for you and replace them with new and better ones. What small change can you make today to get you one small step closer to where you want to be? Out with the old and in with the new and improved version of you.

Second Annual 101 Days of Summer Challenge

2011-05-31T08:19:00.006-04:00

Summer is unofficially here in the northern hemisphere! Took long enough, huh? I hope you all enjoyed the long Memorial Day weekend. I took my first swim in the pool and for the first time in a long time didn't freak out about being seen in a bathing suit. I didn't even wear shorts over my bathing suit like I've done for years. Now that is a NSV!

I had so much fun last year participating in Biz' 101 Days of Summer Challenge I decided to jump in again this year. It's interesting to look back and see where I started a year ago and the progress I made during the challenge. Last year I started the challenge at 215 pounds and broke through to Onederland by losing 17 pounds. This year I'm starting at 149 pounds and only have 8 pounds to go to reach my goal of 101 pounds lost! Sometimes I need to pinch myself because it seems so unreal after struggling for so long.

My goals for the 2011 101 Days of Summer Challenge are:

1. Get to goal FINALLY! I have 8 pounds to go to reach 101 pounds lost and get to a (high range) normal BMI.

2. Drink more water. I'm shooting for those 100 ounces per day.

3. Keep working on the C25K (I'm up to week 3 these days). This was one of my goals last year that I still haven't mastered. I thought about accepting the fact that I'm not meant to be a runner but I'm going to keep working on this one.

4. Start the hardest part of weight loss ~ maintaining it.

I tweaked my goals a bit from what I first told Biz because I decided to turn down the job that I was supposed to start tomorrow. I'm not sure if I made the right decision but I feel more at peace now that I have made the decision so that must mean something. I'm sure I'll be heading back to the work force very soon but it will not be tomorrow.

I'm looking forward to meeting new challengers and cheering everyone on. I'm sure it will be a great summer if we can all reach our goals or at least make good steady progress. As you all know by now, I'm a firm believer in slow and steady.

Rock on!

Freedom is NOT Free

2011-05-30T08:07:00.000-04:00

Many have paid the highest price. Please remember to thank all of those who have made sacrifices for our freedom.

Happy Memorial Day!

Photographic Proof I am NOT the Biggest Loser

2011-05-28T13:45:00.011-04:00

I've watched every single season of the Biggest Loser and was thrilled that this season ended with an all women finale. I was so excited to see the sisters, Oliva and Hannah, make it to the finals together. I love seeing people transform their lives and reach their goals but I have a few issues with the show. You can read about my love/hate relationship with TBL here. There wasn't too much drama this season and I believe almost all the "Losers" this year were there to change their lives and not just there to play the game and win the money.

I'm happy to say I no longer qualify to be on the show even if I were brave enough to get weighed in wearing a bra for all the world to see. I could barely stand to take progress photos of myself but now I wish I had. I love seeing before and after photos and wish I had the nerve to post them like many of you do. Whenever I saw a photo of my fat self I would think "who is that?" "that can't be me," "do I really look like that?" "I must destroy these photos!" Pictures can be altered and different angles can be better or worse than others but for the most part they don't lie.

In May 2010 I attended the step challenge for Season 10 of the Biggest Loser after already losing approximately 40 pounds. You can read all about how Jillian kick my ass and how burnt I was here. It was so much fun watching Season 10 with the "Boston/NY" team (Brendan, Frado and Elizabeth) after meeting them all at the challenge so I felt a special connection to their season. I have since lost an addition 50+ through Season 10 and Season 11 and I'm still not at my goal weight. I have been losing weight for over three seasons of TBL and still haven't lost as much as they all did in only 5 months. Of course we all wish the weight would come off faster but I am a firm believer that slow and steady wins the race. I've lost weight quickly before and it came back on just as quick. It really doesn't matter how long it takes you to get there as long as you are moving in the right direction.

Even though I didn't take many progress photos I did manage to find a few I didn't destroy so I could show you. The first one was taken at my 40th birthday party shortly before I started this blog in 2007. The three in the green/blue shirt were posted for Tony, the AntiJared's Missouri 60 Challenge and were the first photos of myself I put on this blog and totally freaked out about. The one in the pink shirt from May 2010 was taken at the Biggest Loser Season 10 Step Challenge after I had already lost 40 pounds.

I'm looking forward to being at goal by the time the next season of the Biggest Loser starts. Remember, it doesn't matter how long it takes to lose it. Keep making those small changes and you will get to the finish line. I'm happy to say I am NOT the Biggest Loser.

Decisions, Decisions ...

2011-05-26T09:38:00.005-04:00

How do we ever really know when we make the right ones?

I think I'm going out of my mind. I've been having second thoughts about taking the job I accepted. I had a bit of a meltdown yesterday afternoon thinking that this time next week I'll be back to the daily grind. I know I have to go back but I don't know if I should take advantage of the time remaining to look for something better. I won't have another opportunity to have this kind of time off until I retire (unless I hit the lottery).

I also can't help but feel a bit guilty as well because there are so many people out of work that would jump at the chance to take this opportunity and the others I have turned down but I can't help how I feel. Help! I just don't know what to do.

I'm heading out to my kickboxing class and plan to stay for yoga as well. I'm hoping after two hours of all those endorphins surging through me the right decision will be clear so I can be at peace with it, whatever it is. Maybe I should just leave it to fate and flip a coin.

How do you know when you are making the right decision?

Slimmer this Summer Challenge

2011-05-24T08:32:00.004-04:00

I'm excited to join Debbie's Slimmer this Summer challenge to help keep me focused on my goals especially during my transition back to the working world. You can check out all the details here. The challenge doesn't start until June 6th so there's plenty of time for you to join in too.

Here's what I'm hoping to accomplish during this challenge:

1. GOAL!

I'd love to finally get to my goal of losing 101 pounds. Over the years I've changed the amount but I think a 101 pound loss is a pretty good number to shoot for. It sounds pretty impressive, huh? It will put me in the high end of the normal BMI range but I think it will be a good weight to settle in at where I won't have to kill myself to maintain. I like curves and have no intention or desire to lose all of them if that were even possible. I've got a little more or a little less than 10 pounds to lose depending on what day's weight I go by.

2. WORKOUTS

I'm going back to work next week so I won't be able to get to the gym whenever I want. My goal is to go to my kickboxing classes twice a week at lunch and hit the gym for an elliptical session and weights at least once a week. I'm also planning on walking to and from the train station when the weather cooperates so I will get at least 2 miles of walking in each day as well.

3. WATER

I think increasing my water intake will be easier once I go back to work. I get enough water while I'm working out but when I'm out and about running around I sometimes forget to stay hydrated. I have my giant water bottle ready to bring to work and will shoot to get my 100 ounces a day.

4. FOOD

I'm going to try to limit my lunches out to once or twice a week and plan on brown bagging a healthy lunch and snacks the other three days. I'm also going to do my best to avoid all the candy and crap that is always being passed around the office. I have to remember that boredom is not a reason to eat. I also want to avoid the temptation to order take out or go out for dinner because I'm too tired to cook. This is probably going to mean that I will be eating dinner later than I have been but that might prevent my nighttime snack attacks.

5. MENTAL HEALTH

I need to stay positive and remember that food doesn't make stress go away. There is no need to stuff myself just because I feel stressed out. I'm going to start each day with a positive affirmation that it will be a good day. Some days it is just mind over matter, right? If we believe it will be good, it will.

I'm looking forward to reaching these goals by the time August rolls around. Who's up for a challenge? Come on, join in, it will be fun.

I'm off to get my ass kicked at TaeBox and then I'm having lunch with a dear friend. Hope you all have a great day!

Time of My Life

2011-05-23T16:09:00.006-04:00

I've had the time of my life the past 18 months and sadly it's all coming to an abrupt end. If you've been coming around here for a while you may remember how much I hated my job and how stressed out I was. I felt sick every single day I walked off the elevator into my office to be tortured and abused just to collect the almighty paycheck. I put up with that abuse for way too long and I don't ever want to go back to that life.

I spent the first two and a half years of this blog wanting to lose weight but never actually making much progress. It wasn't until I got laid off in November 2009 that I started making any real progress on the weight loss front. The past 18 months have been such a blessing and I'm so thankful I was able to take advantage of the time I had off. I know instead of going to the gym almost every day and dropping 90 pounds it could have easily gone the other way if I sat home in front of the tv and stuffed myself from boredom.

I spent countless hours on the elliptical. I attempted to complete the C25K program (still working on that one). I've learned how hard yoga is even though it looks so damn easy. I started lifting weights and feeling strong. I've Zumbad and I found out how long 20 seconds is doing Tabata. I found out I LOVE cardio kickboxing and actually enjoy going to the gym now. I stopped binging on crappy processed foods but still indulge in foods I love. Nothing is off limits and everything, even cake and ice cream, is fine in moderation.

I have to be honest and admit I'm extremely nervous, almost terrified, about going back to work next week. Is it too soon? Should I have held out for more money? Should I have waited until I got to my goal weight? How do we ever know if we made the right decision?

How will I find the time to get to the gym after working 40 hours? How will I resist eating the crappy food that is always in the office? How will I deal with the stress? How will I make sure I don't fall into the same traps that tripped me up before? Am I strong enough to handle it now?

I'm really scared. I don't want to go back to that miserable life. I don't want to be sad, depressed, tired, lazy and fat. I am stronger now but am I strong enough? I'm hoping I've learned enough over the past 18 months to make sure I don't lose myself again going back to the daily grind. I don't ever want to gain back all the weight I lost or lose the self-confidence I found.

What really scares me is the fact that I've been here before. I've been so close to reaching my goal weight only to go back to bad habits and regain all the weight again and again. I can't let that happen again. This time will be different. I'm different. I'm not going to let a job and my need for a paycheck take that from me NO MATTER WHAT!

The transition will be hard but I pray once I get into the groove I will find a way to make it work. I see YOU making it work and I just need to learn how to do it too. Please, show me the way. I don't want to get lost again. Please let me know if you have any advice on how not to lose myself again now that I found a job.

As always, thank you so much for all the support! You are the BEST!!!

Last call ....

Good News/Bad News

2011-05-20T08:27:00.007-04:00

Good News: I got a job!!
Bad News: I have to go back to work ;(

Good News: I'll be getting a paycheck
Bad News: The paycheck will be so much smaller

Good News: I'll be working at a low-stress office
Bad News: I'll be working in an office

Good News: I'll be working close enough to the gym to continue to go to kickboxing classes
Bad News: I'll be rushing to get there, work out and get back in a lunch hour

Good News: I've lost over 90 pounds since getting laid off in November 2009
Bad News: I'm still not at my goal after 18 months

Good News: I've lost a total of 90.3 pounds in the past 18 months
Bad News: I gained 1.6 pounds this week

Good News: I only have to lose 10.7 pounds to get to my goal
Bad News: The last 10 pounds are the hardest

Good News: I feel blessed to have had this time to take care of myself
Bad News: It's going to be much harder to find the time to take care of myself

Good News: It's Friday!
Bad News: I only have one more free Friday after today

Good News: It's all GOOD!

Steppin' It Up Challenge

2011-05-17T07:59:00.007-04:00

PriorFatGirl and Polar USA's Steppin' It Up Challenge is complete and I'm very proud to report that I was able to log 65.75 miles of activity in 15 days which is an average of over 4 miles a day. Here's the breakdown:

Date and Distance

5/2/2011: 9.25 (2.97 elliptical; 6.21 walk)
5/3/2011: 5.00 (2.64 walk; 2.32 taebox)
5/4/2011: --
5/5/2011: 7.00 (4.82 walk; 2.3 taebox)
5/6/2011: --
5/7/2011: 3.00 (3.08 walk)
5/8/2011: 4.00 (3.92 walk)
5/9/2011: 4.50 (2.46 elliptical; 2.04 walk)
5/10/2011: 5.00 (2.78 walk; 2.33 taebox)
5/11/2011: 5.50 (2.78 elliptical; 2.77 walk)
5/12/2011: 6.5 (4.29 walk; 2.28 taebox)
5/13/2011: 6.0 (2.99 elliptical; 2.94 dreadmill)
5/14/2011: 2.5 (2.52 walk)
5/15/2011: 2.0 (1.93 walk)
5/16/2011: 5.5 (3.21 elliptical; 2.15 C25K)

Total Activity Miles: 65.75

Not too shabby, huh? I'm excited to find out how I did compared to the other competitors but I'm pretty happy with those numbers except for the two days I wasn't able to get a workout in.

Here are my FitBit weekly stats for 5/09/2011 to 5/15/2011:

TOTAL STEPS: 103,883
DAILY AVERAGE: 14,840 steps
WEEKLY BEST: 21,600 steps

TOTAL DISTANCE: 45.06 miles
DAILY AVERAGE: 6.44 miles
WEEKLY BEST: 9.33 miles

TOTAL CALS BURNED: 15,626
DAILY AVERAGE: 2,232 cals
WEEKLY BEST: 2,433 cals

WEIGHT CHANGE: 0.6 lb
LIGHTEST: 150.1 lb
HEAVIEST: 150.7 lb

As you can see, I was so damn close to breaking into the 140s. I don't know when I'll get there or when I'll reach goal (soon, I hope) but I know it will happen because I'm not giving up, no matter what.

Jen has been inspiring me for years as she has taken us along on her healthiness journey and she continues to inspire me every single day through all of her ups and downs. In her recent email to the challengers she wrote "You cannot give up. Push hard, end with a bang and give it all you have. There are no winners or losers in this challenge - this is about you pushing yourself beyond what you think you can do."

Have you been giving it all you got? Have you been pushing yourself beyond what you think you can do? Have you been steppin' it up? If not, why not? You are worth it. Get moving and Step It Up!

Steppin' It Up

2011-05-09T21:34:00.004-04:00

Every single journey we take starts with one single step and now it is time for me to step it up and finally get to my goal. I decided to join Prior Fat Girl's Steppin' It Up Challenge which is a two week competition to log the most miles. I'm not sure how my miles are stacking up against the other competitors but I've logged almost 30 miles in the first week and I'm hoping to step it up even more the second week. As much as I would love to win the fabulous prize of a Polar Heart Rate Monitor, I'm not in it for the prizes.

For almost a year now I've been keeping track of my steps with a FitBit. It may not have all the bells and whistles of the Polar HRM but it definitely keeps me motivated to reach my goal of getting at least 10,000 steps a day. Some days are much harder than others but I've noticed that I don't come close to those 10,000 steps unless I get to the gym or go for a LONG walk.

FitBit recently started sending me weekly stats in an e-mail so I plan on recording them here so you can see how active (or inactive) I've been. Feel free to give me a little kick if you notice I've been slacking off.

Here are my stats for the week of 5/02/2011 to 5/08/2011:

TOTAL STEPS: 98,645
DAILY AVERAGE: 14,092
WEEKLY BEST: 25,137 steps

TOTAL DISTANCE: 42.31 miles
DAILY AVERAGE: 6.04 miles
WEEKLY BEST: 10.88 miles

TOTAL CALS BURNED: 15,697
DAILY AVERAGE: 2,242 cals
WEEKLY BEST: 2,717 cals

WEIGHT CHANGE: 0.5 lb
LIGHTEST: 151.2 lb
HEAVIEST: 151.7 lb

I'm still struggling to get under the 150 pound mark but I'm not stressing out about it. Just like the past 90+ pounds I've lost, these last pounds will come off slowly but surely as long as I continue doing the right things to make it possible. I figure the longer it takes me to get to goal the more likely I am to learn what I need to do to stay there and not relapse like I've done in the past.

Summer is just around the corner for those of us in the northern hemisphere. What are you doing to step it up?

May Day! May Day!

2011-05-01T13:00:00.006-04:00

Happy May Day!

It's almost time to break out the bathing suits for those of us who have struggled through a long cold snowy winter. Spring has finally sprung here in the Northeast and my itchy, watery eyes and non-stop sneezing fits prove that things are bloomin' and pollen is flying everywhere.

I've been dancing around the 150 pound mark but haven't been able to break through to the 140s yet. "They" say that the last 10 pounds are the hardest to lose but I disagree. Every single pound lost is hard and takes effort but it is worth it. I managed to gain 1.3 pounds this week but I'm used to the roller coaster by now and know that it's just how my body fluctuates. I generally have a few good weeks of losses and then a gain.

I'm planning on joining a couple of challenges to keep me motivated and hopefully help me reach my goal this month or next. I'm a very slow loser but I'm getting there, slowly but surely. As soon as I get all the challenge details I'll let you know all about it.

Have a great May Day!

Wordless Wednesday - Spring Edition

2011-04-27T21:20:00.005-04:00

Happy Patriots Day!

2011-04-18T21:27:00.000-04:00

Patriots Day, also known as Marathon Monday, is a BIG holiday here in Boston. It was a perfect day for a run. Oh, not for me, I'm still struggling to complete the C25K program but it was a good day for those crazy fit people who are able to run for 26.2 miles! I can't even imagine being able to run that far but I admire every single person who attempts it. I didn't go in town early enough to get a good spot to take pictures of the runners but I had fun seeing everyone walking around with their white and silver capes like superheros. They are my superheros. Congrats to all who ran, walked, or crawled across the finish line!

It's Always Something ....

2011-04-16T12:24:00.000-04:00

WOW! What a week!

As Roseanne Roseannadanna* used to say, "it's always something - if it ain't one thing, it's another. I was disappointed I didn't get my usual workouts in last week due to a bunch of different reasons. Sometimes life just gets in the way, ya know? I did go to the gym Monday for an hour long session with the elliptical, got my ass kicked at TaeBox on Tuesday and went on a few walks here and there but that was it. It's funny that a couple of years ago that would have been a great week of workouts.

B had to have some minor surgery on Thursday (he's fine now) so I wasn't able to go to kickboxing and both of our vehicles are at the repair shop so I didn't have any wheels to get around. We've been having quite a run of bad car karma these days. We've spent about $2,000 in repairs in just the past couple of weeks and the vehicles still aren't running right.

I really need to suck it up and get back to work soon. How do you really know what you're getting yourself into when everyone seems so sweet and nice when you interview with them? I know you will think I'm crazy but I actually turned down a job last week. Who does that in this economy? Have I lost my mind? Maybe. I turned it down because it was an extremely HIGH stress position for extremely low dirt pay and I just wasn't willing to sell out knowing I'd be walking right back into a bad situation. I do have two interesting interviews set up for next week though so I'm keeping my fingers crossed I'll end up in a good place.

Anyway, just wanted to check in and let you know what's been going on with me.

*Most of you are probably too young to remember Gilda Radner's SNL News character Roseanne Roseannadanna. Roseanne Roseannadanna would read a letter, usually from the ever-curious Richard Fader of Fort Lee, New Jersey. The letter would ask a series of questions, usually about some current social issue, to which Roseannadanna would usually reply, "Mr. Fader, you sure do ask a lot of stupid questions for a guy from New Jersey," or "You belong in New Jersey!" Then she would sometimes make a derogatory comment about New Jersey. She would then answer the questions. While answering the questions, she would invariably digress, launching into a lengthy anecdote with no relevance to the topic at hand, frequently having to do with an encounter Roseannadanna had had with a celebrity. Invariably, the story would lead into Roseannadanna's going into disgustingly graphic detail about bodily functions or personal hygiene; with these details, she would use a famous celebrity as an example and say that she would ask these celebrities, "What are ya tryin' to do, make me sick?!"

Eventually, Jane Curtin would interrupt, stating, "Roseanne, you're making me sick." Curtin would then ask her what her comments had to do with the question. Roseannadanna's response was, "Well, Jane, it just goes to show you, it's always something--if it ain't one thing, it's another."

All Good Things

2011-04-11T08:36:00.003-04:00

I am so thankful and feel truly blessed to have had the opportunity to get my life, body, soul and mind back in shape over the past year and a half but as the saying goes, "all good things must come to an end" and I have to admit I'm really scared. I don't want to go back into that deep dark hole ever again. I don't want to feel sick every single day I have to go to work and feel like I've sold my soul for a paycheck.

The clock is ticking and I'm at the point where I really need to get back to the daily grind. I've been interviewing and I can feel my stress level increase just walking in the doors of these law firms. I know they are not all going to be as bad as the place I worked but I'm still nervous and worried about how I'm going to find a way to make sure I don't let stress take me back down that road again. I was reduced to tears almost every single day and would feel physically sick just getting off the elevator in the morning.

When I got laid off in November 2009 I was extremely stressed out, depressed and tipping the scales at my highest weight ever. I joined the gym and spent an average of 5 days a week sweating on the elliptical for hour long sessions. I was able to get a handle on my stress/binge eating and stopped trying to stuff my feelings down with food.

It was a very slow process but I've managed to lose over 80 pounds and I'm so close to reaching my goal weight. Over the past six months I found out that I LOVE kickboxing and experienced how amazing an endorphin high can be. I have more energy and look forward to getting out of bed instead of hitting the snooze button over and over again.

Is it just going to be a matter of time management and finding the time to get to the gym? How will I handle the urge to eat all the crap that is always around the office? How will I respond when I feel overwhelmed with work and having to deal with difficult, hard to please lawyers who expect miracles?

I don't have the answers but I'm hoping some of you have some good advice. It's coming down to the wire and I'm going to have to find a way to make it work. Help! I'm scared! Any suggestions?

Numbers Game

2011-04-01T10:29:00.002-04:00

I apologize for being so inconsistent with my posts. Seems like I wrote more when I wasn't losing than I do now. I'm probably one of the most inconsistent bloggers around but just because I haven't posted does not mean I've given up and fallen off "the wagon." I'm still here and going strong. Well, maybe not strong but I'm going and getting stronger every day.

I did manage to gain 2.8 pound this week but I'm not really that upset about it. After weighing myself every single day for over a year I've learned that my weight can fluctuate up to 5 pounds from one day to the next, it doesn't necessarily mean I binged or didn't work out all week. It can be such a head game but we have to learn how to get over the numbers. It is what it is and we can't let it throw us off track.

We've all played the numbers game, right? We start a diet determined to lose "X" amount of weight in "X" amount of days and if we don't see the numbers we want on the scale we tend to throw our hands in the air and give up because what's the use. We workout, we eat right and we don't lose as much as we expected to lose or may even show a gain. It's enough to make you crazy and start thinking negative, self-defeating thoughts and send us running to the kitchen to stuff down our frustrations with all the foods we had been denying ourselves. We tend to say things like "What's the use? I exercised every single day, avoided all those yummy foods I wanted and gained weight. I give up." Don't ever give up!

I'm happy to say that I've stopped playing this numbers game for the most part. Over the past year and a half I have concentrated more on my workouts, fighting the urge to binge and mindlessly eat and being more consistent with my food choices. Some weeks I only lost .1, some weeks I gained and on rare occasions I would lose a few pounds. Whether I lost or gained I've just continued to do what I've been doing and eventually the scale catches up.

I find it a little hard to believe I've lost over 80 pounds and only have about 15 pounds to lose to get to my goal. We all know those last 10-15 pounds are the hardest, right? They're all hard if you ask me but I'm just going to continue to do what I need to do and not worry about how many days/weeks/months it will take me to get there. It's not a race. It took years, decades, a lifetime even, to put it all on so why do we expect it to come off as soon as we sweat for 5 minutes or eat a carrot?

Hang in there, take care of yourself, move your body, fuel it with good stuff and be patient. We'll get there as long as we never give up. It's kind of like the lottery, you can't win if you don't play so get out there and get in the game. Rock on!

Long and Winding Road - One Step at a Time

2011-03-04T07:52:00.009-05:00

I spent so many YEARS struggling to get a grip on my weight issues, body image and eating disorders. I started this blog shortly after my 40th birthday and two years later I was even fatter, totally stressed out and absolutely miserable. No matter how badly I wanted to lose weight I was just not doing the things I needed to do consistently enough to make that happen. It wasn't until I got laid off from my job after 11+ stressful years that I had a breakthrough. I got rid of the overwhelming stress of my daily life, I joined the gym and started working out regularly, I stopped bingeing, I started eating healthier foods but didn't give up anything. Nothing was off limits.

Throughout the past 14 months I have indulged in all sorts of so-called "bad" foods. I've had cookies, cake, ice cream, chocolate, bread and everything and anything else I really wanted IN MODERATION. I didn't make myself sick by eating a dozen or more cookies like I had in the past but would have one or two and be satisfied. I started really tasting those treats and realized I didn't want to waste my indulgences on processed, packaged crap that didn't really taste good. I passed up the crap and enjoyed every bite of homemade deliciousness without guilt.

Some weeks I didn't lose any weight, some weeks I only lost .1 or .2 pounds and other weeks I gained weight but I learned it didn't really matter what the scale said as long as I continued to work out and eat right I was on the right road and would eventually get to where I needed to be. I'm not there yet but I'm extremely close. I think I'm right around the weight I was when I first started dieting. How is it that I feel healthy and strong now but it wasn't good enough then? When will we learn to accept our bodies? I know I will never be tall or a size two and I'm ok with that. I don't need to be a certain size to feel good, I just need to keep taking care of myself.

Whether you are just starting out on this road or you're tired from the long journey, don't be discouraged. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and each little baby step will bring you one step closer to where you want to be. Keep the faith and never give up. You are worth it!

Perfect Weight Loss Plan

2011-02-11T09:33:00.004-05:00

Jenny C., WW, Atkins, South Beach, Nutri-System, Calorie Counting, Cabbage Soup, Slim-Fast, Starvation, Binge/Purge ... you can lose weight using any weight loss program out there if you stick to it. Some methods are dangerous, some are expensive, some are time consuming, some are tried and true and healthier than others but if you can't see yourself doing it for the rest of your life and think once you get the weight off you can go back to eating like you did before you are setting yourself up to fail.

I can't tell you how many times I thought I had my weight problem licked after losing 60+ pounds only to regain it in record time and end up fatter than I was before I started the life-changing diet.

This time was different. Nothing, I mean, absolutely nothing, was off limits. I've had cake, cookies, pasta, bread, alcohol, you name it, I've eaten it and still lost weight. The difference this time is I've only had what I really wanted. I stayed away from the boxed crap and only indulged if I REALLY wanted it. If I took a few bites and it wasn't as good as I expected it to be, I didn't finish it.

I've also put in more time at the gym than I ever have before. I learned how amazing an endorphin high can be and I've become addicted to cardio kickboxing. I absolutely love how I feel after getting good and sweaty at the gym. Some days it is a struggle to get there but it is always worth it.

I read so many blogs where people moan about not being able to eat chocolate or go out to dinner with friends because of the temptations they will face. Dieting shouldn't take over your life. You need to find one that works with your life and one that you can do for the rest of your life. I never thought I'd be saying this but if I can do it, you can too. Find what works for you and stick with it, be consistent and never give up.

What works for you?

Why Be Normal?

2011-02-07T08:00:00.009-05:00

"Normal" is relative. What is normal for you or me may seem totally bat-shit crazy to someone else. Most of my friends are unusual characters, not crazy people, just unique individuals. I've always gravitated towards people who have strong personalities, don't tend to run with the masses or even care what the masses think, and march to the beat of their own drum.

I always thought that being "Normal" was overrated. Who wants to be normal? Normal is boring and in the case of the BMI chart can be total bull. Still, when it comes to the BMI chart, I've been dreaming of being considered "Normal" and can't believe how close I'm getting to that "Normal" line. Check out the snapshot of my Wii screen showing my BMI graph. In November 2009 my BMI was over 40 which is the Morbidly Obese range and now I'm hovering just above "Normal."

I have no intention of getting down to the recommended BMI for my height because I think I would look scary skinny at that weight (129) and it would be almost impossible for me to maintain it without severe food restrictions and hours at the gym daily. I really like my curves and have every intention of keeping them so I'm shooting for the high end of the BMI "Normal" range.

I was so excited the first day my Wii stopped saying "that's OBESE," and instead said "that's OVERWEIGHT." I can't wait to tell me I'm "NORMAL."

What do you think about the BMI chart? Do you think it's an accurate measure? or total bull?

Snow Way!

2011-02-02T12:39:00.003-05:00

Not again! Mother Nature keeps throwing a wrench into my workout plans. For the second time in the past two weeks I shoveled out my driveway, and hopped on a bus and a train to make it into Boston only to find out that my kickboxing class had been cancelled. I called the gym twice before I left yesterday morning to confirm that the class was still on and they assured me it was. As soon as I got off the train in Boston I got an e-mail notice saying it was cancelled due to the weather. I was not a very happy camper. I only got a three week trial membership to this gym so I could attend these kickboxing classes and they keep getting cancelled. I think I'm going to ask them to give me another week to make up for the classes that were cancelled. It's only fair, right?

I don't understand why everyone is so afraid of a little snow these days? Two inches of snow is cause for breaking news reports. It seems like they start closing things down as soon as the first flakes start flying. We barely had two inches on the ground but they were ready to close up and go home. When I was a kid we had to have blizzard conditions before they would even close the schools, now they seem to shut down for a flurry.

I was really looking forward to getting my ass kicked but I decided to make the best of it so it wasn't a totally wasted trip. I ended up having lunch with my friend and then decided to treat myself to a manicure. I also stopped in to see my jeweler so I could get some ring guards for my rings. I was getting nervous because they were getting so loose but didn't want to have them resized until I lose another 20 pounds or so and get closer to my goal weight. At least my rings are secure now.

They better not cancel my class again on Thursday. I wish people would just suck it up and deal with it. It's nothing new. This is winter in New England. It's going to be cold and there will be snow. UGGHHH!! Maybe I should invest in a punching bag so I can let out some of these steam. At least I've been getting some good workouts shoveling.

Hope you are staying warm and enjoying the beauty of the season.

Let is snow, let it snow, let is snow (but please don't cancel my class ;).

What Size?

2011-01-31T14:33:00.009-05:00

What a mess, huh? I have a confession to make to you. I have TONS of clothes I haven't been able to fit into for years, decades even. I have clothes with tags on them and clothes I've been dreaming about fitting back into someday. I have clothes ranging in sizes from 8 to 18 so you can imagine what a mess it is. Just look at that picture. I'm embarrassed to say that this is what one wall of my closet looked like a couple of weeks ago. Since then I have dropped off over 10 bags to charity, given away 3 bags to friends and have many more bags to go but I'm plugging away at it and making some good progress getting rid of the fat clothes and sorting through what is left.

What I really wanted to tell you about though is the pair of "goal" pants I came across. The last time I lost a substantial amount of weight I did it by doing a modified Atkins/South Beach type diet. I survived a year without having any "white stuff," you know, bread, pasta, pizza, rice, potatoes, sugar, flour, etc. I'm not sure how I lasted so long without eating the foods I loved but I did it and lost over 60 pounds by diet alone. I thought I solved the mystery and had this weight thing all figured out but I was so wrong. Once I gave in and ate a crouton I blew back up in record time and ended up even fatter than before.

I knew I couldn't live the rest of my life without eating bread so I spent years trying to find something that would work for me. I don't want to sound cocky but think I've really got it figured out this time and pray that I will never again have to buy fat clothes.

Anyway, back to the story of the "goal" pants ....

I knew I was wearing these particular pants when I was at my lowest weight back then and I know I'm about 20 pounds heavier right now but thought I would try the pants on just to see how much farther I had to go to fit into them. Imagine my surprise when I not only got them past my thighs but was able to button and zip them with absolutely no struggle. They weren't even tight, I had room to spare and there was absolutely no muffin top. How is that possible? How could I fit into these pants when I still had 20 pounds to lose to get to where I was back then?

Even though the scale says I weigh more now than I did then, I think I'm significantly smaller but heavier. Does that even make sense? I have been working my ass off at the gym and know that I am firmer and stronger than I ever have been.

What's your theory? Do you think it makes sense? Do you think it's all because I've been exercising and toning or do you have another theory? I would love to hear your opinion about how I can fit into these pants and still have 20 pounds to lose.

Time to fill up another bag ...

Feeling the Burn ...

2011-01-14T10:03:00.006-05:00

I'm back! I didn't really go anywhere but haven't been spending much time in front of the computer. I'm going to make an effort to update more often and let you know how things are going.

I'm so happy to be able to tell you that I've been feeling absolutely unstoppable lately. I don't know whether it's the endorphin high or I'm just finally feeling good in my own skin but I love it. I struggled for soooo long and when I look back I wonder why. Why did I abuse my body for so many years?

We've been getting hit here in the northeast with one snowstorm after another so I've been getting lots of extra shoveling workouts. We just got ANOTHER 8-10" here in Boston. You know I love the snow but it makes me crazy when we have more snow in Boston than we have in the mountains in Vermont.

The last big storm we had I spent almost two hours shoveling, went to cardio kickboxing, attended my first ever yoga class (WOW!!), hiked around the city in the snow and then came back home and shoveled some more. Another day I jumped through hoops just to get to my kickboxing class. I have so much energy lately and have been finding it hard to sit still long enough to type up an update.

I'm still losing at a snail's pace but I'm still losing. It took me over a year to go from a morbidly obese BMI to merely overweight and now I'm about 20 pounds away from being "Normal." I don't want to jinx anything but I haven't had the slightest gain since September. Some weeks I stayed the same or only lost 0.1 or 0.2 pounds but I'm still going in the right direction and it feels FANTASTIC.

Time to get out there and shovel the latest 8-10" gift from Mother Nature and then get my ass kicked. I can't wait!

If I could give anyone who is struggling once piece of advice it would be "DON'T GIVE UP!" It won't happen overnight but it will happen if you keep working at it and don't give up. You can do it!

Cardio Kickboxing Kicked My Ass

2011-01-06T21:02:00.006-05:00

WOW! I had a blast at my first cardio kickboxing class. My friend belongs to Women's Fitness of Boston so she took me as her guest (thanks Kathy!). It was a blast. There is no way I would have ever made it through that class a year ago. I'm not the most graceful gazelle in the herd so it took me a while to get the moves down but I didn't make too much of a fool of myself. Two days later, my ass and hips are still sore, must have been all those squats, lunges and kicks.

If you live in the Boston area, the gym is running a special trial 3 week membership for $21. I already have my Planet Fitness membership but the don't offer any classes. I figured I can go into the city twice a week for kickboxing and it works out to less than $5 a class. Totally worth it, even on my limited unemployment income.

The instructor was amazing. I can't wait 'til next Tuesday to get my ass kicked again.

Happy New Year! and Hot 100 Finale

2011-01-03T08:10:00.007-05:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Here it is - a clean slate, time to look forward to all the possibilities a new year brings. Do you start each new year by making the same ol' resolutions? How many people wait for the first Monday of the new year to start a new weight loss plan, quit smoking or start working on other goals they really should be working towards every single day of the year? The first Monday of the year holds no magic but I have no doubt the gym will be more crowded than usual. I wonder how many of them will still be there come the first Monday in February.

I love getting a new calendar and imagining what the new year has in store for me. Will I find my dream job? Will I reach my weight loss goals? Will I finally learn how to maintain? It's all possible. I feel blessed and so thankful to have had this time off from the daily grind to learn how to let go of the soul sucking stress I was constantly carrying around. I'm learning how to stop eating my feelings and stuffing down my emotions.

Since getting laid off in November 2009 I have lost a total of 70.9 pounds and feel better than I have in years, decades even. Not working really seems to agree with me. Unfortunately, unless I have the winning lottery ticket in my pocket, I will have to go back to work soon and that scares the crap out of me. I'm worried about falling back into bad habits and not making the time to workout. Just like Ms. O'Hara, I'm not going to think about that now, I'll think about that tomorrow....

Right now it's time for the Hot 100 Finale:

Goal #1 - Lose An Additional 15 Pounds by December 31st

Challenge Starting Weight (9/23/10): 194.2 lbs.
Week 1: -1.3 lbs.
Week 2: -0.9 lbs.
Week 3: -2.4 lbs.
Week 4: -4.0 lbs.
Week 5: -1.1 lbs.
Week 6: -2.6 lbs.
Week 7: --------
Week 8: -2.2 lbs.
Week 9: -4.0 lbs.
Week 10: -0.9 lbs.
Week 11: -0.2 lbs.
Week 12: -3.1 lbs.
Week 13: -------
Week 14: -0.4 lbs.
Hot 100 Challenge Weight Loss: 23.1 lbs.
(Total Weight Lost Since 11/2009: 70.9 pounds)
(Total Weight Lost in 2010: 59.1 pounds)

YES! I thought this was going to be the hardest goal to reach but it turned out to be the easiest. I'm amazed that there wasn't a single week of the challenge that I posted a gain. That's not to say my weight didn't tick up here and there during the week but it just so happened that each Friday I weighed less than the previous week. I still feel like pinching myself because I can't believe I lost weight over the holidays. Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus and miracles do happen.

Goal #2 - Couch to 5K

As you know, the C25K program has been a bit of a thorn in my side but I got a new app on my smartphone so I'm going to test out. Maybe I just need better tunes...such optimism in the new year, huh?

Goal #3 - Build More Muscles

I'm not sure how much muscle I've built up in the past 14 weeks but I don't dread going into the weight room anymore so that is definite progress.

Thanks to Steve for hosting the Hot 100 Challenge. It certainly kept me motivated to stay on track and finish out 2010 on a positive note. I had a blast meeting all my fellow hotties and hope to continue this journey with you.

Wishing you a very healthy and Happy New Year!

Christmas Eve Hot 100 Week 13 Update

2010-12-24T08:23:00.008-05:00

Merry Christmas Eve! Are you on Santa's "Nice" or "Naughty" list? I always think I should be on the list somewhere in between naughty and nice.

I hope you didn't get caught up in the commercialism of the season by racking up charges on the credit cards. Presents are great but spending time with the people you love is really what it's all about. Enjoy the beauty of the season, time with family and friends and the joy of giving from the heart.

It's hard to believe we are in the final weeks of the Hot 100.

Status of Hot 100:

Goal #1 - Lose An Additional 15 Pounds by December 31st

Challenge Starting Weight (9/23/10): 194.2 lbs.
Week 1: -1.3 lbs.
Week 2: -0.9 lbs.
Week 3: -2.4 lbs.
Week 4: -4.0 lbs.
Week 5: -1.1 lbs.
Week 6: -2.6 lbs.
Week 7: --------
Week 8: -2.2 lbs.
Week 9: -4.0 lbs.
Week 10: -0.9 lbs.
Week 11: -0.2 lbs.
Week 12: -3.1 lbs.
Week 13: -------
Total Hot 100 Challenge Weight Loss to Date: 22.7 lbs.
(Total Weight Lost Since 11/2009: 70.5 pounds)

I didn't get to weigh-in today but if I use yesterday's weigh-in I could report a 2.8 pound loss. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I can keep it off after feasting tomorrow.

Goal #2 - Couch to 5K

Last week I said "I may have to hang my head and admit defeat on this one" but Cammy wisely pointed out that "Admitting defeat is one thing, but no head hanging allowed! It's FUN to try new things, even those that don't work out for us. Or maybe it's *especially* those that don't work." I may never be a runner but I'm going to continue to work on making progress with the C25K. Manuela commented that she struggled with the program on the treadmill but once the nice weather hit she was able to rock it on the pavement. Who knows, maybe by the time spring hits I'll be rocking that C25K program.

Goal #3 - Build More Muscles

As expected, with the bustle of the holiday I've missed a few days at the gym so I haven't done much lifting this week but I'm looking forward to getting back in there and pumping some iron. I feel so tough saying things like that. ;)

Thank you so much for the support you have given me. I wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas!

Rock on Hotties!

Hot 100 - Week 12

2010-12-17T20:58:00.001-05:00

I can't believe there are only two weeks left of 2010. Are you going out with a bang or a thud? Are you on a high or a low? Are you giving yourself a free pass 'til the end of the year so you can have a fresh start on January 1st? As nice as that may sound, a free pass isn't really free, you have to pay eventually, so don't even bother trying to use it to coast through. It's not worth it. Enjoy the holidays, indulge a little but don't go lose sight of your goals.

Here's my Hot 100 Update for Week 12:

Goal #1 - Lose An Additional 15 Pounds by December 31st

Challenge Starting Weight (9/23/10): 194.2 lbs.
Week 1: -1.3 lbs.
Week 2: -0.9 lbs.
Week 3: -2.4 lbs.
Week 4: -4.0 lbs.
Week 5: -1.1 lbs.
Week 6: -2.6 lbs.
Week 7: --------
Week 8: -2.2 lbs.
Week 9: -4.0 lbs.
Week 10: -0.9 lbs.
Week 11: -0.2 lbs.
Week 12: -3.1 lbs.
Total Hot 100 Challenge Weight Loss to Date: 22.7 lbs.
(Total Weight Lost Since 11/2009: 70.5 pounds)

I guess it isn't too far fetched to think I could actually lose a total of 25 pounds for this challenge.

Goal #2 - Couch to 5K

Again, nothing new to report here ... I'm still struggling with the C25K. I may have to hang my head and admit defeat on this one. Maybe I'm just not cut out to be a runner. I'm still going to keep trying to complete this program but I'm not going to sweat it if it doesn't happen.

Goal #3 - Build More Muscles

I haven't lifted much this week but I'm feeling strong and actually look forward to hitting the weights. Who would have thought that would happen?

I hope you are all taking time to enjoy the spirit of the holiday season. It's not about the gifts, decorations and food, it's about the people and the time you get to spend with them. There's a certain magic in giving from the heart. Make a difference in someone else's life this holiday season. The kids won't believe it but it truly is much better to give than receive.

Have a Merry Happy Holiday!

Hot 100 - Week 11

2010-12-10T08:25:00.006-05:00

Three more weeks to go! Can you believe there are only three weeks left in 2010! I've been in a bit of denial about Christmas approaching. I haven't done any shopping, I haven't hung a single solitary decoration or sent out a single card. I know I need to snap out of it, go shopping and get things mailed out but I'm just not motivated to do it. What do you do to get you into the holiday spirit when you feel like the Grinch?

No matter how you've done on the Hot 100 challenge thus far it's now crunch time, last chance workout, time to finish strong. Don't you dare throw your hands up and declare the holiday season a bust because you're still stuffed like the Thanksgiving Day bird. Don't wait until January 1st to reverse any damage or make more progress, start RIGHT NOW. It will be totally worth it. Trust me, you'll see.

Here's my stats for Week 11:

Goal #1 - Lose An Additional 15 Pounds by December 31st

Challenge Starting Weight (9/23/10): 194.2 lbs.
Week 1: -1.3 lbs.
Week 2: -0.9 lbs.
Week 3: -2.4 lbs.
Week 4: -4.0 lbs.
Week 5: -1.1 lbs.
Week 6: -2.6 lbs.
Week 7: --------
Week 8: -2.2 lbs.
Week 9: -4.0 lbs.
Week 10: -0.9 lbs.
Week 11: -0.2 lbs.
Total Hot 100 Challenge Weight Loss to Date: 19.6 lbs.
(Total Weight Lost Since 11/2009: 67.4 pounds)

I hit my challenge goal to lose 15 pounds in Week 9 and decided it would be a good idea to strive to lose a total of 25 pounds for this challenge. No matter where the number ends up I'm very happy to see the scale moving in the right direction on a consistent basis. A little less than 2 pounds a week for the next three weeks doesn't sound impossible but there will be once-a-year Christmas treats and a few less days of gym time so we'll just see how it all works out.

Goal #2 - Couch to 5K

Look away, the show is over, nothing new to report here ... I'm still struggling with the C25K.

Goal #3 - Build More Muscles

I'm a little shocked to admit that I've actually been looking forward to lifting now that I've started to see a teeny tiny bit of definition in my arms. Who knew you could get results so quickly? Apparently, everyone but me ;)

I finally moved out of the dark ages and got a smart phone so I've been trying to catch up on my blog reading from there which means very little to no commenting (why can't those computer geeks figure out a way to make that easier?) but I'm still out here cheering you on.

I hope you're all enjoying the holiday season. Let's all finish out the year with a little momentum on our sides. Merry Merry!

Week Highlights and Hot 100 Update

2010-12-03T08:32:00.005-05:00

My gym membership expired on Monday and they aren't going to offer the discounted membership rate until the day after Christmas so I'm going to check out some other gyms in the area and see if I can get a free weekly pass here and there to get me through the next few weeks.

I went to my first ZUMBA class on Tuesday. The city offers free classes at the local senior center so I had a bunch of seniors dancing circles around me. I don't know what got my heart rate up more, the class or laughing so hard at myself. It was a blast. I can't wait to join them again next week. I'm not very graceful but I was definitely got a good workout in.

I did a KILLER workout yesterday that included cardio and a serious weight circuit session. I almost fell when I got out of bed this morning because my calves are killing me *ouch*. I'm definitely feeling the burn and loving it!

Time for my Week 10 Hot 100 Update:

Goal #1 - Lose An Additional 15 Pounds by December 31st

Challenge Starting Weight (9/23/10): 194.2 lbs.
Week 1: -1.3 lbs.
Week 2: -0.9 lbs.
Week 3: -2.4 lbs.
Week 4: -4.0 lbs.
Week 5: -1.1 lbs.
Week 6: -2.6 lbs.
Week 7: --------
Week 8: -2.2 lbs.
Week 9: -4.0 lbs.
Week 10: -0.9 lbs.
Total Hot 100 Weight Loss to Date: 19.4 lbs.
(Total Weight Lost Since 11/2009: 67.2 pounds)

Goal #2 - Couch to 5K

Nothing new to report here. I'm still struggling with the C25K.

Goal #3 - Build More Muscles

I'm getting stronger every single day and excited to see a little definition popping out in my arms.

Only a few more weeks of the Hot 100 to go. How are you doing on your challenge goals? Are you making progress or struggling? Can I pat you on the back or kick you in the ass?

My reader is so out of control and overflowing. I've been doing my best to catch up but you guys keep writing and I keep falling further and further behind. I hope to catch up and get back to commenting regularly soon.

Here in the northeast it's been pretty cold outside but I hope you're keeping it HOT!

Rock on!

Hot 100 - Week 9 Thanksgiving Edition

2010-11-26T21:17:00.005-05:00

Here in the states, Thanksgiving is the official start to the gluttonous holiday season. I was determined not to stuff myself into oblivion this year and I almost succeeded. My focus was on family, friends and football (GO PATS!); the food was somewhat of an afterthought. I actually skipped the big turkey dinner and all the fixin's but I made up for it by indulging in way too many sweet desserts. Over the course of the night I had very small portions of homemade birthday cake, apple pie, pecan pie, ice cream and a lemon square. I wasn't out of control but it was too much for me these days. It was all delicious but I felt pretty ill after eating it. I almost forgot how it feels to be that hyped up on sugar, not to mention the three cups of coffee I had along with it. Obviously, these weren't the best food choices but it was the holiday and I know I burnt off a huge portion of those calories at the gym so it's all good.

So, here's my update for Week 9 of the Hot 100:

Goal #1 - Lose An Additional 15 Pounds by December 31st

Challenge Starting Weight (9/23/10): 194.2 lbs.
Week 1: -1.3 lbs.
Week 2: -0.9 lbs.
Week 3: -2.4 lbs.
Week 4: -4.0 lbs.
Week 5: -1.1 lbs.
Week 6: -2.6 lbs.
Week 7: --------
Week 8: -2.2 lbs.
Week 9: -4.0 lbs.
Total Hot 100 Weight Loss to Date: 18.5 lbs.
(Total Weight Lost Since 11/2009: 66.3 pounds)

Well, well, look at that ... I already smashed this goal by losing FOUR POUNDS this week. I'm not changing my challenge goals but I'm going to try to lose a total of 25 pounds by New Year. Why not, right? I obviously didn't set the bar high enough.

I'll admit I was a little shocked when I got on the scale this morning because I missed the gym two days and was not feeling very good after all the crap I ate the night before. Over the past year there have only been a handful of weeks that I've lost up to four pounds and to be able to have a four pound loss on Thanksgiving week is a true blessing and I am very thankful.

Goal #2 - Couch to 5K

Still struggling with the C25K .... I'm not giving up but at some point I may have to admit my body isn't made for running. I'm still going to push to do this but it hasn't been easy for me.

Goal #3 - Build More Muscles

I'm getting stronger and stronger and trying to motivate myself to spend more time lifting and less time doing cardio. I was worried that cutting down on the intense cardio and increasing my weight lifting time would stall my weight loss but, thankfully *knock wood*, that doesn't seem to be happening. I have a feeling I just may be doing something right. (Lori, I think of you every single time I increase my weights. I know you'd be proud.)

I hope you had a great Thanksgiving holiday and didn't put yourself into a food coma. Treat yourself to some healthy foods this weekend and get your body moving. You'll feel better, I promise.

I'm still far behind in my blog reading with over 800+ unread posts but I'm chipping away and catching up and hope to be back to regular commenting soon.

Hope you're keeping it HOT!

An Amazing Year

2010-11-20T22:20:00.001-05:00

Happy Anniversary to ME!

Today marks the one year anniversary of my narrow escape from the corporate cement box and the nasty lawyers that tortured me for 10+ years. One short year ago I was a stressed out emotional wreck who could barely make it through the day without crying and stuffing my emotions down with massive amounts of food.

I feel so blessed to have had this year off to get my sanity, health, happiness and life back. I almost forgot what an optimistic person I am by nature. Why did I allow them to take that from me in exchange for a fat paycheck? Those bastard lawyers sucked all the happiness right out of me, stressed me out and dragged me down into a deep pit of despair. It was so dark down there in the pit I couldn't even remember what it was like to live in the light.

I know I have to go back to work soon but I'm making a promise to myself that I will never allow an employer to take away my happiness. No amount of money is worth that trade off.

Cut in Pay: <50%
Gym Membership: $99
Happiness: PRICELESS

Hot 100 - Week 8 Update

2010-11-19T22:17:00.001-05:00

Where does the time go? It seems like we just started this challenge and we're already 8 weeks into it and less than a week away from Thanksgiving.

Here's my stats for Week 8:

Goal #1 - Lose An Additional 15 Pounds by December 31st

Challenge Starting Weight (9/23/10): 194.2 lbs.
Week 1: -1.3 lbs.
Week 2: -0.9 lbs.
Week 3: -2.4 lbs.
Week 4: -4.0 lbs.
Week 5: -1.1 lbs.
Week 6: -2.6 lbs.
Week 7: ???
Week 8: -2.2 lbs.
Total Hot 100 Weight Loss to Date: 14.5 lbs.

I'm pretty confident I'm going to smash this goal by the time the New Year rolls around. I'm planning some pretty intense workouts for the beginning of next week in anticipation of the feast on Thursday.

Goal #2 - Couch to 5K

Still struggling with the C25K but I'm making a bit of progress increasing my "runnning" time.

Goal #3 - Build More Muscles

I'm disappointed that the personal training sessions are out of my budget right now but I'm doing my best to stay motivated and lift heavier weights more often. I'm starting to see more definition in my arms and love the feeling of getting stronger.

That's it for my Week 8 update. How did you do this week? I'm still way behind in my blog reading so I'm off to check out what's going on in your neck of the woods.

Keep it HOT!

Hot 100 - Week 7 Late Update

2010-11-14T22:59:00.006-05:00

So sorry I'm late again with my Hot 100 update but we unplugged ourselves and escaped from the city Wednesday night. We spent the last four days in Vermont working hard on getting things ready for winter. I haven't been to the gym but believe me when I tell you I got a few really good workouts in.

I love being able to get away from the city lights and be able to see things like the Milky Way. It was absolutely spectacular. My head is so much clearer when I'm in the mountains, not sure whether it's the fresh air or the wide open spaces but I know it's good for me.

I can't believe we're already 7 weeks into the Hot 100 with the mother of all feasting holidays less than 2 weeks away. After getting through Halloween with barely any chocolate touching my lips I'm not too afraid of what will happen on turkey day. Even if I do go a little overboard I'm going to get some good workouts in between now and then to help make up for it. You know, like the Boy Scouts always say, "Be Prepared."

Anyway, here's my belated stats for Week 7 of the Hot 100:

Goal #1 - Lose An Additional 15 Pounds by December 31st

Challenge Starting Weight (9/23/10): 194.2 lbs.
Week 1: -1.3 lbs.
Week 2: -0.9 lbs.
Week 3: -2.4 lbs.
Week 4: -4.0 lbs.
Week 5: -1.1 lbs.
Week 6: -2.6 lbs.
Week 7: ???

I didn't get to weigh in on Friday because we were away so I'm not sure if I'm still rocking this losing streak. It was looking good when I last weighed in on Tuesday so I'm hoping to see a loss by next week's official weigh in. I don't think I did too much damage over the weekend although I did end up having cake for dinner last night. Yup, that's right, I had cake for dinner and it was delicious. Obviously, it isn't something I do everyday but once in a blue moon isn't going to put 60 pounds back on my ass. Everything in moderation has been working for me so I'm just going to keep going with it.

Goal #2 - Couch to 5K

I had a little knee pain on and off last week after my "run" so I backed off on the dreadmill this week. I still love the idea of being a runner but I'm not sure this 40-something year ol' body is up for the pounding. I don't want to get sidelined by an injury so I'm trying to listen to my body and know when its had enough. I have no problem completing a 5K but running the whole way may be another story.

Goal #3 - Build More Muscles

I'm happy to report I had two great sessions in the weight room and really pushed myself so I was struggling to finish the last set. I know I pushed it because I was really sore the next day but it was a good sore that proves you worked hard.

I finally got a chance to talk to the personal trainer too and although I don't think his services fit in my budget right now I'm trying to see if I can just get an assessment and a training plan to get me motivated to work my muscles. He did think I'd see the benefits of cutting back on the cardio and increasing my time with weights and I know he's right but a part of me fears my weight loss will stall if I cut back on the cardio/elliptical sessions. I guess it will be fun to find out, right?

Hope you all had a great week and have a plan worked out for the upcoming feasting holidays. I'm so far behind in my blog reading. Sorry if I haven't commented much lately but I'm just trying to get through my backed up reader and catch up with everyone. I'm off to see how all of you have been doing. I hope you're keeping it HOT!

Motivation, Endorphins and My Hot 100 - Week 6 Update

2010-11-05T17:31:00.009-04:00

I wish I could bottle up this motivation and momentum and pass it on to those of you that are struggling. I struggled for so long and never believed it would be this [dare I say] easy. "Easy" may not be the right word because I'm working extremely hard at the gym, harder than I've ever worked out before, but the urge and desire to constantly be stuffing my face with crappy food is gone. Hallelujah! Knock Wood! Amen!

I barely ate any Halloween candy and it is still EVERYWHERE I turn. I haven't even had the urge to snack after dinner lately. I don't really recognize this person. I like her, I really like her, but I don't know her. Will she stick around or desert me again? Why was it always so hard before? Is it just a matter of having the time to go to the gym? time to take care of myself? time to think? time to go food shopping? time to cook instead of eating out or ordering takeout?

I'm having some anxiety just thinking about going back to work, getting stressed out, depressed and using food to make me numb to it all. I don't ever want to go back to that dark depressing place where I felt hopeless. I feel like I'm finally getting my soul that those bastard lawyers sucked out of me back. I don't ever want to lose it again. It's worth too much to trade it for a healthy paycheck.

I've had 7 straight weeks of losses, not Biggest Loser-type numbers, but losses none the less. This endorphin high is amazing. It takes a while to get there but it is totally worth it. There's even science to back it up. I was reading this article about endorphins that said "exercise is a powerful drug. It seduces many with its zen-like state a feeling that was fondly coined the 'runner's high' in the 1970s. The lure of exercise is often so strong that it can turn enthusiasts into addicts."

It's one addiction I wouldn't mind having. At least I'd be a healthy addict. I'd rather have that kind of vice than drinking, smoking, popping pills, snorting powder, poisoning the body with junk food or any of the other destructive things we can do to ourselves.

Ok, let's get on to the business end of my post - my stats for Week 6 of the Hot 100:

Goal #1 - Lose An Additional 15 Pounds by December 31st

Challenge Starting Weight (9/23/10): 194.2 lbs.
Week 1: -1.3 lbs.
Week 2: -0.9 lbs.
Week 3: -2.4 lbs.
Week 4: -4.0 lbs.
Week 5: -1.1 lbs.
Week 6: -2.6 lbs.

I'm making steady progress and think I can lose even more than the 15 pound goal I set. I was going to set the goal for this challenge at 20 pounds but figured I would be conservative considering all the feasting holidays. *give me strength* Hopefully I can get through the next couple of months without backsliding. *fingers crossed* In 6 weeks I've lost 12.3(!) pounds so it's totally possible to reach and perhaps surpass my goal. We shall see.

Goal #2 - Couch to 5K

I RAN TODAY! Can you believe it? I mean, I really RAN. Well, maybe not what runners consider running but it was running to me. It was more than my usual slow jog, I was pushing it just to stay on the dreadmill. I still don't love it but it's getting a little easier.

Goal #3 - Build More Muscles

The trainer I've been wanting to talk to has been on vacation so that will have to wait another week. I did have two good weight sessions this week though. Today I pushed up my weight and really worked my arms hard. They are sore but it's a good sore. I'm not sure if it's just my imagination but I think I see a little bit of definition in my arms. Wow ... muscles and bones? Not only do I have visible collar bones again if I turn my shoulder at the right angle, I can almost feel my hip bones under the layers of fat. Oh, how I've missed them, I can't wait 'til they really come out of hiding.

I'm hoping to keep this momentum going. I haven't felt this good in ages. Thanks for sticking with me through years of struggle and despair and being here to cheer me on now. Your support means the world to me and I am grateful to each and every one of you for helping me get to where I am today.

I've been spending more and more time unplugged and have 500+ unread posts in my reader to get through so I'm going to see what's been going on with you.

Keep it HOT!

Hot 100 - Week 5 Late Update

2010-10-31T21:46:00.003-04:00

These weeks are flying by. I can't believe I didn't have time to post my Hot 100 update on Friday. I met a friend in Boston for lunch and by the time I got home I had to pack for the weekend.

Well, better late than never, right? Here's how I did last week:

Goal #1 - Lose An Additional 15 Pounds by December 31st

Challenge Starting Weight (9/23/10): 194.2 lbs.
Week 1: -1.3 lbs.
Week 2: -0.9 lbs.
Week 3: -2.4 lbs.
Week 4: -4.0 lbs.
Week 5: -1.1 lbs.

I can't believe I've had 5 weeks of losses. I'm a little afraid to get on the scale tomorrow after indulging on cheese, crackers and all sorts of crap at a Halloween party Saturday night. At least I didn't give in to all the Halloween candy that kept calling me. I only had a handful of B's M&Ms tonight which has to be the least amount of candy I've consumed on Halloween EVER. I'm planning on an extra long, intense gym session tomorrow hoping to combat any weekend weight gain. Who wants to join me?

Goal #2 - Couch to 5K

Still struggling to get past week one.

Goal #3 - Build More Muscles

I never got a chance to meet with the trainer last week. This week for sure.

Remember, those FUN SIZE candies aren't so much fun when they settle on your ass.

I hope you're all keeping it HOT! Have a great week!

Hot 100 - Week 4

2010-10-22T08:24:00.004-04:00

Hey Hotties - Can you believe it's Week 4 already? Where does the time go?

Here's my Hot 100 update:

Goal #1 - Lose An Additional 15 Pounds by December 31st

Challenge Starting Weight (9/23/10): 194.2 lbs.
Week 1: -1.3 lbs.
Week 2: -0.9 lbs.
Week 3: -2.4 lbs.
Week 4: -4.0 lbs.

Holy Smokes! FOUR POUNDS! I wish I could see those kind of numbers every week. As you saw in my last post, I feel like I've hit the sweet spot so I'm going to do my best to stay in it.

Goal #2 - Couch to 5K

I made a bit of progress with the C25K by just getting on the dreadmill but still haven't pushed myself past week one.

Goal #3 - Build More Muscles

I hit the weights twice this week and will be scheduling an appointment with a personal trainer next week. I'm not sure I can afford to splurge on personal training sessions but maybe one or two would give me a little push to do more in the weight room.

I got another confidence boost yesterday when the owner of the gym complimented me. She stopped me in the hall and told me that she was impressed with my dedication and wanted to know how much weight I've lost so far. She said that it's been her experience that if you exercise consistently for at least six months you have a good chance of doing it for the rest of your life. I hope she's right. I don't want to lose this feeling ever again.

I hope you all had a great week. I haven't made it to as many of the Hot 100 blogs as I wanted to but I'm working my way down the list.

Have a great weekend and remember to keep it HOT!

Sweet Spot

2010-10-20T14:56:00.008-04:00

I don't want to jinx myself or scare my mojo away but I have to tell you I've been feeling like I've hit the healthy lifestyle sweet spot. I'm in such a groove lately I wish I could bottle it up and store it away for when I really need it.

I haven't been getting too hung up on the numbers on the scale since they've been going in the right direction, I'm not stuffing my face with sugar and crap, I'm working out regularly and I'm feeling things I haven't felt in years (hello collarbones!).

I had an amazing workout today. In addition to making the elliptical machine my bitch for 70 minutes I also jogged a mile on the dreadmill. I was a sweaty mess and it felt great. I was already high on endorphins when a complete stranger stopped me in the hall and said "I just have to ask, how do you stay on the elliptical for so long. It's impressive. I can barely stay on for 10 minutes. " I told him I could barely stay on it for 10 minutes less than a year ago but I've worked up my stamina, increased intensity, and just get into a zone now. The first 10-15 minutes are the hardest but once I get going it seems to get easier and easier. Of course, not lugging an extra 50+ pounds of fat around helps too.

Let me know if you have any ideas on how to bottle this stuff up. We could get thin and rich.

Hot 100 - Week 3

2010-10-15T09:20:00.005-04:00

The weather is getting colder and colder here in the northeast but my drive to lose weight is getting hotter and hotter. I almost feel "normal" in my skin even though I'm barely out of the obese category on the BMI charts.

It's been a challenge to stay on track this week because my sMother is visiting so there have been lots of restaurant meals and not enough time to get to the gym but I've been able to keep things under control. Although I didn't make any real progress on two of my Hot 100 goals, I lost an additional 2.4 pounds and broke into the 180s.

Here's my Hot 100 stats:

Goal #1 - Lose An Additional 15 Pounds by December 31st

Challenge Starting Weight (9/23/10): 194.2 lbs.
Week 1: -1.3 lbs.
Week 2: -0.9 lbs.
Week 3: -2.4 lbs.

Bye-bye 190s! I was so happy to see you and get into Onederland but I'm even happier to see you go.

Goal #2 - Couch to 5K

I haven't made a bit of progress with the C25K program this week since my time at the gym has been limited. I'm determined to get working on this next week when things get back to normal.

Goal #3 - Build More Muscles

I did a little better with the weight training than I did with the C25K. Even though I didn't get into the weight room at the gym I've been using some hand weights at home. I'm going to talk to the personal trainer at the gym next week to see how much it would be for a few sessions in the weight room. I know what to do but I'm thinking if I have someone there to keep me accountable and give me a little push the more likely I'll actually do it.

I've been having fun getting to meet more of my fellow Hot 100 challengers but I haven't made it to everyone yet.

Keep it HOT!

Hot 100 - Week 2

2010-10-08T07:58:00.004-04:00

Hello Hotties!

This is just going to be a short and sweet update for Week 2 of the Hot 100:

Goal #1 - Lose An Additional 15 Pounds by December 31st

Challenge Starting Weight (9/23/10): 194.2 lbs.
Week 1: -1.3 lbs.
Week 2: -0.9 lbs.

Every little tenth of a pound gets me that much closer to goal. Slow and steady seems to be working for me and I'm determined to keep it that way no matter how tempting it is to go to the extreme and lose it quickly. Been there, done that, gained it all back plus more. Although I didn't even lose a whole pound this week, by losing 0.9 pounds I hit the 50 pounds lost mark exactly. It's taken a really long time (a lifetime) to get to this point and I'm now HALFWAY to my ultimate goal.

Goal #2 - Couch to 5K
Goal #3 - Build More Muscles

Unfortunately, I've been slacking and haven't made any progress with the C25K or my weight training this week but I'm not giving up on it. I'm thinking of cutting back on my elliptical time and just concentrating on the dreadmill and the weight room. We'll see how it goes next week.

Gotta run. It's a long holiday weekend and I gotta get packing for my escape. I hope you all have a great weekend. Rock on!

Dance Party Winners

2010-10-07T14:14:00.008-04:00

If you were able to attend my Onederland dance, left a comment and live in the continental United States, YOU won a prize.

If I had a billion dollars I would love to say "you get a car, and you get a car, and you get a car" just like Oprah did but, unfortunately, I haven't hit the lottery YET so you'll have to settle for a small token of my appreciation. You guys are the BEST support system and I'm blessed to have you in my life.

I want to apologize to my friends that live outside the states and are not eligible to win but this unemployed girl can't afford the hefty price of postage to send you anything but my gratitude. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!

So, to all my fellow dancin' partners, send me your address at "mb photography vt [at] gmail [dot] com (you know, without the spaces and with a "@" and a ".") and I will send you a onederland party door prize.

WOW! My feet are killing me from all that dancin'. Thank you all for sticking with me over the years of struggling and being there to celebrate my crossover into Onederland. I had a blast.

The next party I have will be when I reach my goal sometime in 2011. I can't wait.

Hot 100 - Week 1

2010-10-01T07:45:00.009-04:00

Hello Hotties!

Have you joined South Beach Steve's Hot 100 challenge yet? It's not too late, you can be a hottie too. Steve has extended the deadline to join until the end of the day today so head over there and state your goals for the remaining days of 2010 and let's finish out the year on a strong note. I'm hoping the challenge will help me stay focused through the upcoming holiday trifecta of temptation.

So, here's how I did for Week 1:

1. Lose An Additional 15 Pounds by December 31st

Challenge Starting Weight (9/23/10): 194.2 lbs.
Week 1: -1.3 lbs.

I'll be in good shape if I can see these numbers every week. At least I'm off to a good start.

2. Couch to 5K

It may not seem like much to you runners out there but I'm excited I can even RUN for a full minute. I wish I didn't get so bored on the dreadmill but I'm determined to get through this program and be able to complete a 5K.

3. Build More Muscles

I must confess I've been slacking on the weight training. I didn't make it into the weight room at all this week but I'm going to force myself to go in there at least 3 days next week.

I think I'm off to a decent start. Next week may be a bit more of a challenge because my Smother is coming to visit. Oy...I'm stressed out just thinking about it. Her last visit was over a year and a half ago and it didn't end well. There's always so much drama stirred up when she visits but I'm going to try to not feed into any of it or feed myself to avoid dealing with the drama. It's going to be tough but I'll get through it.

I'm so happy to have met a few new bloggers through the Hot 100 and plan on making my way over to visit each and every one of my competition's site. It may take a while but I'll be visiting you and cheering you on to your goals.

It really has been one crazy week. There's construction going on in my house, walls being ripped out, old plaster and dust flying around, the electricity has been shut off for hours at a time, a window blew right out of the house and smashed on one of the construction worker's brand new truck due to the strong winds yesterday, I locked myself out of the house and had to break back in ... oh, the list goes on and on. If I was still working and stressed out I'd be ready for the funny farm by now.

I'm so ready for a relaxing uneventful weekend. I'm planning on taking lots of foliage pictures, hitting the apple orchard to stock up on some Honeycrisps, sitting around the bonfire and relaxing. That's all I have planned and I can't wait.

My Onederland dance is still going on but because of all the craziness this week I'm going to wait until next week to announce the door prize winners so if you haven't entered to win yet get over there and do it.

Have a great weekend Hotties. Keep on dancin'!

It's Party Time!

2010-09-24T15:18:00.008-04:00

Friday night and the lights are low
Looking out for a place to go
Where they play the right music
Getting in the swing
You come to look for a king ...

Eh, screw looking for a king, who needs a king when you're dancing in ONEDERLAND?

Happy Friday everyone! It's finally time to dust off those dancing shoes and get this Onederland party started!

Thank you all for coming. I'd like to welcome you to the Onederland Ballroom! We're here to celebrate my big milestone of finally breaking through into the 100s. I still have a long way to go to reach my weight loss goal but I'm almost at the 1/2 way point and soon will be merely overweight instead of obese. I'm not sure if I'll ever reach "normal" as far as those BMI charts go but I've always thought normal is overrated anyway.

As you know, I hit the onederland milestone on August 27th and have been dancing around it for a month now. My weight tends to bounce up and down a few pounds each week so I wanted to be firmly planted in onederland soil before I went ahead with the big onederland celebration. I did creep up over the line last Monday but weighed in at 193.6 today so I'm pretty confident any weight fluctuations will not cross the dreaded 200 line again.

So get out on the dance floor and get your groove on, boogie down, and rock it out. Help yourself to a cocktail and some of the delicious calorie-free food and then get out on the dance floor and do the happy onederland dance with me.

I'm not sure I would have been able to do it without all the support I've received from YOU. You have no idea how much I value each and every comment I get. I'd like to show my appreciation by giving away some door prizes:

Sportline pedometer to track those 10,000 steps a day we should all be getting
The Complete Beck Diet for Life book
A silver Green Bottle to remind you to drink your water
The Biggest Loser Weight Loss Yoga DVD
and a few other special surprise prizes

You don't need to link, tweet or FB anything, no hoops to jump through, just leave a comment and let me know your favorite dance song. If you want to add your best healthy living advice, you'll get a bonus entry. Your odds are winning are pretty good since I usually only have a handful of comments so be sure to let me know if you have a prize preference. I know lots of people take the weekend off from blogging so I'm going to keep the party going until next Friday when I'll pick the winners.

Since I'm out of work and funds are limited I can't be shelling out big bucks for postage so with apologies to my non-USA readers, prizes will only be shipped to addresses in the continental United States.

Thanks for coming to my Onederland Party! I'm not sure I would have made it here without all your support. I love each and every one of you for encouraging me and picking me up when I was down. It was a long and winding road but I finally made it out of the 200s and I'm so happy to be here in Onederland.

Now get out on the dance floor and DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY!

You can dance
You can jive
Having the time of your life
See that girl
Watch that scene
Diggin' the dancing queen

Feel the beat from the tambourine
You can dance
You can jive
Having the time of your life
See that girl
Watch that scene
Diggin' the dancing queens!

Happy Autumnal Equinox!

2010-09-22T23:13:00.003-04:00

I love the change of seasons, well, maybe not mud season, but Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter, I love them all and feel lucky to live in New England where I can enjoy the benefits of each one. I can't wait to see the mountains bursting with color in their full fall splendor. Bus loads of leaf peepers will be cruising the back roads of Vermont in just a couple of weeks but they'll all be gone by the time the snow flies. If you're in the neighborhood, get out and enjoy nature's show while it lasts. Just like 2010, it will be gone before you know it.

As of tomorrow there will only be 100 days left of 2010. Join me in the Hot 100 and let's finish out the year on a high note. The leaves are changing and so am I. Are you ready for a new season? Are you ready to see a change? I am.

End of Summer and the Hot 100 Challenge

2010-09-22T22:40:00.010-04:00

2010 is more than half over and as of tomorrow there will only be 100 days left to this year. It's true that the older you get the quicker the years seem to pass by. It's like living your life in slow motion when you're young and think you have all the time in the world to fulfill your dreams and then years and decades fly by and you're left wondering how you got here and if you still have enough time to make your dreams come true. As long as you're still breathing, you still have time.

Have you let those healthy new year resolutions slip through the cracks of daily life or are you well on your way to living the life of a healthy person? Have you figured out what works for you or are you still struggling to get through the day without poisoning yourself with junk food. Have you been moving your body, getting your heart rate up and working up a sweat? Have you reached your goals only to learn that maintenance really is the hardest part?

Are you prepared for the holiday season with all the food pushers and the feasts being offered up at every turn? The Halloween candy is stocked on the shelves, the Thanksgiving turkeys are getting fattened up and the Christmas feasts are being planned. Are you prepared to handle that? Are you up for the challenge?

I am!

Since I had so much fun doing Biz' 1o1 Days of Summer Challenge I've decided to join South Beach Steve's Hot 100. You can check out all the details on Log My Loss here.

My three goals for the Hot 100 Challenge are:

1. Lose An Additional 15 Pounds by December 31st

I know some of you and everyone on the Biggest Loser can drop that in a couple of weeks but if you haven't caught on by now, I'm a VERY SLOW loser. I'm just trying to be realistic here and set a goal I think is attainable. My goal for the 101 Days of Summer Challenge was to lose 20 pounds and I almost made it with a total loss of 17 so since the holidays have to be factored in to this equation I think 15 is a realistic goal. I don't want to fall victim to the pressure of losing "x" amount of weight in "x" amount of days but will strive to just keep losing at my slow and steady pace and attempt to reach that goal.

2. Couch to 5K

I'm not giving up on this even though my bad knee isn't always happy about it. I really WANT to be a runner but I'm not sure my body is willing to take the abuse. I may be the last person to cross that 5K finish line but I'm going to do it.

3. Build More Muscles

I must confess I struggle to get in the weight room more than a couple of times a week and even when I do I'm just pushing through it, going through the motions and doing the bare minimum so I can say I did it but I don't love it. I need to get my head in the weight room, slow down and try to enjoy it instead of just getting it over with.

What can you accomplish in the next 100 days? Join the Hot 100 Challenge and set some goals to finish out 2010 strong. Don't you want to feel good about making progress when the new year rolls around?

There's a gorgeous full Harvest Moon out there tonight even though I'm sweating like it's still the middle of July I know these hot days are numbered. Here in the northern hemisphere the Summer of 2010 will officially be over at 11:09 p.m. EDT (0309 GMT Sept. 23). Fall in New England can be magical when spectacular bursts of the most amazing colors get splashed over the mountains and the giddiness I feel knowing that a blanket of fresh white snow will soon follow.

Where will you be at the end of 2010? Closer or farther away from your goals? Don't waste another second of your life wishing you could get healthy, just wishing your life away. Make the choice right now, not Monday, not after the holidays, RIGHT NOW!

Losing Streak Ends

2010-09-17T16:20:00.006-04:00

I knew it was bound to happen eventually because all streaks must come to an end. I've showed a loss or maintained for the last seven weigh ins but today's showed a 0.4 pound gain from last week. I can't say I'm surprised. It was a really stressful week with the local primary election on Tuesday so I missed a few workouts and have been eating out more than usual so I'm glad it was only a 0.4 pound gain.

I've been able to stay in onederland but just barely which is why I haven't sent out invitations to the big onederland dance yet. I want to make sure I'm firmly planted in onederland soil before I go and make a big deal out of it. I've been hovering around that 200 pound line too long and it's stressing me out. I have to get as far away from that line as possible so I'm going to kick it up a notch so I don't have to worry about leaving onederland ever again. I like it here and don't ever want to leave.

I don't plan on doing anything too crazy or different, just increasing the intensity of my workouts and keeping my snacks and treats to a minimum so I can plant my roots in this fertile onederland soil. It's so much better here than on the other side of that line, I never want to leave it again.

It's fall here in the northeast so I'm looking forward to getting out and enjoying the crisp fall air and maybe taking some foliage photos. I hope you all have a great weekend. Anything exciting going on in your neck of the woods?

Biggest Loser Inspiring a Nation

2010-09-13T19:31:00.011-04:00

I've already told you about my love/hate relationship with The Biggest Loser but I have to admit I'm really excited about the upcoming 10th season. I was there when it all started for the black team.* I'll never forget the day Jillian kicked my ass and I burned my pearly white skin to a crisp. My thighs recovered quicker than the sunburn. I have the film footage to prove I did those 500 steps right along with Brendan and Fredo.

I'm sure the guys on the black team and every one of those contestants lost at least 100 pounds in the same time it took me to lose a mere 20 but I'm ok with that. I've lost weight quickly many times over the years but was never able to keep it off. This time I'm all about slow and steady weight loss. I didn't have to weigh in in front of the nation in a bra or have Jillian break me down and make me cry. I'm an ugly crier and I'm sure she would have had me sobbing every single day.

*if you pause the video at 00:59 you can see me in the top right corner on the edge of the frame in a pink tank top.

Would you ever want to be on a reality show? Do you get inspired by the Biggest Loser? I'm very happy to say I no longer qualify to be on the show since you have to be at least 100 pounds overweight. Maybe by the time season 11 rolls around I'll be at my goal. Unlike the Biggest Loser, I'm rockin' slow and steady ...

Moment of Silence

2010-09-11T08:46:00.002-04:00

As long as we live, we will never forget what happened nine years ago today.

Peace out.

101 Days of Summer Challenge Finale

2010-09-06T08:47:00.006-04:00

Happy Labor Day! It seems like Memorial Day was just yesterday when I joined Biz' 101 Days of Summer Challenge with this post and now it's over. Where did the summer go? There's a chill in the air, the leaves are starting to turn colors and before we know it the snow will be flying (I can't wait).

Let's see how much progress I made during the 101 Days of Summer Challenge:

1. Lose 20 Pounds by Labor Day

Challenge Starting Weight on Memorial Day: 215
Week 1: 212.3 (-2.7)
Week 2: 211.6 (-0.7)
Week 3: 211.6 (-0.0)
Week 4: 207.9 (-3.7)
Week 5: 207.9 (-0.0)
Week 6: 209.2 (+1.3)
Week 7: 207.2 (-2.0)
Week 8: 206.4 (-0.8)
Week 9: 207.0 (+0.6)
Week 10: 206.1 (-0.9)
Week 11: 202.2 (-3.9)
Week 12: 201.3 (-0.9)
Week 13: 200.2 (-1.1)
Week 14: 198.9 (-1.3)

Week 15: 198.0 (-0.9)

Total Loss: 17 POUNDS

WOW! 17 pounds gone in 15 weeks - WOOHOO! That's a little over a pound a week which is about right for me these days. I refuse to sprint to the finish line because that never worked for me before. This time I'm all about slow and steady and it's working so I'm not going to mess with it. It will definitely take me longer than most to reach my ultimate goal but I'm determined to keep it off this time and if doing it at a snail's pace is what it takes, that's what I'm going to do.

I thought I was being a bit ambitious with my goal of 20 pounds in 101 days but I came really close to meeting it. Even though I didn't quite make the goal I broke through the 100s and I'm only 3 pounds away from it so I'm calling this one a success.

2. Hit the gym HARD

Success! I'm finally getting my money's worth out of a gym membership. The staff at the gym know my name and will say "see you tomorrow" when I leave. I've developed a very close personal relationship with the elliptical and we're best buddies now even if it tries to kick my a$$ every single day. I'm tough now, I can take it.

3. C25K program

I never really made it past the first week of the program but have been doing more running on the treadmill than ever before. I'm not ready to run a 5K yet but I'm still working on it.

4. Lift Weights at Least 2x Per Week

I'm starting to see muscles pop in my arms and that is giving me more incentive to keep hitting the weights. I've been making an effort to pump the iron before my cardio so I don't give myself an excuse to skip it after sweating out 60-70 minutes on the elliptical.

5. Get Movin' on the Weekends Away

I have to admit that being away at camp makes me want to sit by the campfire or just relax with a good book but I've been making more of an effort to go for a walk, take a hike, or take my bike for a spin. Now that the cooler weather is here it will be easier to get out there and not feel like I'm trying to swim through all the humidity.

6. Limit Nighttime Snacking

This was really hard. I've been better with my snack choices and limiting the amount of food I eat after dinner but I'd like to get to a point where I don't HAVE TO HAVE something sweet after dinner especially when I'm not really hungry, I just want sweet.

Overall I think I did pretty well with the challenge. I can't wait to see how much more progress I can make in the next 101 days. That should bring us right around Christmas. If I can lose at least another 17 pounds by then I'll be merely OVERWEIGHT and can leave OBESITY behind for good.

September always feels like the start of a new year to me and since it's the last month before the eating holidays begin (Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year), I'm going to kick it into high gear and continue to work even harder on these same goals.

Thanks to Biz and all the other challengers who made this challenge so much fun.

How did you do? Did you meet your goals? What's the plan for the next 101 days?

Happy Labor Day everyone! Rock on!

The Pity Party is Over

2010-09-02T08:53:00.002-04:00

If you read my last post you know I had a bit of a meltdown yesterday after seeing pictures of myself taken over the weekend. I can't believe how quickly I could go from feeling excited and proud of myself for breaking through to the 100s to being frustrated, disgusted and depressed by the sight of my image caught on film.

I need to focus on how far I've come, not how far I still have to go. I'm working out, I'm feeling stronger, I'm eating better, I'm not stress eating, I'm not eating to stuff my emotions down, I'm not binging and I'm finally losing weight.

I think I should take some progress photos and try to get over my photo phobia or at least be able to look at the pictures and see how far I've come and stop focusing on how far I still have to go.

It's time for me to snap out of it and move on. I'm heading to the gym now to work up a sweat and try to get myself firmly planted in onederland soil.

Thanks for picking me up while I was down. You guys are the BEST! This pity party is officially over. It's time to rock on!

Say Cheese ;)

2010-09-01T10:33:00.001-04:00

Have you ever looked at a photo and asked "who is that girl?" only to realize it's you? I always hated having my picture taken and as the pounds piled on I dreaded it even more and would groan and run if someone dared to point a camera in my direction. I'm a photographer so I'm usually the one behind the lens but on those rare occasions when I'm forced to stand and say "cheese" all I can think about is how fat I'm going to look in these pictures (and how much I love cheese).

I don't know why I'm always shocked when I see pictures of myself. I look in the mirror at home and at the gym and I've been feeling better about the image being reflected back at me but as soon as I see a picture I think "oh, I have that same top as that girl," or "that can't possibly be me, can it?" Half the time I don't even recognize myself. Are all the mirrors in my house fun house mirrors that make me look thinner than I am? Does the camera add 50 pounds to everyone or is it just me?

I've lost over 40 pounds so far, fitting into clothes I haven't been able to squeeze into in years and I've been feeling good about the progress I've made until I saw myself in some pictures from the weekend and now I just want to cry. I've come so far but still have a very long way to go before I'm able to look at myself in a picture and not cringe. I can't imagine how I would have felt had I not lost those 40 pounds but I'm certainly not happy where I am right now.

I've still got a long way to go. I guess it's time to get my ass to the gym and start working off the next 40+ pounds. I wonder if I'll recognize myself in pictures when I get to my goal or will I still be asking "who is that girl?"

The End of the End of Summer Challenge

2010-08-31T13:05:00.005-04:00

Can you believe it's August 31st already? Where did the summer go? It seems like just yesterday we started this challenge and now it's over. I can't wait for the leaves to start changing colors and the cooler temperatures to kick in so I can shut the air conditioners off. I love this time of year and look forward to the change in seasons because it means the snow will start falling again soon. Ok, sorry, I know most of you don't want to even think about winter but I can't wait to get back on my snowmobile. Yes, it's over 90 degrees here in the northeast and I'm dreaming of snow.

So today is the final day of Tammy's Waisting Away in the Heat - End of Summer Challenge. I had my fingers crossed that I would be able to report a record breaking 10 pound loss for the month but it didn't happen. As usual, my weight is up a little bit from Friday and slightly over that 200 pound milestone again which is why the happy onederland dance post has been rescheduled once again. I knew this would happen because my weight has never been a steady downward trend but rather a roller coaster ride with a slight downward lean but I'm heading in the right direction so it's all good. Don't put away those dancing shoes just yet because I'm planning to get it together for this weekend. I'm getting too old to party on a school night anyway.

Here's my stats for the End of Summer Challenge:

August 1st: 207.2
August 6th: 202.2
August 13th: 201.3
August 20th: 200.2
August 27th: 198.9
August 31st: 200.2
Total Loss: 7.0 lbs.

Seven pounds in a month is a decent rate of loss for me, remember I'm a very quick gainer but a very slow loser. Congratulations to all my competitors who inspired me to keep my eye on the prize and motivated me to keep fighting the good fight. I also want to thank Tammy for hosting the challenge even though she had so much going on in her life between work, finding a new gym, spraining her ankle, etc., etc. I hope those dark clouds that have been following her around get pushed out to sea by the strong winds coming up the east coast.

Let's see if I can lose another 7 pounds in September and get farther and farther away from the the dreaded 200s. I'm ready to dance. Are you?

Congratulations to our challenge winner. Rock on!

Lawfully Wedded Wives

2010-08-28T23:09:00.001-04:00

... and they lived happily ever after!

Dancin' Shoes and Challenges Update

2010-08-27T15:21:00.004-04:00

I've got my dancin' shoes on and I'm ready to boogie down. I'm so excited to finally break through into the 100s.

As the summer days are winding down we're in the home stretch of these challenges.

101 Days of Summer Challenge and Summer Challenge 2010:

Primary Goal: Lose 20 pounds

Challenge Starting Weight: 215
Week 1: 212.3 (-2.7)
Week 2: 211.6 (-0.7)
Week 3: 211.6 (-0.0)
Week 4: 207.9 (-3.7)
Week 5: 207.9 (-0.0)
Week 6: 209.2 (+1.3)
Week 7: 207.2 (-2.0)
Week 8: 206.4 (-0.8)
Week 9: 207.0 (+0.6)
Week 10: 206.1 (-0.9)
Week 11: 202.2 (-3.9)
Week 12: 201.3 (-0.9)
Week 13: 200.2 (-1.1)
Week 14: 198.9 (-1.3)

I'm down 16.1 pounds since the start of these challenges and very close to reaching my primary challenge goal of losing 20 pounds. I need to check when the official end to these challenges are and see if I can step it up a notch to reach that 20 pound loss mark. Even if I don't hit that number, I'm happy with my progress.

I missed a couple of days at the gym this week because I've been without wheels since B needed to use my truck to go to work since his little bug got totalled. I live close enough to walk to the gym but we've had some crazy weather (torrential rain and high winds) and I used that as an excuse not to go out of the house on Monday. I did check out a new gym with a friend on Tuesday and got a Super Tuesday 100 minute cardio session in to make up for lazing around on Monday. I actually took a bus and a train in the pouring rain to get to the gym on Wednesday. How's that for dedication and determination?

I've been slacking on the weights and C25K training but I'm giving myself an A+ in the healthy eating, HFCS avoidance and water guzzling.

Waisting Away in the Heat - End of Summer Challenge

August 1st: 207.2
August 6th: 202.2
August 13th: 201.3
August 20th: 200.2
August 27th: 198.9
Total Loss: 8.3 lbs.

This challenge ends on Tuesday, August 31st so I'll be doing another weigh in then. Hopefully I can stay under the 200 pound mark 'til then.

So, how's my competition doing? Making progress, I hope.

I'm crazy busy this weekend with my sister's wedding so the Onederland dance and door prizes post will have to wait another day or two. We've waited this long, another couple of days won't matter too much.

I hope you all have a great weekend!

Rock on, Challengers.

Knock Knock ....

2010-08-27T10:13:00.003-04:00

"Knock, Knock"
"Who's there?"
"Alice"
"Alice Who?"
"ALICE IN ONEDERLAND!!!"

Yes, that's right, you can call me "ALICE" because I finally made it to Onederland!!!!!!

It's time to dust off those dancin' shoes I've been tripping over for weeks (months, years, decades).

I'll be back with all the details and challenge update after I hit the gym and get my gear together for my sister's rehearsal dinner tonight and wedding tomorrow.

I hope you'll be able make it to the dance to celebrate this BIG milestone with me. Come on, dancin' is the best way to have fun and burn calories at the same time. Oh, and there will be some door prizes too.

See you at the dance.

Love,
Alice (a/k/a MB)

Sweet Corn and Maple Peanut Butter

2010-08-23T09:34:00.009-04:00

What a great weekend! Good friends, good food and lots of fun.

We went to the Great Vermont Maze in Danville, Vermont for our annual hike through the corn. We figured it out in just under an hour which was a record breaking time for us.

This year they were celebrating 100 years of the Long Trail which is my favorite trail to hike in Vermont, especially the section along the ridge of Mt. Mansfield where the views are spectacular. We're planning a hike out to the highest peak (the chin) sometime in the fall so we can check out the foliage with the rest of the leaf peepers.

Not only did I have a blast running through the corn and figuring out the maze but I got to stock up on the most amazing maple peanut butter. The Curtis Vance Memorial Orchard always has a farm stand at the entrance to the maze where you can sample their jellies, jams, dilly beans, zany zucchini, maple peanut butter and other freshly made goodies.

I look forward to getting this maple peanut butter every year and every year they tell me they will ship it anywhere but that could be dangerous for me. I did make a point to buy it before we got lost in the maze because they sold out of it last year by the time we got out. I was so disappointed I didn't get my fix last year so I made up for it this year. We got three (small) jars and two of them have already disappeared. Damn, I'm not even a huge peanut butter fan but this stuff is amazing. I spent way too much money on peanut butter, blueberry jam, apple butter and salsa but not only is it all delicious, it was for a good cause.

The Vance family has a dream. Their dream is to find a cure for ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease) and to help others celebrate life and to remember their loved ones - by visiting the orchard, basking in the scenic views and getting lost in solitude, while being surrounded by "the fruits of life." Many members of the Vance family have suffered with this disease and I couldn't help but think of my dear friend Lisa who lost her battle with ALS last December after suffering for over 6+ years so this fund raiser is close to my heart.

If you live in the area or plan to be in Vermont in the next month or two you should definitely take a trip and get lost in the Great Vermont Corn Maze. Don't forget to stock up on peanut butter. MMMmmmmm.....

After working up our appetites in the maze we stopped at Marty's 1st Stop for steaks that we cooked on the open fire along with sweet fresh picked corn and potatoes. This piece looked a little funky with another cob growing out of it but it tasted just as sweet as the normal looking ears.

Now who wants to try some maple peanut butter?

Quick Challenges Update

2010-08-20T12:39:00.007-04:00

I am knocking on Onederland's door. The lights are on but nobody will answer the damn door. I am so close to crossing into the 100s it's making me a little crazy. It's just a number, just a measly .3 pounds to go but it seems significant in some way because it's been so long since I've been there. It will happen next week for sure so don't put away your dancing shoes just yet.

Here's my challenges check in:

101 Days of Summer Challenge and Summer Challenge 2010:

Primary Goal: Lose 20 pounds

Challenge Starting Weight: 215
Week 1: 212.3 (-2.7)
Week 2: 211.6 (-0.7)
Week 3: 211.6 (-0.0)
Week 4: 207.9 (-3.7)
Week 5: 207.9 (-0.0)
Week 6: 209.2 (+1.3)
Week 7: 207.2 (-2.0)
Week 8: 206.4 (-0.8)
Week 9: 207.0 (+0.6)
Week 10: 206.1 (-0.9)
Week 11: 202.2 (-3.9)
Week 12: 201.3 (-0.9)
Week 13: 200.2 (-1.1)

I'm happy with a 1.1 pound loss but it would have been even better if it were 1.4 pounds. Oh well. It's just a number, right?

I still need to get more time in the weight room and on the treadmill for the C25K program I've been slacking on but I just haven't been into it. This cardio queen needs to mix things up a bit. Next week I'm going to get on the dreadmill and go to the weight room before I hit the elliptical so there won't be any excuses.

I've been drinking nothing but water and eating lots of fresh fruits and veggies. I did indulge in way too many tortilla chips with the most amazing baja salsa that I won from Biz but it was totally worth it. This salsa tastes nothing like any store bought or restaurant salsa. It has the most amazing rich, smokey flavor and just enough heat although I could have handled a bit more. I didn't even need the milk I had waiting, just in case. It is YUMMY!!! (Thanks again Biz - I LOVE IT). I also had some too ripe bananas hanging around so I made some banana bread the other night and may have had one too many pieces but it's gone now and time to move on. I didn't make the healthiest choices this week but I wasn't in binge mode either so it's all good.

Waisting Away in the Heat - End of Summer Challenge

August 1st: 207.2
August 6th: 202.2
August 13th: 201.3
August 20th: 200.2
Total Loss: 7.0 lbs.

How's my competition doing? Making progress I hope.

I'm sorry to keep postponing the dance but I'm determined to get it rescheduled for sometime next week. I'm off to the mountains this weekend so I have to get packed and ready to go.

HAPPY FRIDAY! I hope you all have a great weekend. Try not to do anything you'll regret come Monday morning. ;)

Rock on, Challengers.

Three Years Ago Today ...

2010-08-16T17:34:00.012-04:00

Three years ago today I started this blog hoping it would help me work through my issues with food. I needed to figure out why I stuffed myself until I felt sick and then ate some more while simultaneously thinking about how I needed to lose weight. I wanted to document my final journey down the scale because this was it. I wasn't messing around anymore. I was determined to do it right this time. I was sick and tired of stuffing food down my throat to prevent my emotions from bubbling up and out. I was sick and tired of the reflection I saw in the mirror, I was sick and tired of not fitting into any of my clothes. I was sick and tired of my boyfriend asking me when I was going to get on a serious program. I was sick and tired of it all.

Back then I was inspired watching PastaQueen and DietGirl transform themselves right before my eyes and I wanted to be just like them. I didn't expect a book deal but I desperately wanted those "after" pictures showing how I finally made it. I didn't even have as much to lose as they had but I couldn't seem to find that switch I needed to flick to make any lasting progress.

This was the place that was going to encourage and inspire me to lose the weight I'd been able to lose before but always managed to gain back. I had recently turned 40 and didn't want to waste another decade of my life being fat. I didn't have the nerve to record my weight at the time but I know I had gotten to a new high of 220 pounds.

I was stressed out and miserable at work and couldn't find any strength to make lasting changes. I was too tired to get up early and workout. After being abused all day at work I didn't have the energy to go to the gym, I just wanted to go home and unwind. I binged on bag after bag of chocolate covered pretzels regularly. I would get 3 or 4 bite size chocolates almost every day after lunch to give me strength to get through the afternoon, along with all the coffee and tea. I gave into the temptation of the free pastries, bagels, cookies and other crap that was regularly in the office and then indulged on the weekend because, dammit, I deserved it after the stressful week I had.

Unfortunately just starting this blog didn't make weight loss magic happen. I continued down the same path I had been on for years. I'd lose 2 or 3 pounds and then gain 5 back, get depressed, get stressed and eat more junk. It was a vicious cycle. Two years later I was still blogging but I hadn't made any progress in losing weight.

In January 2008 I worked up the nerve to divulge my weight, an even higher all time high of 226 pounds. I was so miserable and stressed out at my job and couldn't stop myself from binging and eating way more than any human needs to eat. By the time I got laid off in November 2009, I had binged and lazed my way all the way up to 242 pounds.

Losing my job after 11+ years was scary and depressing but it was the best thing that could have happened. It wasn't until I got laid off in November 2009 that I really started losing weight. I had time to go to the gym, go food shopping and cook healthy dinners regularly. I was waking up happy instead of sick to my stomach about having to go into the hell hole where I worked and getting abused every single day. I started to remember who I used to be before getting beat down by stress. I felt like I got my life back.

As of last Friday I've lost just over 40 pounds and I'm on the threshold of breaking through to the 100s any day now. That works out to an average of 13 1/2 pounds A YEAR which sounds a bit pathetic since I had anticipated being able to lose all the weight I needed to lose in one year, maybe a year and a half tops. Hell, I lost 60+ pounds at least twice before and each time it didn't take longer than six months. Why is it taking so long this time?

I feel like a completely different person than the one that started this blog. I feel blessed to have had this time off to get myself together and I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to continue to keep up the pace when I have to go back to the daily grind. Will I be able to continue what I've been doing when I have to fit 40 hours of work into the equation? Will I be able to deal with the stress without using food to help me cope? I certainly hope so.

For now I'm just going to continue the Tippy Toe weight loss plan as I've been doing the last nine months or so. It's not sensational drastic Biggest Loser-type weight loss but it's working so I'm not messing with it. Maybe I needed to lose it slowly so I can learn how to keep it off permanently.

Three years later I'm not at my goal but I'm making progress and still fighting the good fight. I'll get to that ultimate goal someday and I hope you're all here to go to the big dance with me. In the meantime, there will be a small onederland dance very soon to tide you over 'til the big one. I was hoping it would happen today but I had some delicious fresh homemade salsa from Biz to test out and tortilla chips were the easiest and fastest way to polish off a jar.

I absolutely love and adore all the friends I've made here, the support I get when I'm down, the encouragement to keep trying, the advice on how to do it healthily, and especially the ass kickin' you've given me when I needed it these past three years. I truly appreciate each and every comment you've taken the time to write. It's nice to know I'm not in this alone in this battle.

Some of you have already come back from the front lines and have gone back into civilian fat-free life and some of you, like me, are still fighting the war one battle at a time. No matter where you are on this journey I think it's time we realized that we can't change the past and just need to learn from our mistakes and move on. I'm hoping to get to my goal by my 4th Blogiversary. Wish me luck.

Thank you for being a big part of my journey. You are the BEST!

Challenges Check In

2010-08-13T15:00:00.004-04:00

No need to break out the dancin' shoes just yet. I'm a tiny bit closer to breaking through to the 100s but I'm not there yet. It may be a good thing we're not heading up north this weekend so I should be able to keep my eating in control and maybe get an extra workout at the gym. Let's see if I can hit that Onederland goal for my 3rd year blogiversary next Tuesday.

So here's the details on my progress this week.

Waisting Away in the Heat - End of Summer Challenge:

August 1st: 207.2
August 6th: 202.2
August 13th: 201.3
Total Loss: 5.9 lbs.

I spent most of the week working off the weekend weight gain but was still able to show a slight loss for the week. Only 1.4 measly little pounds to shed to get out of the 200s. I can't wait. I'll be doing that happy dance next week for sure.

101 Days of Summer Challenge and the Summer Challenge 2010:

I'm still having some technical difficulties with my computer so I don't have a scale picture to show but here's the results for the week.

Goal: Lose 20 pounds

Challenge Starting Weight: 215
Week 1: 212.3 (-2.7)
Week 2: 211.6 (-0.7)
Week 3: 211.6 (-0.0)
Week 4: 207.9 (-3.7)
Week 5: 207.9 (-0.0)
Week 6: 209.2 (+1.3)
Week 7: 207.2 (-2.0)
Week 8: 206.4 (-0.8)
Week 9: 207.0 (+0.6)
Week 10: 206.1 (-0.9)
Week 11: 202.2 (-3.9)
Week 12: 201.3 (-0.9)

Not even a pound lost but those little tenths of pounds eventually add up to a big loss so I'm ok with it. I'm not going to win any prizes for shedding the weight fast but I'm down over 40 pounds and that's nothing to sneeze at, right?

I've been chugging the water, getting lots of fresh fruit and veggies and staying away from the processed stuff as much as possible. This is so much easier to do in the summer when all the farmers markets are open. I haven't done a Super Tuesday workout yet this month but I still have a couple weeks to get it in. Again, I only threw the weights around once this week but I'm still recovering from the accident so I'm letting my body tell me how far to push it. It only took me 40+ years to start listening to this ol' body of mine it's a wonder I even recognize that voice. I'm hoping to be able to push harder next week and really start throwing my weight around. How did you do this week? I can't wait to read about the progress you've all made.

Be sure to bring your dancin' shoes next week. I want you all here to do the happy dance in Onederland with me.

HAPPY FRIDAY!

Rock on, Challengers.

All My Challenges ...

2010-08-06T16:34:00.002-04:00

Finally, I have a timely update for the three challenges I'm in, so here's a quick recap.

Waisting Away in the Heat - End of Summer Challenge:

August 1st: 207.2
August 6th: 202.2
Total Loss: 5 POUNDS!

It seems like a lot for one week but it's a little misleading as my weight is always high on Sunday/Monday after indulging on the weekends. I lost 3.9 pounds from last Thursday 'til today which seems more accurate. I'm excited about being so close to breaking through to the 100s.

101 Days of Summer Challenge and the Summer Challenge 2010:

I've been having some technical difficulties with my computer for the past couple of days so I don't have a scale picture to show but here's the results for the week.

Goal: Lose 20 pounds

Challenge Starting Weight: 215
Week 1: 212.3 (-2.7)
Week 2: 211.6 (-0.7)
Week 3: 211.6 (-0.0)
Week 4: 207.9 (-3.7)
Week 5: 207.9 (-0.0)
Week 6: 209.2 (+1.3)
Week 7: 207.2 (-2.0)
Week 8: 206.4 (-0.8)
Week 9: 207.0 (+0.6)
Week 10: 206.1 (-0.9)
Week 11: 202.2 (-3.9)

I do realize the 101 Days challenge is in week 10 and Summer Challenge 2010 is in week 11 but I'm just keeping things consistent since they started around the same time, just go with the flow and don't pay attention to my crazy new math, k?

I was able to work up my intensity at the gym this week after being sidelined last week from the car accident. I'm still a little sore so I'm not going to push it too much. I'm hoping to get in a Super Tuesday workout next week if I'm feeling up to it but I'm trying to listen to what my body tells me so I don't hurt myself by pushing too hard too soon. As far as the rest of my challenge goals go, I'm making steady progress. I only hit the weights once this week but considering my weakened state I think I did ok.

It looks like the onederland party dance will have to wait until next week *please, please, please, knock wood, fingers crossed*. I know it's only a number but I'm SO CLOSE I just want to break past it and move on to my ultimate goal.

I'm rushing to pack for Vermont so I'm going to leave it at that. We're supposed to be going on an ATV ride up Mt. Washington this weekend so I have to get a move on. Sorry I didn't link to the challenges but you can click the banner on the sidebar to go directly to the host of the challenges blog. I'm running out of free space with blogger so I'm not going to add the banners to each post anymore. I've been thinking of starting a fresh new blog, maybe at WordPress, but I can't deal with that right now so we'll just wait and see what happens. I'll keep you posted. If I make a move you'll be the first to know.

I hope you all had a great week and can get out and enjoy the two days of freedom if you've been toiling away at the daily grind. Only a few weeks left 'til the unofficial end of summer so get out and enjoy the weekend!

HAPPY FRIDAY!

Rock on, Challengers.

A New Challenge and Another Late Update

2010-08-04T17:35:00.006-04:00

I've been having a hard time updating for the two challenges I'm already doing (Biz's 101 Days of Summer Challenge and the Summer Challenge 2010) but I'm joining Tammy's Waisting Away in the Heat End of Summer Challenge anyway. Basically it's a challenge for the month of August to see how many pounds you can lose from August 1st to August 31st. You can check out this post for all the details.

My starting weight on August 1, 2010 was 207.2.

That's quite a roller coaster ride, huh? I'm usually at my lowest on Thursday or Friday and my highest on Monday. I'm still working on controlling my snacks and making good choices on the weekends. It's so hard to eat right and be social. Summertime is all about getting out with friends and family and having fun so I'm just going with the flow and doing the best I can.

I'm planning on breaking through to onederland during this challenge so stay tuned. Who knows, maybe I'll be there by the time I hit my 3rd blogiversary (August 16th) *fingers crossed*. I can't believe it's been almost three years and I just started seeing progress in the last 8 months. I guess I know what stress does to my body and soul.

I haven't seen the 100s in over 6+ years and even then it was only for 5 minutes. I'm going to lose my mind if anyone else derails my plans by dropping their cigarette, !#$%^&*!#$%! You can read my previous post if you don't know what I'm talking about. I'm trying not to think about it too much because it freaks me out. I keep seeing it happen and thinking how much worse it could have been and how lucky we were. I just got word today today that the VW love bug is a total loss ;(. Now I get to fight with the insurance company to get a fair price for it. UGH! That's never fun.

I'm still working on catching up with all my unread posts but you guys keep writing such good stuff. I'm glad I didn't "mark all as read" or I would have missed so much. Most exciting was Mary and Kepa's engagement story. Check it out and congratulate them if you haven't already. I'm so happy for them. They are so adorable together, don't you think?

Here's my late update for the 101 Days of Summer Challenge and the Summer Challenge 2010.

Goal No. 1: Lose 20 pounds

Challenge Starting Weight: 215
Week 1: 212.3 (-2.7)
Week 2: 211.6 (-0.7)
Week 3: 211.6 (-0.0)
Week 4: 207.9 (-3.7)
Week 5: 207.9 (-0.0)
Week 6: 209.2 (+1.3)
Week 7: 207.2 (-2.0)
Week 8: 206.4 (-0.8)
Week 9: 207.0 (+0.6)
Week 10: 206.1 (-0.9)

I didn't get a chance to weigh in on Friday or take any pictures so I'm using what the scale said last Thursday. As you can see from the picture above, it was back up to 207.2 by Sunday but it's already come down from there so I'm still crawling my way out of obesity. I can't wait 'til my Wii stops saying "that's OBESE" every single time I weigh in. I know, I know, I'm working on it. Sheesh. Is there a way to shut that thing up?

Because of an interview and the crash I only got to the gym once last week (the day of the accident) but I've been back the past three days and slowly working my way up to speed. I even did a light round of the weight circuit today (Hi Cammy ;). I'm still a little sore so I'm not going to push it too much until my body feels healed from all the bumps and bruises.

Stay tuned ... I could be doing the onederland happy dance very soon.

Thanks for all the well wishes and support. You guys are the BEST!

Rock on, Challengers.